Newhart - S02E07 Subtitles

00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,- [ chuckles ]

00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,- What is it, D***k?

00:01:18,678 --> 00:01:21,- Oh, it's something
in the paper that's funny.

00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,Here, read it.
It's a short paragraph.

00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:41,George?

00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,- George,
I'm gonna need you

00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:48,to do some repair work
in room four.

00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:52,- Oh, okay. I'll have
to finish this later.

00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:55,- Thank goodness those
people are checking out.

00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:56,- You mean
the klutz family?

00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:57,- Can't believe it.

00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:58,They broke
their water pitcher,

00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:00,broke the light
in the bathroom,

00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:01,broke the door jamb

00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:03,and spilled grape juice
on the bedspread.

00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,They are absolutely
the clumsiest people

00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,I've ever seen
in my life.

00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:08,- Well, we're checking out.

00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,- Oh! Are you okay?

00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,- I'm fine.
- Are you sure?

00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,- Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,- Oh!

00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:18,- Sorry about that.

00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:20,- That's okay.

00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,- Here. Just put that
on our bill.

00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,So what do we owe you?

00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:28,- Let's see.
It's $35 for the room,

00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:33,and damages to the room,
say, 40.

00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:35,Let's figure $75.

00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:38,- Here's 100. That'll
take care of the sink, too.

00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,Thank you very much.
Watch your step, honey.

00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:44,- Here. Let me
take your luggage.

00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:45,- That's okay.
I've g***t it.

00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,- Here. Let me
get the door for you.

00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:51,- Thank you. You folks
have been swell. Goodbye.

00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:52,- Bye-bye.
- Drive carefully.

00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:53,- Right.

00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:56,- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:58,- Oh, I hope those people
never come back.

00:02:58,878 --> 00:03:04,- This came off your door.

00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:05,Sorry.

00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:08,[ telephone rings ]

00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,- I'll get it.

00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,- Here, George.

00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:14,- I'd better get my toolbox.

00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:15,- Hello? Stratford Inn.

00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:18,Yes, she is.
May I ask who's calling?

00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:20,One second.

00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,Stephanie, telephone.

00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:23,- Who is it?
- John.

00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:24,- John who?

00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,- I don't know.
He just said John.

00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,- D***k, in the future, could you
please try to get last names?

00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:30,I'm on my way to the phone,

00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:31,and I don't know if
I'm gonna be talking

00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:34,to a wonderful guy
or a turnip.

00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:35,- Sorry.

00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:37,- Hi, John.

00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:41,Oh, John, hi!
You lucked out.

00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:45,Thursday night? I'm
looking forward to it. Why?

00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:50,Oh. Well, can I ask
why you're breaking it?

00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:54,Oh.

00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:57,I see.

00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,Uh-huh.

00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:02,So Thursday night, you'll
actually be on your honeymoon.

00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,Uh-huh.

00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:11,Well, listen, I don't
want to let you keep me.

00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:15,Well, have a nice ceremony
and thanks for calling. Bye.

00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,Crud.

00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:20,- Someone you had a date
with is getting married?

00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:21,- Yes. John Pelham.

00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:22,- What's the matter?

00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,- John Pelham comes from

00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,one of the oldest families
in New England.

00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,He's in the top
of his class at Dartmouth.

00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:32,He has charm, he has wit,
he has intelligence,

00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,and tomorrow he's going
to have a wife.

00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,Double crud!

00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,- Stephanie, you're acting
like you've been jilted.

00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,Three minutes ago, you weren't
even sure who this guy was.

00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:45,- Well, now I remember
and now I'm heartbroken.

00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,- Look, Stephanie,
you may be disappointed,

00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:48,but I'm sure John Pelham

00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,isn't the only good
prospect at Dartmouth.

00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,- Well, he is.

00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:53,- Well, you don't know
everyone at Dartmouth.

00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:55,- Yes, I do.

00:04:55,395 --> 00:04:57,- Well, I think you're
being ridiculous.

00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,- Well, I think you're
being mean and insensitive.

00:04:58,998 --> 00:05:02,- Stephanie!
- You don't understand.

00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:04,Nobody in this inn
understands.

00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:05,- What are you
talking about?

00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,- Nobody in the whole world
understands anything about me.

00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:09,I'm going for a walk

00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:13,and I don't care what the
wind does to my complexion.

00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:15,- Oh, hi, Steph.

00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:17,- And you're no better
than the rest of 'em!

00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:22,- Problem?

00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,- Stephanie's
just a little upset.

00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,- Can you believe
she did that?

00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:27,- Honey, I'm sure
she's just going out

00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:29,to, you know, cool off.

00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:32,- Well, that should be easy.
It's 28 degrees out there.

00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:36,- Hey, Joanna,
have you seen my toolbox?

00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,- Excuse me.

00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:40,- D***k, let me
just say one word,

00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,and if you're not interested,
I'll never mention it again.

00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:44,- I'm not interested.

00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:47,- The word is cannon.

00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:48,Okay, you need more words.

00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:50,All right, look,

00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,what's the name of my cafe?
The Minuteman.

00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:53,And you live
in an historic inn

00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,built in revolutionary days.

00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,What could be more perfect

00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,lining the walk
between the Stratford Inn

00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:58,and the Minuteman Cafe

00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:02,than an authentic World War I
German cannon?

00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:05,- What in the world
are you talking about?

00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:07,- I'm talking about
beautifying our landscape

00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:11,with a little artillery.

00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,Cannons will attract
the curious.

00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:14,Kids would get a kick
out of them.

00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:18,They'd wanna sit on them.
We could charge 'em for that.

00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:20,- There is only one reason
I can think of

00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,I would want a cannon
right now.

00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,- Listen,
if we're interested,

00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,Gunther says we've g***t
to act quickly.

00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,- Gunther?
- What do you say?

00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:29,- I ** not buying a cannon.

00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:33,- You can't buy a cannon.
You have to buy six.

00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:35,- I'm not buying
a six-pack of cannons.

00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:38,- Okay, look,
I'll talk to Gunther.

00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:40,Maybe he'll let us buy one.
- One what?

00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:43,- D***k's thinking about
buying a cannon.

00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:51,- I really love snow.

00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:54,It looks so peaceful
coming down.

00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:57,It makes you think everything's
right with the world.

00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:01,- Hey, have you seen
Stephanie?

00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,I went to call her for dinner
and she's not in her room.

00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:04,- I'm sure she's...