Blended.2014.1080 Subtitles

At 00:00:26,126, Character said: [ FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENS ]

2
At 00:00:28,095, Character said: LAUREN : Yes. Uh-huh.
I'm not kidding.

3
At 00:00:31,332, Character said: That's where this "class act"
brought me.

4
At 00:00:34,201, Character said: Yeah, you heard me.
Hooters.

5
At 00:00:37,505, Character said: This is the first date
I've been on since the divorce,

6
At 00:00:41,475, Character said: and the guy brings me
to a Hooters.

7
At 00:00:44,311, Character said: [ TOILET FLUSHES ]

8
At 00:00:45,513, Character said: Is Tyler asleep?

9
At 00:00:46,380, Character said: Whoa! Oh, yeah! Whoo!

10
At 00:00:49,550, Character said: Not all the way.

11
At 00:00:50,785, Character said: What's he doing?
Yeah!

12
At 00:00:52,019, Character said: ♪ This t-shirt's
on fire! ♪

13
At 00:00:54,855, Character said: Why is he singing that?

14
At 00:00:56,657, Character said: [ ROBOTICALLY ]
Must save planet earth.

15
At 00:01:00,994, Character said: No, it's all good.

16
At 00:01:02,463, Character said: It's out.
What's out?!

17
At 00:01:04,298, Character said: Oh, God, I'm coming home.

18
At 00:01:05,866, Character said: Intruder alert.

19
At 00:01:10,003, Character said: [ WHIMPERS ]

20
At 00:01:12,139, Character said: Yeah, maybe that's
not actually a bad idea.

21
At 00:01:15,009, Character said: Okay, here's the plan.

22
At 00:01:16,243, Character said: You're gonna call me
in 10 minutes

23
At 00:01:17,812, Character said: so that I can tell this dope
I have an emergency.

24
At 00:01:21,148, Character said: [ NORMAL VOICE ] Can you
give me my bath now?

25
At 00:01:23,851, Character said: Make it five minutes.

26
At 00:01:26,520, Character said: ♪ I ain't complainin' ♪

27
At 00:01:28,322, Character said: ♪ but I'd sure like to find me ♪

28
At 00:01:32,026, Character said: ♪ a true, fine love ♪

29
At 00:01:34,295, Character said: ♪ someone another ♪

30
At 00:01:35,963, Character said: ♪ that's as sweet
as your mother ♪

31
At 00:01:38,265, Character said: ♪ a true, fine love ♪

32
At 00:01:41,535, Character said: [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

33
At 00:01:57,684, Character said: G***t you, uh, buffalo shrimp
with the sauce on the side.

34
At 00:02:01,889, Character said: They'll do that
for me here.

35
At 00:02:03,457, Character said: I didn't know
how you took it, so...

36
At 00:02:05,192, Character said: You realize that
you're not actually

37
At 00:02:08,129, Character said: looking at my face
right now.

38
At 00:02:10,531, Character said: Very tight game goin' on up
there. I don't wanna miss it.

39
At 00:02:13,100, Character said: ANNOUNCER : Well, I know you
really gotta swing the axe hard

40
At 00:02:14,935, Character said: to get those, uh, hits in deep
on this quick turn.

41
At 00:02:17,738, Character said: Hi, Jim.

42
At 00:02:19,106, Character said: WOMAN : Hey, Jim.
WOMAN #2 : Hey, Jim.

43
At 00:02:21,275, Character said: Cheese sticks
in the shape of a heart.

44
At 00:02:24,145, Character said: From me, bunny, Bethany,
and Britney.

45
At 00:02:26,881, Character said: Thank you, bubbles.
That's very nice.

46
At 00:02:29,950, Character said: Bye.
Have fun.
See ya.

47
At 00:02:31,852, Character said: [ CHUCKLING ] All right.

48
At 00:02:33,521, Character said: Hey, I noticed that you made
eye contact with boobles,

49
At 00:02:37,224, Character said: but I'm... I mean,
I'm not sure it was her eyes

50
At 00:02:38,659, Character said: you were looking at.

51
At 00:02:44,430, Character said: So...

52
At 00:02:45,699, Character said: You... Organize closets
for a living.

53
At 00:02:50,037, Character said: Yes.
Is it hard to find people

54
At 00:02:52,306, Character said: who can't organize
their own closets?

55
At 00:02:54,808, Character said: How does that work?

56
At 00:02:56,243, Character said: Well, it's not that they can't
do it for themselves.

57
At 00:02:58,679, Character said: It's that they don't
have the time

58
At 00:03:00,514, Character said: or they don't do it
efficiently.

59
At 00:03:02,082, Character said: Did you start with organizing
glove compartments

60
At 00:03:05,352, Character said: and just work your way up
from there, or...?

61
At 00:03:09,789, Character said: Listen, I'm sorry.
I know this is not going well.

62
At 00:03:13,194, Character said: [ CHUCKLING ] I, uh...

63
At 00:03:14,595, Character said: I haven't been on a date
in 20 years.

64
At 00:03:19,732, Character said: I haven't been on a date
since senior year.

65
At 00:03:22,603, Character said: You get married in college?

66
At 00:03:24,738, Character said: Yep.

67
At 00:03:26,006, Character said: Me too.

68
At 00:03:27,508, Character said: Really?
Yes.

69
At 00:03:29,343, Character said: Is this not the weirdest feeling
in the world right now?

70
At 00:03:31,579, Character said: Like weird Al
starring in "weird science."

71
At 00:03:35,516, Character said: [ CHUCKLING ] Yes.
I like that.

72
At 00:03:38,052, Character said: You just came up
with that?

73
At 00:03:39,353, Character said: Yes.
Very good.

74
At 00:03:42,890, Character said: You know, I think I will have
one of these buffalo shrimp.

75
At 00:03:47,595, Character said: And I'll have it
with the sauce.

76
At 00:03:49,830, Character said: Excellent.

77
At 00:03:54,200, Character said: [ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

78
At 00:03:56,737, Character said: Oh, my God.

79
At 00:03:57,838, Character said: [ COUGHING ] Oh, my God.

80
At 00:03:59,773, Character said: It's hot.

81
At 00:04:00,808, Character said: Oh, my God!
Who makes sauce this hot?!

82
At 00:04:03,611, Character said: I just...
did you drink my beer?!

83
At 00:04:06,180, Character said: No. No, no.
I think you did.

84
At 00:04:07,615, Character said: Boobles! Buddy! Britney!
Can you get me some water?!

85
At 00:04:11,585, Character said: Here. Have
some French onion soup.

86
At 00:04:15,088, Character said: [ GURGLING ]

87
At 00:04:17,223, Character said: [ SPITS ]

88
At 00:04:20,194, Character said: You know... I'm curious.

89
At 00:04:22,062, Character said: With so many
possible reasons,

90
At 00:04:24,531, Character said: which one's the one
your wife left you for?

91
At 00:04:28,269, Character said: Cancer.

92
At 00:04:36,909, Character said: I'm sorry.

93
At 00:04:38,045, Character said: I...Naturally just assumed
you were divorced.

94
At 00:04:43,884, Character said: It's okay.

95
At 00:04:45,853, Character said: I naturally assumed
your husband shot himself,

96
At 00:04:48,489, Character said: so we're even.

97
At 00:04:50,391, Character said: [ SIGHS ]
[ CELLPHONE PLAYS TONE ]

98
At 00:04:52,559, Character said: I gotta take this.

99
At 00:04:56,764, Character said: Hello.

100
At 00:04:58,232, Character said: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Calm down!

101
At 00:05:00,834, Character said: An avalanche?
In our backyard.

102
At 00:05:04,071, Character said: I'll be home right away.

103
At 00:05:06,473, Character said: It's an emergency.
I'm sorry.

104
At 00:05:10,510, Character said: $20 should cover my half.

105
At 00:05:12,880, Character said: JEN : He used
the emergency excuse on you?

106
At 00:05:16,450, Character said: Like he's the one
that had to escape.

107
At 00:05:19,453, Character said: Like I'm so horrible.
Huh.

108
At 00:05:21,655, Character said: Well, everybody has
a bad blind-date story,

109
At 00:05:24,258, Character said: and this loser is yours.

110
At 00:05:25,592, Character said: Who set you up?
[ SCOFFS ]

111
At 00:05:27,394, Character said: One of the mothers
in Tyler's class.

112
At 00:05:29,563, Character said: Every time I see her,

113
At 00:05:30,798, Character said: she tells me
about her "friend Jim."

114
At 00:05:33,200, Character said: And "oh, I just have to
meet Jim."

115
At 00:05:35,636, Character said: Well, she's a liar
and an idiot.

116
At 00:05:37,705, Character said: You should roofie her
and shave her head.

117
At 00:05:40,374, Character said: [ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

118
At 00:05:42,910, Character said: D***k?

119
At 00:05:44,211, Character said: Hi.

120
At 00:05:46,547, Character said: No, I can talk.
I'm just at work.

121
At 00:05:48,048, Character said: Great.

122
At 00:05:49,483, Character said: [ CHUCKLES ]
I know. I'm so sore.

123
At 00:05:51,852, Character said: [ GIGGLES ]

124
At 00:05:54,488, Character said: I-I "l" word you, too.

125
At 00:05:57,858, Character said: Okay.
Talk to you later. Bye.

126
At 00:06:03,629, Character said: Did you just use
the "l" word with d***k?

127
At 00:06:07,101, Character said: We said it last night.

128
At 00:06:08,769, Character said: Jen! That's great!
Why didn't you tell me?

129
At 00:06:12,373, Character said: Oh, you know.

130
At 00:06:14,007, Character said: I mean, you finally went
on a date, and it was so awful.

131
At 00:06:16,076, Character said: I didn't want
to make you feel lonelier

132
At 00:06:17,878, Character said: than you probably
already feel.

133
At 00:06:19,580, Character said: No, I'm fine, actually.
And I'm not lonely.

134
At 00:06:22,649, Character said: I have two wonderful men
in my life, Brendan and Tyler.

135
At 00:06:26,253, Character said: Brendan needs a girlfriend,
and Tyler needs ritalin.

136
At 00:06:29,556, Character said: You're suggesting s***x
and drugs

137
At 00:06:31,692, Character said: as a remedy
for my children's behavior?

138
At 00:06:34,395, Character said: [ GASPS ]
Oh, my God.

139
At 00:06:35,796, Character said: This is the dress
I've been wanting forever!

140
At 00:06:38,399, Character said: Oh.

141
At 00:06:39,566, Character said: What?! No!
[ SCOFFS ]

142
At 00:06:41,802, Character said: Who has
that kind of money?

143
At 00:06:43,404, Character said: D***k.

144