How I Met Your Mother S05E03 Robin 101 (1080p x265 Joy) Subtitles

At 00:00:01,167, Character said: OLDER TED: Kids, your uncle Barney
had been called

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At 00:00:02,535, Character said: a lot of names over the years.

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At 00:00:04,204, Character said: Jerk!

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At 00:00:06,139, Character said: B***d!

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At 00:00:08,375, Character said: Barack Obama, Jr?

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At 00:00:09,809, Character said: Mmm-hmm.

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At 00:00:11,478, Character said: And, yes. We can.

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At 00:00:14,080, Character said: But there's one name none of us
ever expected to hear him called.

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At 00:00:16,950, Character said: Boyfriend. Barney Stinson is my boyfriend.

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At 00:00:20,153, Character said: I've said it, like, 100 times.
It still sounds weird to say.

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At 00:00:23,356, Character said: Well, anything sounds weird
if you say it 100 times.

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At 00:00:26,793, Character said: Bowl.

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At 00:00:28,561, Character said: Bowl.

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At 00:00:30,997, Character said: Bowl.

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At 00:00:32,465, Character said: - But other than that, things are good?
- Bowl.

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At 00:00:35,035, Character said: - Bowl.
- I don't know.

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At 00:00:36,102, Character said: - I think Barney's been single for too long.
- Bowl.

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At 00:00:38,004, Character said: Like, the other night,
I wake up at 4:00 a. m...

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At 00:00:40,073, Character said: (CLATTERING)

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At 00:00:41,141, Character said: (GASPS)

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At 00:00:42,642, Character said: Barney, are you awake?

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At 00:00:45,311, Character said: Barney?

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At 00:00:48,948, Character said: Barney. This is not a one-night stand.
We're dating. Come back to bed.

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At 00:00:58,658, Character said: - Bowl. Bowl.
- That's happened three times.

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At 00:01:00,960, Character said: And it's not just that, it's other things.

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At 00:01:04,631, Character said: Hey. What's wrong?

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At 00:01:06,566, Character said: It was just one thing after another
at work today,

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At 00:01:09,302, Character said: and then I found out my aunt's
in the hospital.

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At 00:01:12,405, Character said: I'm just...
I'm feeling so overwhelmed and it's just...

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At 00:01:14,607, Character said: (SHUSHING)

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At 00:01:15,909, Character said: What you need to do
is talk through this stuff.

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At 00:01:19,045, Character said: Thanks.

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At 00:01:20,647, Character said: And then,
once you're off the phone with Lily,

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At 00:01:22,549, Character said: I'll be down in the bar
ready to have s***x. Okay?

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At 00:01:27,220, Character said: Bowl.

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At 00:01:28,688, Character said: Look, I'm not the touchy-feeliest
person in the world, but,

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At 00:01:32,392, Character said: a little more effort would be nice.

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At 00:01:33,793, Character said: - Bowl. Bowl.
- I understand.

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At 00:01:35,261, Character said: I guess, in a lot of ways,
Barney doesn't stack up.

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At 00:01:37,630, Character said: - Bowl. Bowl.
- I mean, you've had some

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At 00:01:38,965, Character said: pretty incredible boyfriends.

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At 00:01:40,300, Character said: Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl.

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At 00:01:45,538, Character said: - No, that's not it. I don't know.
- Bowl. Bowl.

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At 00:01:48,408, Character said: - Maybe he just doesn't have it in him.
- Bowl. Bowl. Bowl.

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At 00:01:51,411, Character said: - Maybe this whole thing's a big mistake.
- Bowl.

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At 00:01:54,347, Character said: Bowl?

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At 00:01:55,715, Character said: - She really said that?
- And she meant it.

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At 00:01:58,284, Character said: Trust me. I dated Robin for a year.
If you don't want to lose her,

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At 00:02:01,521, Character said: you gotta try a little harder.

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At 00:02:03,189, Character said: Be more attentive
to where she is emotionally.

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At 00:02:05,358, Character said: You know, just be present.

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At 00:02:07,594, Character said: Yes, totally. Yeah.
Only thing, and this is just me,

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At 00:02:11,431, Character said: I like my testicles attached to my body,
rather than rolling around

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At 00:02:14,434, Character said: next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse.
Stinson out!

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At 00:02:18,438, Character said: OLDER TED:
But then, a funny thing happened.

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At 00:02:20,807, Character said: Over the next couple of weeks,
Barney was thoughtful,

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At 00:02:23,309, Character said: considerate, sweet.

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At 00:02:26,412, Character said: In short, the perfect boyfriend,
which, to Robin, meant only one thing.

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At 00:02:30,950, Character said: - He's cheating on me.
- What?

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At 00:02:32,452, Character said: Why else would he buy me flowers?
He's getting some on the side.

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At 00:02:35,088, Character said: Come on, Robin.

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At 00:02:36,623, Character said: Barney's not the type of guy who would...
Go on.

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At 00:02:39,225, Character said: Plus, he keeps saying he's working late.

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At 00:02:41,294, Character said: But when I call his office,
they say he left hours ago.

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At 00:02:43,496, Character said: Well, that doesn't prove anything.

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At 00:02:45,031, Character said: Yes. Proof. Good word.
I'm glad you brought that up.

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At 00:02:48,701, Character said: Barney's briefcase.
He forgot it here this morning.

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At 00:02:51,738, Character said: And what do you plan on doing with it?

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At 00:02:53,573, Character said: We. We, you and I, are going to
open it up and look for evidence.

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At 00:02:58,044, Character said: Ted probably has a sledgehammer
around here somewhere.

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At 00:03:00,413, Character said: No! Stop! Stop! Eye contact. Listen to me.

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At 00:03:04,517, Character said: Robin Scherbatsky is many things.
Friend, confidant,

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At 00:03:08,021, Character said: occasional guest star
in some confusing dreams

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At 00:03:10,390, Character said: that remind me
a woman's sexuality is a moving target.

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At 00:03:12,992, Character said: But she is no crazy, jealous stalker-bitch.
Let go.

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At 00:03:18,631, Character said: Hey, I've been down in the basement
storage area going through all the stuff

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At 00:03:22,001, Character said: that Lily and I left behind
when we moved out. I'm sorry, Robin.

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At 00:03:24,671, Character said: We should've cleared it out
for you much sooner.

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At 00:03:26,139, Character said: There's a basement storage area?

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At 00:03:27,607, Character said: You're not upset. Good.
Baby, guess what I found.

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At 00:03:37,717, Character said: - That's great, honey.
- What the hell is that?

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At 00:03:40,853, Character said: Marshall g***t it in college.
He used it as a nightstand for years.

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At 00:03:44,691, Character said: Until we found out
that Lily was allergic to barrel resin.

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At 00:03:48,261, Character said: - Barrel resin?
- Just go with it.

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At 00:03:49,896, Character said: So, you need a hand throwing it out?

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At 00:03:51,698, Character said: No, I'm not...
I'm not just going to throw her out, okay?

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At 00:03:55,268, Character said: Mabel's like family.

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At 00:03:57,337, Character said: So, what are you going to do with Mabel?

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At 00:04:00,206, Character said: I want to give her away
to a lucky new owner.

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At 00:04:02,942, Character said: - Do you know anyone?
- Yeah, let me think.

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At 00:04:05,678, Character said: Do I know any rodeo clowns?

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At 00:04:08,514, Character said: That's weird, I do.

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At 00:04:09,782, Character said: But even Lenny wouldn't go
near that mess.

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At 00:04:11,884, Character said: Well, he's not going to have the chance
because I ** putting old Mabel

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At 00:04:16,222, Character said: in the Bermuda Triangle.

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At 00:04:18,324, Character said: OLDER TED: "The Bermuda Triangle"
was the name we'd given

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At 00:04:20,460, Character said: years earlier to the curb
right in front of our building.

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At 00:04:24,764, Character said: Whenever we wanted to give something
away, we'd put it right there.

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At 00:04:32,305, Character said: It was uncanny.

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At 00:04:34,974, Character said: This is so exciting.

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At 00:04:36,776, Character said: Right now, there's someone out there
who has no idea

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At 00:04:38,778, Character said: that tonight
they're going home with just...

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At 00:04:42,315, Character said: Just the best barrel.

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At 00:04:44,017, Character said: Well, let's just hope they're not allergic
to barrel resin like Lily here.

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At 00:04:47,220, Character said: Be cool, baby. D***n.

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At 00:04:49,889, Character said: - See you, sweetie. Good luck.
- Bye, babe.

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At 00:04:53,693, Character said: - Now, can we please get out of here?
- Yeah. I'll grab my coat.

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At 00:04:57,497, Character said: (GRUNTING)

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At 00:04:58,765, Character said: Oops.

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At 00:05:02,635, Character said: A college notebook?

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At 00:05:04,137, Character said: Oh, my God, he's cheating on me
with some college girl.

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At 00:05:07,273, Character said: I knew there was a skank,
but I thought she'd at least be dumb.

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At 00:05:12,478, Character said: "Birthday, July 23.

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At 00:05:14,013, Character said: "Favorite hockey team,
the Vancouver Canucks.

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At 00:05:15,815, Character said: "Age 29, but tells people that she's 26."

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At 00:05:19,118, Character said: Oh, my God, these are notes about me,
or some 29-year-old version of me.

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At 00:05:23,556, Character said: (DOOR OPENS)

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At 00:05:25,325, Character said: I hope I'm not too late!

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At 00:05:26,459, Character said: I want to see the look of joy
on the new owner's face!

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At 00:05:34,600, Character said: She's still there!

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At 00:05:37,003, Character said: Okay, Mabel, let's find you a new home.

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At 00:05:40,139, Character said: Here comes a guy!

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At 00:05:41,708, Character said: And he...
He just walked, walked right on by it.

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At 00:05:45,278, Character said: He's probably rushing home
to get a handcart or something.

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At 00:05:48,581, Character said: Yeah! Hey, better hurry up, pal.

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At 00:05:50,616, Character said: (LAUGHS)

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