Mandy.S01E01.Jobseeker.1080p.iP.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng] Movie Subtitles
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00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,♪ Oh, Mandy
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,♪ Well, you came and
you gave without taking
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,♪ But I sent you away
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,♪ Oh, Mandy
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:16,♪ Well, you kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,♪ And I need you today
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,♪ Oh, Mandy. ♪
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,So, what kind of work
are you interested in?
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:31,I like mindless tasks. You know,
something I can do with my hands.
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,OK, let's have a little look.
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:37,Don't touch that, please.
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:41,Oh, here's a bit of luck. There's
a position here packing fruit
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:44,at a food distribution factory.
Oh, no. That doesn't sound like me.
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,It's either that or you'll have to
attend an adult training course
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,to improve your interview technique.
That doesn't sound like me either.
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,Well, you've g***t to do one of them
or I'll have to dock your benefits.
00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:57,Fruit factory or adult training
course? It's up to you.
00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,It's like Sophie's Choice, in't it?
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,♪ Job-seeker
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,♪ Job-seeker... ♪
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,Please watch the video.
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,Welcome to your new job
at Gone Bananas,
00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:26,the banana processing
and distribution centre!
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:31,Please pay attention to this short
health and safety presentation.
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:35,Processing and distributing
up to 20,000 bananas a day,
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:38,we are proud to have
the sixth highest volume
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:42,of any banana processing and
distribution centre in the UK
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,and North Europe region.
00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:49,And all this with the third best
health and safety record.
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,Let's keep it that way.
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:58,This is Mick. Mick was brought
on board to replace Jill,
00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,who was sadly killed
in a banana processing
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,and distribution incident.
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:07,Don't let what happened to Jill
happen to Mick
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,or to you.
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,These are laminates.
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,It is particularly important
you familiarise yourselves
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,with this one.
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:24,This is a deadly spider
from north Africa.
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:27,If you see it, you must smash it
with your hammer.
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,And remember the Gone Bananas code.
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,One to stun, two to kill,
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,three to make sure.
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,DRAMATIC JINGLE PLAYS
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:50,Did you watch the video? Yeah, yeah.
That were dead informative, that.
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:53,Thanks for that. Great.
I will see you on Monday, then.
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,All right.
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,Have you been smoking?
00:02:58,280 --> 00:02:59,No.
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,No, it were like this
when I come in.
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,Minty Peak?
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,Actually, have you g***t something
all grown-up and executive?
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,You know, something that says
conference call?
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,No Minty Peak? I've g***t a new job.
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:16,Oh, that is wonderful news, Mandy.
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,What is it? At the banana factory.
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:22,I'm an arachnid control operative.
What is that?
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,Spiders, Lol!
They come in on the bananas.
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,It's my job to smash 'em.
It's a very important role.
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,Why don't they smash them
at their end?
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,I don't know, but I'm quids in here.
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,I ** so happy for you, Mandy.
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,Can I ask you something?
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,How exactly do you kill
the arachnids?
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,♪ Day-o... ♪
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:45,One to stun, two to kill,
three to make sure.
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,♪ Daylight come and me... ♪
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,One to stun, two to kill,
three to make sure.
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:56,♪ Work all night and drink a rum
00:03:56,040 --> 00:04:00,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:04,♪ Stack banana till the morning come
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:07,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:12,♪ Come mister tally man,
tally me banana
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:19,♪ Come mister tally man,
tally me banana
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:27,♪ Lift six foot, seven foot,
eight foot bunch
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:31,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,♪ Six foot, seven foot,
eight foot bunch
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:39,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,♪ Day
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,♪ Me say day-o
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:47,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,♪ Day
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,♪ Me say day, me say day, me say day
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:54,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:58,♪ A beautiful bunch of ripe banana
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:06,♪ Hide the deadly black tarantula
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,♪ Lift six foot, seven foot,
eight foot bunch
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,♪ Daylight come and me wanna... ♪
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:20,These are for you. Bananas?
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,You get to take the black ones home.
Oh, great. Ta.
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:27,♪ Day
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,♪ Me say day-o
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:34,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,♪ Day-o
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,♪ Day-o
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,♪ Daylight come
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:48,♪ And me wanna go home. ♪
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:07,Something terrible has happened.
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,I bloody loved that job, Lola.
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,I were good at it, too.
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,Shh. Dear, dear, never mind.
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:36,It weren't my fault, though. They're
really fast, some of these spiders.
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,What is the latest death toll?
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,17.
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,It's not all bad news, though.
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,I've g***t a phone interview
in the morning.
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,I might not mention the 17 dead.
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,What makes you think
you're the right person
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,to join Chicken Bungalow?
I like fried chicken.
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,I have it most nights.
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:14,I like other people who eat fried
chicken, so I assume we'd get on,
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,and I always wash my hands, not
just when I've done a number two.
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,Where do you see yourself
in five years?
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,Well, if I'm not breeding
Dobermann Pinschers,
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,hopefully I'll be working for you
just frying chicken.
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,What are your strengths?
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,I'm not a grass.
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:34,I might be some things
but I'm not a grass.
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,Oh, and I can swallow
a tangerine whole.
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,TOILET FLUSHES
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,When can you let me know by?
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,♪ Job-seeker
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,♪ Job-seeker... ♪
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,Cheers for taking a chance on me.
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:59,Well, to be honest, you were
the only applicant. Oh, fantastic.
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,I won't let you down.
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:10,Is it all right if I go on my
break now? I'm gasping for a fag.
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:12,Yeah, all right.
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,600...
strong language and adult humour
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,♪ Oh, Mandy
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,♪ Well, you came and
you gave without taking
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,♪ But I sent you away
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,♪ Oh, Mandy
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:16,♪ Well, you kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,♪ And I need you today
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,♪ Oh, Mandy. ♪
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,So, what kind of work
are you interested in?
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:31,I like mindless tasks. You know,
something I can do with my hands.
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,OK, let's have a little look.
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:37,Don't touch that, please.
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:41,Oh, here's a bit of luck. There's
a position here packing fruit
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:44,at a food distribution factory.
Oh, no. That doesn't sound like me.
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,It's either that or you'll have to
attend an adult training course
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,to improve your interview technique.
That doesn't sound like me either.
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,Well, you've g***t to do one of them
or I'll have to dock your benefits.
00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:57,Fruit factory or adult training
course? It's up to you.
00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,It's like Sophie's Choice, in't it?
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,♪ Job-seeker
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,♪ Job-seeker... ♪
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,Please watch the video.
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,Welcome to your new job
at Gone Bananas,
00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:26,the banana processing
and distribution centre!
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:31,Please pay attention to this short
health and safety presentation.
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:35,Processing and distributing
up to 20,000 bananas a day,
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:38,we are proud to have
the sixth highest volume
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:42,of any banana processing and
distribution centre in the UK
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,and North Europe region.
00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:49,And all this with the third best
health and safety record.
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,Let's keep it that way.
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:58,This is Mick. Mick was brought
on board to replace Jill,
00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,who was sadly killed
in a banana processing
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,and distribution incident.
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:07,Don't let what happened to Jill
happen to Mick
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,or to you.
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,These are laminates.
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,It is particularly important
you familiarise yourselves
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,with this one.
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:24,This is a deadly spider
from north Africa.
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:27,If you see it, you must smash it
with your hammer.
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,And remember the Gone Bananas code.
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,One to stun, two to kill,
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,three to make sure.
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,DRAMATIC JINGLE PLAYS
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:50,Did you watch the video? Yeah, yeah.
That were dead informative, that.
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:53,Thanks for that. Great.
I will see you on Monday, then.
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,All right.
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,Have you been smoking?
00:02:58,280 --> 00:02:59,No.
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,No, it were like this
when I come in.
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,Minty Peak?
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,Actually, have you g***t something
all grown-up and executive?
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,You know, something that says
conference call?
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,No Minty Peak? I've g***t a new job.
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:16,Oh, that is wonderful news, Mandy.
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,What is it? At the banana factory.
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:22,I'm an arachnid control operative.
What is that?
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,Spiders, Lol!
They come in on the bananas.
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,It's my job to smash 'em.
It's a very important role.
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,Why don't they smash them
at their end?
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,I don't know, but I'm quids in here.
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,I ** so happy for you, Mandy.
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,Can I ask you something?
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,How exactly do you kill
the arachnids?
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,♪ Day-o... ♪
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:45,One to stun, two to kill,
three to make sure.
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,♪ Daylight come and me... ♪
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,One to stun, two to kill,
three to make sure.
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:56,♪ Work all night and drink a rum
00:03:56,040 --> 00:04:00,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:04,♪ Stack banana till the morning come
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:07,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:12,♪ Come mister tally man,
tally me banana
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:19,♪ Come mister tally man,
tally me banana
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:27,♪ Lift six foot, seven foot,
eight foot bunch
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:31,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,♪ Six foot, seven foot,
eight foot bunch
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:39,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,♪ Day
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,♪ Me say day-o
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:47,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,♪ Day
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,♪ Me say day, me say day, me say day
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:54,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:58,♪ A beautiful bunch of ripe banana
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:06,♪ Hide the deadly black tarantula
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,♪ Lift six foot, seven foot,
eight foot bunch
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,♪ Daylight come and me wanna... ♪
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:20,These are for you. Bananas?
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,You get to take the black ones home.
Oh, great. Ta.
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:27,♪ Day
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,♪ Me say day-o
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:34,♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,♪ Day-o
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,♪ Day-o
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,♪ Daylight come
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:48,♪ And me wanna go home. ♪
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:07,Something terrible has happened.
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,I bloody loved that job, Lola.
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,I were good at it, too.
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,Shh. Dear, dear, never mind.
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:36,It weren't my fault, though. They're
really fast, some of these spiders.
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,What is the latest death toll?
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,17.
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,It's not all bad news, though.
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,I've g***t a phone interview
in the morning.
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,I might not mention the 17 dead.
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,What makes you think
you're the right person
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,to join Chicken Bungalow?
I like fried chicken.
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,I have it most nights.
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:14,I like other people who eat fried
chicken, so I assume we'd get on,
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,and I always wash my hands, not
just when I've done a number two.
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,Where do you see yourself
in five years?
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,Well, if I'm not breeding
Dobermann Pinschers,
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,hopefully I'll be working for you
just frying chicken.
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,What are your strengths?
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,I'm not a grass.
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:34,I might be some things
but I'm not a grass.
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,Oh, and I can swallow
a tangerine whole.
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,TOILET FLUSHES
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,When can you let me know by?
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,♪ Job-seeker
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,♪ Job-seeker... ♪
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,Cheers for taking a chance on me.
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:59,Well, to be honest, you were
the only applicant. Oh, fantastic.
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,I won't let you down.
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:10,Is it all right if I go on my
break now? I'm gasping for a fag.
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:12,Yeah, all right.
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,600...
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