Duckman S01E01 Subtitles

At 00:00:09,334, Character said: (whistles)

2
At 00:00:40,901, Character said: (footsteps approaching)

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At 00:00:43,767, Character said: (screaming)

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At 00:01:16,601, Character said: (screaming)

5
At 00:01:18,801, Character said: This sounds like more
than we can handle.

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At 00:01:26,467, Character said: (chuckling)

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At 00:01:27,934, Character said: Amusing.

8
At 00:01:29,400, Character said: It's not without a certain
understated omniscience.

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At 00:01:42,200, Character said: (screaming)

10
At 00:01:53,534, Character said: Unhand her, cad,
or I'll have to disarm you.

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At 00:01:57,567, Character said: (chuckling)

12
At 00:01:59,067, Character said: Save that for my next book.

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At 00:02:02,334, Character said: Stay back,
Duckman,

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At 00:02:04,267, Character said: or it's going
to get ugly.

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At 00:02:06,000, Character said: I said
stay back!

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At 00:02:07,934, Character said: One more step, and
I'll... I'll...

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At 00:02:11,601, Character said: and I'll...

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At 00:02:12,901, Character said: pull back
this curtain.

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At 00:02:15,734, Character said: That's right,

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At 00:02:16,734, Character said: it's This Could Be Your Life--

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At 00:02:18,100, Character said: the show that each week
takes a memorable personality

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At 00:02:20,367, Character said: we can cross-promote
with the evening news

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At 00:02:22,267, Character said: and asks the
burning question:

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At 00:02:24,167, Character said: What makes him or her
so unique, so special,

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At 00:02:27,667, Character said: so one-of-a-kind,

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At 00:02:28,701, Character said: we'll watch them on TV

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At 00:02:30,033, Character said: rather than have go out and
have a life of our own?

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At 00:02:32,534, Character said: Tonight's guest

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At 00:02:33,767, Character said: that incomparable
crime-fighting hero--

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At 00:02:36,200, Character said: Duckman!

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At 00:02:38,701, Character said: AUDIENCE:
Duckman! Duckman! Duckman!

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At 00:02:40,701, Character said: (whispering)
What? Really?

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At 00:02:42,968, Character said: Well, Duckman,
according to your family,

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At 00:02:45,868, Character said: you're not an incomparable
crime-fighting hero.

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At 00:02:48,667, Character said: You're not
special or unique.

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At 00:02:50,434, Character said: In fact, there's
absolutely nothing

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At 00:02:51,834, Character said: memorable about
you at all.

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At 00:02:53,567, Character said: (screaming)

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At 00:02:59,701, Character said: Whoa!

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At 00:03:00,968, Character said: Smoke!

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At 00:03:02,067, Character said: Smoke!

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At 00:03:03,601, Character said: I need a smoke.

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At 00:03:04,801, Character said: Ow!

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At 00:03:11,133, Character said: (slurping)

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At 00:03:12,934, Character said: Mmm.

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At 00:03:17,234, Character said: BERNICE:
What's the matter?

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At 00:03:19,033, Character said: You seem a little down
this morning.

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At 00:03:21,501, Character said: It's okay.
You can tell me about it.

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At 00:03:23,934, Character said: I'm here for you.

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At 00:03:25,334, Character said: If you really want to know...
Uh-huh.

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At 00:03:27,000, Character said: I had that dream again--
Oh...

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At 00:03:28,601, Character said: the one where no one cares
about anything I say or do.

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At 00:03:31,467, Character said: Quiet, you worthless sack
of pillow stuffing!

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At 00:03:32,734, Character said: I'm on the phone!

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At 00:03:34,934, Character said: We'll talk at lunch.

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At 00:03:36,434, Character said: Duckman, you left feathers
on the sink last night,

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At 00:03:38,200, Character said: you were supposed to get
your dog neutered--

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At 00:03:39,601, Character said: I caught him looking funny
at the hamster again--

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At 00:03:41,133, Character said: and you've been smoking!
I can smell it on your breath!

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At 00:03:44,133, Character said: I was not smoking!

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At 00:03:45,901, Character said: You can't accuse me of something
I wasn't even doing.

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At 00:03:48,133, Character said: Oh, yeah? Then you were sucking
on the bottom of an ashtray

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At 00:03:50,601, Character said: like some pathetic and
disgusting nicotine junkie.

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At 00:03:52,868, Character said: That's better.

65
At 00:03:54,067, Character said: I'm telling you
for the last time, Duckman,

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At 00:03:55,501, Character said: I don't want this house

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At 00:03:56,767, Character said: smelling like one of your stale,
old cigarette butts.

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At 00:03:58,801, Character said: (breaking wind)

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At 00:04:00,133, Character said: Like my
stale old butts

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At 00:04:01,901, Character said: are the problem
around here.

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At 00:04:03,234, Character said: Grandma-ma can't help it.

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At 00:04:04,734, Character said: She's comatose.

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At 00:04:06,067, Character said: Ow!

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At 00:04:07,234, Character said: And you will be, too,

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At 00:04:08,567, Character said: if you touch
the children's breakfast.

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At 00:04:10,901, Character said: Fine. I'll make

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At 00:04:12,434, Character said: my own d***n breakfast...
again!

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At 00:04:14,868, Character said: No fats, no preservatives,
no red and yellow dyes.

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At 00:04:17,367, Character said: Hmm. Shows you what happens
when you let a bunch

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At 00:04:20,033, Character said: of pasty-faced, pansy-wiped
scientists

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At 00:04:21,634, Character said: get you all worked up
over a few carcinogens.

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At 00:04:23,868, Character said: Yeast cakes--

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At 00:04:25,200, Character said: every b***e a
nutritional potpourri.

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At 00:04:27,334, Character said: Uh, morning, son.

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At 00:04:29,167, Character said: How's school?

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At 00:04:32,100, Character said: (choking)

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At 00:04:35,567, Character said: (spits)

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At 00:04:36,567, Character said: Ahh!

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At 00:04:37,934, Character said: There's my stopwatch.

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At 00:04:39,601, Character said: CHARLES:
Is not!

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At 00:04:40,767, Character said: MAMBO:
Is so!

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At 00:04:41,767, Character said: CHARLES: Is not!
MAMBO: Is so!

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At 00:04:43,033, Character said: Your theory totally overlooks
the ontological side.

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At 00:04:45,300, Character said: And yours underestimates
the Cartesian perspective

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At 00:04:47,868, Character said: on antisocial pathology.

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At 00:04:49,567, Character said: Freudian.
Jungian.

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At 00:04:50,901, Character said: (grunting)

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At 00:04:52,300, Character said: Charles, Mambo,
knock it off.

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At 00:04:53,467, Character said: You're giving me
a headache.

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At 00:04:55,167, Character said: Boys, not in front
of Grandma-ma.

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At 00:04:59,501, Character said: Yeast cakes!
Yeast cakes!

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At 00:05:00,901, Character said: BOTH:
Good morning, Grandma-ma.

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At 00:05:02,367, Character said: That's it.
I've had it.

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At 00:05:03,767, Character said: For all the response
I get around here,

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At 00:05:06,133, Character said: I might as well
be invisible!

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At 00:05:07,968, Character said: I know your mother died.

107
At 00:05:09,434, Character said: I know she left you
and the house to her sister.

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At 00:05:12,334, Character said: But I still live here!
I'm still the man of the house!

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At 00:05:14,534, Character said: And I demand to be heard!

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At 00:05:16,067, Character said: (voice fading:)
To be recognized! To be...

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At 00:05:18,334, Character said: (breaking wind)

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At 00:05:19,767, Character said: DUCKMAN:
So, my sister-in-law

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At 00:05:22,100, Character said: is a walking Cuisinart.

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At 00:05:23,400, Character said: My children do treat me

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At 00:05:25,267, Character said: like some kind of skin rash.

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At 00:05:26,601, Character said: At least I'm freeway-close!

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At 00:05:28,767, Character said: (crashing)

118
At 00:05:30,133, Character said: MAN:
My tire!

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At 00:05:32,267, Character said: I don't get it.

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At 00:05:33,200, Character said: I brake for animals

121
At 00:05:34,434, Character said: if they're big enough
to dent my car.

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At 00:05:35,868, Character said: I don't pop any zits
above the eye line.

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At 00:05:38,033, Character said: I treat others the way
I'd like to be treated.

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At 00:05:40,534, Character said: (tires screeching)

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At 00:05:41,601, Character said: Same to you, sister!

126
At 00:05:43,434, Character said: Devote a lifetime to the church,
they think they own the road.

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At 00:05:48,534, Character said: It would just be nice
for once to be noticed--

128
At 00:05:51,734, Character said: get the kind of attention
I deserve.

129
At 00:05:57,901, Character said: Note to myself:

130
At 00:05:59,801, Character said: More thumbtacks

131
At 00:06:01,133, Character said: in the bird feeder.

132
At 00:06:02,801, Character said: What the hell are you
staring at?!

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At 00:06:05,901, Character said: Hello, Mr. Duckman.

134
At 00:06:07,400, Character said: Being aware of your
little digestive problem,

135
At 00:06:10,400, Character said: we made you
a bran muffin

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At 00:06:12,400, Character said: and a mug of steaming
liquid grits.

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At 00:06:13,567, Character said: Be good
to your bowels

138
At 00:06:15,033, Character said: and they'll be
good to you.

139
At 00:06:16,968, Character said: We also called your
doctor to tell him

140
At 00:06:19,567, Character said: we think you've been
a naughty detective.

141
At 00:06:21,901, Character said: You've been
smoking again.

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At 00:06:23,601, Character said: And he said...

143
At 00:06:24,634, Character said: Quote...

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At 00:06:25,934, Character said: "Keep it up and his heart
will burst and splatter

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At 00:06:28,467, Character said: all over the inside of
his tar-filled lungs."

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At 00:06:30,934, Character said: End quote.

147
At 00:06:32,601, Character said: So we set traps

148
At 00:06:33,801, Character said: in all your
cigarette packages.

149...