Cucumber (2015) - S01E04 - Episode 4 (1080p BluRay x265 Panda) Subtitles
📝 Subtitle Preview
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:05,- For Christ's sake, go home.
- Oh, don't you start!
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:07,There's this bloke at work.
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,Here's my number - better strap
that whopper down, mate.
00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:11,What are you looking for, then?
00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:13,- Someone like you.
- He scores!
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:16,All my life I've been scared of the man.
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,- Does this mean you're a virgin?
- I'm really not talking about it, OK?
00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:21,Freddie. Nice to meet you at last.
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:25,- Sorry.
- That's OK. We're all mad.
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,You're meeting him eight o'clock,
Saturday night, I used your photo.
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:28,G***t you a date.
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,I've g***t a date.
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:02,- Can you breathe?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:04,- Clive!
- Sorry!
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,I'm not even Scottish, it was this
stupid website thing, this...
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:08,kilt fetish.
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:12,I'm Rupert. My real name's Rupert, hello!
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,Right. Rupert. Nice name.
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,Sorry. I'm babbling.
I just get so excited!
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:18,Cos all that stuff you told me, online.
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,I have to say, Henry, I love a man who
knows exactly what he is.
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:23,And what is that again?
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,Power bottom. Cheers!
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:32,So, if I phone Transport,
the request has to go through Steven.
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,They've doubled his workload.
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:42,Although, technically,
Steven asked for the requests.
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,That's not how he sees it.
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,So it was Sanjay's idea,
to ask you out. He dared me.
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:54,Yeah, you know we had a thing?
Me and Sanjay. Last year.
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,- Just for a couple of weeks.
- Yeah, he told me.
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,And that's OK?
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,It's cool.
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,It's not like... too cool?
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,Cos, like... Some girls,
a couple of times,
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,the fact that I go with boys...
It's, er...
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,It's like a trophy.
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,Hold on. Pulling you is like
winning a trophy?
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,F***k off.
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,And that's Alannah. That's her.
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,Alannah. Wow.
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,God knows what she sees in me.
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,We've been together for six months.
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,She's absolutely gorgeous.
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,Does she know about tonight?
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:30,No, do you think I should?
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,Oh, my God, no. No way!
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,Do you know what the maddest
thing of all is? The Rescuers.
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,Someone at Disney went mad that day,
they said,
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,' "Let's do a film about a mouse.'"
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,It's like edging.
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,This Henry of yours is edging.
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,You've seen the edging websites?
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,And that's my secret.
It's called oil-pulling.
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:49,Every morning,
I take a mouthful of sunflower oil,
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,and I keep it in my mouth for 20 minutes.
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,Cos he moves in with this boy,
who he's never gonna have,
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,and maybe that's the whole point.
00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,He can edge instead.
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,And this mouse is like Zsa Zsa Gabor.
In a big hat.
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,No swallowing,
just 20 minutes in my mouth.
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,And the oil draws out all the toxins.
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,I'll tell you what the worst thing
of all is.
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,- Secateurs.
- Oh, my God.
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,I haven't had a cold for three years now.
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,And what does this mouse do?
Well, she rescues people.
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,And that's it! That's all it is!
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,- That's a very deep cut.
- Ouch.
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:19,How mad is that?
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,Whole thing is a great big edge.
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:24,Never cut yourself with secateurs.
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:30,Right, there's a bit of a step.
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:31,Where? There?
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,That's it, yep, careful now...
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,You're wasting petrol.
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,So zis appartement of yours,
is it close by?
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:44,Je me demande.
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,It's not far. 15 minutes' walk.
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,I hope you have a good relationship
with your neighbours.
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,Why's that?
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,Because I ** gonna ride ze a***s
of Henri, mon ami,
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:56,until you whimper and squeal like ze pig.
00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,You will not have a comfortable s***t
for ze whole of next week, monsieur.
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,Well... Bon.
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,To the man who g***t us here...
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:05,Daniel.
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,I've been swimming with him.
I've been in the changing rooms.
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:11,Seriously?
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,He is packing it.
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,To be blunt,
I'd let that man f***k me senseless.
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,As hard as he f***g wants.
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:20,Do you want another?
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,We could go back to mine.
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,Great.
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,Good. You can be Daniel.
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,Come on! It's simple enough!
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,I just want to know,
what's the difference
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,- between men and women?
- Don't do this.
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,- I'm just asking!
- No, no, no, don't...
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,I mean, like now, sitting here, on a date,
with a man,
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:41,with a woman, what's the difference?
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,All right. The one, obvious thing?
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,If I was on a date with a man,
right now...
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,I'd be absolutely, 100%,
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,cast-iron guaranteed to have s***x.
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,No. Can't see any difference.
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,OK. There you go, thank you very much.
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,- Hope you had a good time.
- Yeah, it was great, thanks.
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,Food was lovely. Now it gets complicated.
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,- OK. Well, good luck, I suppose!
- Thanks.
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,We don't have to.
We can just say good night.
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:10,If you want.
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,I don't know. I'm terrified.
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,- Oh, my God, really?
- Just a bit.
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,Look, you can go home, I don't mind.
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:19,I mean, we've been friends for
so many years now.
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,We can just write this off
as one mad night.
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,No.
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,No, let's keep going.
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,Really. It was my idea in the first place,
so let's just... do it.
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,Jesus Christ. The romance is killing me!
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,The hotel, then?
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:33,Yeah.
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,I'm so gonna f***k you.
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,Ah... Now.
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,Cliff's g***t a theory...
That's my solicitor, Cliff.
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,He says they've g***t to keep
the electricity on,
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,or they'd lose their rights
in arbitration...
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,Oh, man, I can't wait any more!
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,I'm sorry, I'm dying for this.
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,Aren't we all?
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,You're in charge.
You tell me what you want.
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,Mr Power Bottom!
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,Well. Where to start?
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,It's good to have guidelines,
don't you think?
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,Cos some of those positions can go
spectacularly wrong!
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,Don't want to break anything now, do we?
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,That would be terrible.
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,And look.
We don't have to do anything fancy.
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,All I want is a nice, hot f***k.
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:06,With a nice, hot man.
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,That's you, by the way!
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,Ta-daaa! Rupert the Bare!
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,That is... healthy.
144...
- Oh, don't you start!
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:07,There's this bloke at work.
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,Here's my number - better strap
that whopper down, mate.
00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:11,What are you looking for, then?
00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:13,- Someone like you.
- He scores!
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:16,All my life I've been scared of the man.
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,- Does this mean you're a virgin?
- I'm really not talking about it, OK?
00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:21,Freddie. Nice to meet you at last.
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:25,- Sorry.
- That's OK. We're all mad.
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,You're meeting him eight o'clock,
Saturday night, I used your photo.
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:28,G***t you a date.
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,I've g***t a date.
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:02,- Can you breathe?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:04,- Clive!
- Sorry!
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,I'm not even Scottish, it was this
stupid website thing, this...
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:08,kilt fetish.
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:12,I'm Rupert. My real name's Rupert, hello!
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,Right. Rupert. Nice name.
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,Sorry. I'm babbling.
I just get so excited!
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:18,Cos all that stuff you told me, online.
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,I have to say, Henry, I love a man who
knows exactly what he is.
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:23,And what is that again?
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,Power bottom. Cheers!
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:32,So, if I phone Transport,
the request has to go through Steven.
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,They've doubled his workload.
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:42,Although, technically,
Steven asked for the requests.
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,That's not how he sees it.
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,So it was Sanjay's idea,
to ask you out. He dared me.
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:54,Yeah, you know we had a thing?
Me and Sanjay. Last year.
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,- Just for a couple of weeks.
- Yeah, he told me.
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,And that's OK?
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,It's cool.
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,It's not like... too cool?
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,Cos, like... Some girls,
a couple of times,
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,the fact that I go with boys...
It's, er...
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,It's like a trophy.
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,Hold on. Pulling you is like
winning a trophy?
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,F***k off.
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,And that's Alannah. That's her.
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,Alannah. Wow.
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,God knows what she sees in me.
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,We've been together for six months.
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,She's absolutely gorgeous.
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,Does she know about tonight?
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:30,No, do you think I should?
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,Oh, my God, no. No way!
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,Do you know what the maddest
thing of all is? The Rescuers.
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,Someone at Disney went mad that day,
they said,
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,' "Let's do a film about a mouse.'"
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,It's like edging.
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,This Henry of yours is edging.
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,You've seen the edging websites?
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,And that's my secret.
It's called oil-pulling.
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:49,Every morning,
I take a mouthful of sunflower oil,
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,and I keep it in my mouth for 20 minutes.
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,Cos he moves in with this boy,
who he's never gonna have,
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,and maybe that's the whole point.
00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,He can edge instead.
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,And this mouse is like Zsa Zsa Gabor.
In a big hat.
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,No swallowing,
just 20 minutes in my mouth.
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,And the oil draws out all the toxins.
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,I'll tell you what the worst thing
of all is.
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,- Secateurs.
- Oh, my God.
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,I haven't had a cold for three years now.
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,And what does this mouse do?
Well, she rescues people.
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,And that's it! That's all it is!
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,- That's a very deep cut.
- Ouch.
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:19,How mad is that?
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,Whole thing is a great big edge.
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:24,Never cut yourself with secateurs.
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:30,Right, there's a bit of a step.
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:31,Where? There?
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,That's it, yep, careful now...
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,You're wasting petrol.
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,So zis appartement of yours,
is it close by?
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:44,Je me demande.
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,It's not far. 15 minutes' walk.
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,I hope you have a good relationship
with your neighbours.
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,Why's that?
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,Because I ** gonna ride ze a***s
of Henri, mon ami,
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:56,until you whimper and squeal like ze pig.
00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,You will not have a comfortable s***t
for ze whole of next week, monsieur.
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,Well... Bon.
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,To the man who g***t us here...
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:05,Daniel.
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,I've been swimming with him.
I've been in the changing rooms.
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:11,Seriously?
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,He is packing it.
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,To be blunt,
I'd let that man f***k me senseless.
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,As hard as he f***g wants.
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:20,Do you want another?
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,We could go back to mine.
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,Great.
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,Good. You can be Daniel.
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,Come on! It's simple enough!
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,I just want to know,
what's the difference
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,- between men and women?
- Don't do this.
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,- I'm just asking!
- No, no, no, don't...
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,I mean, like now, sitting here, on a date,
with a man,
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:41,with a woman, what's the difference?
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,All right. The one, obvious thing?
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,If I was on a date with a man,
right now...
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,I'd be absolutely, 100%,
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,cast-iron guaranteed to have s***x.
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,No. Can't see any difference.
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,OK. There you go, thank you very much.
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,- Hope you had a good time.
- Yeah, it was great, thanks.
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,Food was lovely. Now it gets complicated.
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,- OK. Well, good luck, I suppose!
- Thanks.
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,We don't have to.
We can just say good night.
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:10,If you want.
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,I don't know. I'm terrified.
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,- Oh, my God, really?
- Just a bit.
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,Look, you can go home, I don't mind.
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:19,I mean, we've been friends for
so many years now.
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,We can just write this off
as one mad night.
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,No.
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,No, let's keep going.
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,Really. It was my idea in the first place,
so let's just... do it.
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,Jesus Christ. The romance is killing me!
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,The hotel, then?
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:33,Yeah.
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,I'm so gonna f***k you.
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,Ah... Now.
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,Cliff's g***t a theory...
That's my solicitor, Cliff.
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,He says they've g***t to keep
the electricity on,
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,or they'd lose their rights
in arbitration...
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,Oh, man, I can't wait any more!
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,I'm sorry, I'm dying for this.
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,Aren't we all?
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,You're in charge.
You tell me what you want.
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,Mr Power Bottom!
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,Well. Where to start?
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,It's good to have guidelines,
don't you think?
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,Cos some of those positions can go
spectacularly wrong!
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,Don't want to break anything now, do we?
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,That would be terrible.
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,And look.
We don't have to do anything fancy.
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,All I want is a nice, hot f***k.
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:06,With a nice, hot man.
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,That's you, by the way!
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,Ta-daaa! Rupert the Bare!
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,That is... healthy.
144...
Download Subtitles Cucumber (2015) - S01E04 - Episode 4 (1080p BluRay x265 Panda) in any Language
Afrikaans 
Akan 
Albanian 
Amharic 
Arabic 
Armenian 
Azerbaijani 
Basque 
Belarusian 
Bemba 
Bengali 
Bihari 
Bosnian 
Breton 
Bulgarian 
Cambodian 
Catalan
Cebuano 
Cherokee 
Chichewa 
Chinese (Simplified) 
Chinese (Traditional) 
Corsican
Croatian 
Czech 
Danish 
Dutch 
English 
Esperanto 
Estonian 
Finnish 
French
Galician
Georgian 
German 
Greek 
Gujarati
Haitian Creole 
Hausa 
Hawaiian
Hebrew 
Hindi
Hungarian 
Icelandic 
Indonesian 
Italian 
Japanese 
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh 
Kinyarwanda 
Korean 
Kurdish 
Kyrgyz 
Lao 
Latin 
Latvian 
Lithuanian 
Luxembourgish 
Macedonian 
Malay 
Malayalam
Maltese 
Maori 
Marathi
Mongolian 
Nepali 
Norwegian 
Persian 
Polish 
Portuguese 
Punjabi 
Romanian 
Russian 
Serbian 
Slovak 
Slovenian 
Somali 
Spanish
Swahili 
Swedish 
Tamil
Telugu
Thai 
Turkish 
Ukrainian 
Urdu
Uzbek 
Vietnamese 
Welsh
Xhosa
Zulu
Find more Subtitles
ShareSubtitles
Share or Download Subtitles in Multiple Languages
Download, translate and share Cucumber (2015) - S01E04 - Episode 4 (1080p BluRay x265 Panda) srt subtitles in English and many other languages. Explore a worldwide collection of user-contributed, accurate subtitles.