Kissing.A.Fool.1998.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]-eng Subtitles

00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,Downloaded from
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00:02:54,179 --> 00:02:56,PRIEST: And now
by the virtue

00:02:56,640 --> 00:03:00,of the authority vested
in me by the laws
of the state of Illinois,

00:03:00,936 --> 00:03:04,I pronounce
that you are
husband and wife.

00:03:05,065 --> 00:03:07,May your days
be long together

00:03:07,150 --> 00:03:09,and the joys
ever increasing.

00:03:10,404 --> 00:03:11,Kiss the bride.

00:03:18,704 --> 00:03:21,(WEDDING RECESSIONAL PLAYING)

00:03:26,670 --> 00:03:29,(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

00:03:31,425 --> 00:03:32,(MOUTHING)

00:03:37,431 --> 00:03:39,Hey, there.
Hi, there. Hello.

00:03:39,474 --> 00:03:41,(CHUCKLES)
Come here often?

00:03:41,309 --> 00:03:42,Yeah.

00:03:46,857 --> 00:03:48,Hi, how you doing?
Pretty good.

00:03:48,191 --> 00:03:49,Mmm-hmm.

00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:51,This is my place here.

00:03:51,153 --> 00:03:52,Super.

00:03:52,446 --> 00:03:54,Mmm-hmm.
Impressive, isn't it?

00:03:54,239 --> 00:03:55,Phew.

00:03:55,907 --> 00:03:57,I introduced
the bride and groom.
Did you know that?

00:03:57,993 --> 00:03:59,Nope.
Oh?

00:03:59,161 --> 00:04:00,Would you like
to hear the story?

00:04:00,912 --> 00:04:02,Sure, yeah.

00:04:03,248 --> 00:04:04,(SIGHING)

00:04:04,332 --> 00:04:06,Just get me a scotch.
I think that'd be best.

00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:08,Hey, Linda, what's up?

00:04:08,295 --> 00:04:10,Hi, how are you?

00:04:10,297 --> 00:04:11,Good, good.
How are you?
Fine.

00:04:11,965 --> 00:04:13,Look at you.
You look great.

00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:14,Not as good as you.

00:04:14,259 --> 00:04:15,Oh, well, I showered.

00:04:15,802 --> 00:04:17,(BOTH LAUGHING)

00:04:19,181 --> 00:04:21,Table four.
I g***t the caterer
to switch me.

00:04:22,058 --> 00:04:23,We're gonna be
sitting together.

00:04:23,143 --> 00:04:24,Oh, good,
we can catch up.

00:04:24,811 --> 00:04:26,Absolutely.
How you been?

00:04:26,229 --> 00:04:27,Good. Good.

00:04:27,314 --> 00:04:29,This is a great house
you have here.

00:04:29,107 --> 00:04:30,Oh, thanks, thanks.

00:04:30,358 --> 00:04:32,Real nice of you
to let the kids have it
for the affair.

00:04:32,778 --> 00:04:34,Absolutely. Yeah.

00:04:34,154 --> 00:04:36,Guess they couldn't spring
for a band though, huh?

00:04:36,698 --> 00:04:37,Do I know you?

00:04:37,866 --> 00:04:39,No, I'm crashing.

00:04:39,117 --> 00:04:40,Whose wedding
is this anyway?

00:04:40,202 --> 00:04:42,(LAUGHING)
Kidding, kidding.

00:04:42,871 --> 00:04:44,I'm laughing.
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)

00:04:44,748 --> 00:04:46,No, I'm here
with Vicki Pelam.

00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:48,She went to Northwestern
with the bride.

00:04:48,210 --> 00:04:49,We're getting married
next Christmas.

00:04:49,461 --> 00:04:50,Well, congratulations.

00:04:50,545 --> 00:04:51,Thank you, thank you.

00:04:51,922 --> 00:04:54,Don't know where
we're gonna have
the ceremony yet,

00:04:54,382 --> 00:04:57,but, gotta tell you,
it's a great house.
Great, great house.

00:04:57,636 --> 00:04:59,Hi, honey.
Oh, hi, honey.

00:04:59,888 --> 00:05:03,Honey, this is Linda.
This is her house.

00:05:03,141 --> 00:05:04,Really?
Yeah.

00:05:04,476 --> 00:05:07,Oh, my God, Lynn.
How did they
land your house?

00:05:07,229 --> 00:05:09,I mean,
are you like family
or friend or what?

00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:11,Oh, I introduced
the bride and groom.

00:05:11,650 --> 00:05:13,You know the whole story.

00:05:13,235 --> 00:05:15,Oh, my God,
I've been dying
to hear about this.

00:05:15,612 --> 00:05:17,CLIFF: That's true.
She called the bride
10 times.

00:05:17,697 --> 00:05:19,Hasn't gotten
one call back.

00:05:19,282 --> 00:05:20,I'm sure.
Yeah.

00:05:20,742 --> 00:05:22,But, Lynn,
tell us the story.

00:05:22,244 --> 00:05:24,Mmm, I don't know.
You don't know it?

00:05:24,162 --> 00:05:25,She doesn't know it.
Oh, no. I know it.

00:05:25,997 --> 00:05:27,She doesn't know it.
I know the whole thing.

00:05:27,666 --> 00:05:29,You don't know it.
Oh, I know it.

00:05:30,836 --> 00:05:32,I'm responsible for it.

00:05:32,504 --> 00:05:34,Well, then tell us
for Christ's sake.

00:05:34,422 --> 00:05:35,Yeah, come on, Lynn.
Tell us the story.

00:05:35,841 --> 00:05:38,Well, I'm the hostess.
I g***t a lot of people
to see, things to do.

00:05:38,343 --> 00:05:39,How long could it take?
Come on.
No, I really can't.

00:05:40,011 --> 00:05:41,What, five minutes?

00:05:41,096 --> 00:05:42,It's only five minutes.
Mmm, all right.

00:05:42,848 --> 00:05:45,Fill this up, will you?
(CLICKS TONGUE)

00:05:45,267 --> 00:05:49,Well, Max and Jay
have been friends
since birth.

00:05:50,981 --> 00:05:52,Now I come into the picture.

00:05:52,941 --> 00:05:54,To put it modestly,
I discovered Jay.

00:05:54,776 --> 00:05:55,Really?

00:05:55,861 --> 00:05:58,I decided that our
house would release
his first book,

00:05:58,530 --> 00:06:01,even though every publisher
in town had passed.

00:06:01,116 --> 00:06:04,Well, you could
imagine how happy
he was about this.

00:06:04,119 --> 00:06:07,I'm very happy about this.

00:06:07,247 --> 00:06:08,Okay.

00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:12,I had the perfect editor
for him. A young,
fast-rising talent.

00:06:12,210 --> 00:06:13,Sam.

00:06:13,295 --> 00:06:14,Samantha Andrews,
Jay Murphy.

00:06:14,963 --> 00:06:16,Sam, Jay. Jay, Sam.

00:06:16,172 --> 00:06:18,It's very nice
to meet you.
Hi. You, too.

00:06:18,091 --> 00:06:20,LINDA: I knew her style was
the perfect match for his.

00:06:20,552 --> 00:06:23,Of course, I was concerned
about a possible romance
between them,

00:06:23,263 --> 00:06:24,and how it might
affect the book,

00:06:24,347 --> 00:06:25,but my fears
quickly subsided,

00:06:26,057 --> 00:06:30,because Jay was clearly not
in the right frame of mind
to be looking for romance.

00:06:30,896 --> 00:06:32,(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING)

00:06:34,316 --> 00:06:35,Is anyone sitting here?

00:06:35,650 --> 00:06:36,I don't care.

00:06:36,902 --> 00:06:40,The first thing he thought of
regarding Sam and romance
was Max.

00:06:41,072 --> 00:06:42,What up, Chicago?

00:06:42,157 --> 00:06:45,This is Max Abbitt
reporting live
at Wrigley Field.

00:06:45,619 --> 00:06:46,How ** I doing?
How do I look?

00:06:46,995 --> 00:06:48,Great. You look great.

00:06:48,455 --> 00:06:50,You know,
I'm not wearing
any underwear.

00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:52,Huh?

00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:53,Hey, Abbitt,
who was that girl
who was with you

00:06:53,835 --> 00:06:55,last night at
the Mambo Room?

00:06:55,754 --> 00:06:57,Keep your glove
off her, Sosa.

00:06:57,756 --> 00:06:58,(CHUCKLING)

00:06:58,924 --> 00:07:00,You...

00:07:00,884 --> 00:07:01,What?

00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:03,Well, who the
f***k was she?

00:07:03,511 --> 00:07:04,What, are we married?

00:07:04,888 --> 00:07:08,Obviously Max was not
having any problem
finding women on his own.

00:07:08,934 --> 00:07:11,But Jay didn't approve
of any of them,

00:07:11,311 --> 00:07:15,and he was convinced
that he knew exactly
what Max needed.

00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:19,I thought we agreed
not to set each
other up anymore.

00:07:19,152 --> 00:07:22,No, I agreed
not to let you
set me up anymore

00:07:22,322 --> 00:07:24,after that girl
who you said was
perfect for me

00:07:24,908 --> 00:07:26,tied me up
and came out with
that hood and cane

00:07:27,035 --> 00:07:28,and offered to beat
the s***t out of me.

00:07:28,536 --> 00:07:29,You didn't like Xena?

00:07:29,621 --> 00:07:31,No, I didn't like Xena.

00:07:31,247 --> 00:07:35,I also agreed that I was
gonna help put an end to
your hedonistic lifestyle.

00:07:35,168 --> 00:07:36,I know what
that means, okay?

00:07:37,003 --> 00:07:39,I mean, Max,
you don't wanna become
that 40-year-old guy

00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:41,who's still out
at the clubs

00:07:41,091 --> 00:07:42,with the silk shirt
and gold chains

00:07:42,968 --> 00:07:44,trying to pick up
on college girls,
do you?

00:07:45,053 --> 00:07:48,Of course not, Jay.
At 40, I wanna
be the bald guy

00:07:48,181 --> 00:07:49,with the ponytail
and a Harley

00:07:49,766 --> 00:07:51,trying to pick up
high school girls.

00:07:51,559 --> 00:07:52,You're an idiot.

00:07:52,852 --> 00:07:53,You're the one
in therapy.

00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:55,You're the one
who should be.

00:07:55,146 --> 00:07:56,Maybe you can
get me in.

00:07:57,065 --> 00:07:58,I always wanted to pay
100 bucks an hour

00:07:58,566 --> 00:08:01,to talk myself out
of being happy.

00:08:01,319 --> 00:08:02,Why are we meeting
in the zoo anyway?

00:08:03,071 --> 00:08:04,It's a good environment.

00:08:04,406 --> 00:08:06,Show her you're
the kind of guy
who likes animals.

00:08:06,574 --> 00:08:08,Oh, you know what?
Don't worry about
my appearance, okay?

00:08:08,827 --> 00:08:10,Worry about hers.
Trust me, Max, okay?

00:08:10,745 --> 00:08:12,I don't have to
worry about hers.

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