Warrens Vortex s01e01 Desolation of Smugg.eng Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000 (LAWNMOWER WHIRRS) 2 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,400 - This is Warren Harrison, 3 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:10,119 an ordinary human from Lower Hutt, New Zealand. 4 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:14,959 18 years ago, an interdimensional portal opened in his garden shed, 5 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:18,440 its origin unknown, its purpose unclear. 6 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:24,239 What Warren didn't know at the time was that it's a gateway to countless alternate realities ? 7 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:26,959 strange, perilous versions of the same place, 8 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:30,719 governed by different laws of time and space. 9 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,239 He still doesn't know, because he's never gone in it. 10 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:38,839 Warren also doesn't know that two hours and 53 minutes from now, 11 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:42,999 he will leap into the vortex for the very first time. 12 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:48,280 But for now, he's just going to use it to dump his lawn clippings. 13 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,759 - Warren! 14 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,759 DISTANTLY: Warren. (ELECTRO MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES) 15 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,759 Can you come sort the fridge? 16 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,440 (VORTEX HUMS) Warren! - Coming! 17 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,159 (INTRIGUING ELECTRONIC MUSIC) 18 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:06,159 Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. 19 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,360 www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2025. 20 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:14,359 Yo, babe. - Oh, babe, you go to another world when you mow those flippin' lawns. 21 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:18,919 - I travel to a world of funk, where funky cats do funky moves on their funky lawns. 22 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,079 - (CHUCKLES) Well, if you've finished with the funk, 23 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,239 could you fix the fridge? The screen's gone funky. 24 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,240 - Yo. 25 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,280 - (SIGHS) - (FRIDGE WHIRRS, BLEEPS) 26 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:34,839 Nah, this thing's totally pakaru. You hear that? You're useless. - Don't speak to her like that. 27 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,839 - Um, since when diditget pronouns? 28 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:42,079 - Oh, Lucy and I decided to call the fridge Rhonda, after Auntie Rhonda. 29 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,999 - Why? Cos she's shaped like a fridge and can put away heaps of food? 30 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,039 - ROBOTIC: Hi, W-W-Warren. 31 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:51,479 (CHIMES, STATIC CRACKLES) - How does it know my name? This thing's giving me the creeps. 32 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:55,880 - Crepes? Are you making cr-cr-cr-crepes? - Shut up! 33 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,879 - Hey! Don't speak to Rhonda like that. She's whanau. 34 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:03,680 Oh, can you go ask Lucy to help? Oh, and how did that talk go? 35 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,320 Oh, babe. We have to let her go. 36 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,319 - Punch it in the butt and get out! Just get out! (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS) 37 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:17,199 Oh. Dad. Um, not you. I meant for my death squad. 38 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,200 - Oh. - Step down. AFK. 39 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:24,279 - Yeah, perhaps you wanna step down as the commander of your death squad 40 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,759 and go help out in the kitchen, all right? (CHUCKLES) 41 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,760 Oh! 42 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:37,600 He aha tenei? You promised your mum you were gonna quit with the whole... Urgh! Ew! 43 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,800 (COUGHS) 44 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:45,279 - I did. That's a thumb drive. - Urgh... Oh yeah... I knew that. 45 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:49,679 Please go help your mum in the kitchen. We're doing this for your birthday. 46 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,959 Might be the last one that you have in this house for a while. 47 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,960 - You're letting me go? 48 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,720 SHRIEKS: Are you serious?! 49 00:02:57,721 --> 00:03:01,839 Come on, Dad, it's not the end of the world. Just a gap year to France. 50 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,199 I'm not getting abducted by a Dothraki horselord. 51 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,719 - Well, you don't have to pack now. 52 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,519 Oh, I still don't know why you want to spend a year in that place. 53 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:13,439 What can you get in Paris that you can't get right here in Lower Hutt? 54 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:17,239 Hmm? Have you learned nothing from our favourite movie, Taken? 55 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,839 Look at what happened to the girl in that. 56 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:19,999 - Uh, she was taken. 57 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,639 - Yeah. And then in Taken 2, the mum and dad get taken. 58 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:24,679 People get taken. 59 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,639 - Dad, it's a movie. Yourfavourite movie. 60 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,359 - But I thoughtyouliked it. 61 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,479 - You made me watch it when I was 5. 62 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,480 - Oh. 63 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,120 Just go help your mum in the kitchen. OK? 64 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,679 - Look at him! 65 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,279 I mean, you would, right? - I would not. 66 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,679 Why are so many of them holding up fish? 67 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:47,639 - Shows they're good providers. 68 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,559 Oh, look at him! Look at those arms! 69 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,159 - No. Look, he's g***t a wedding ring on. 70 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,439 - So? I just want him to slide into my DMs. 71 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,719 - I ** so telling my therapist about this, Mum. 72 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,519 - (SCOFFS) We're all adults, my little Boo-Boo Bear. 73 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,519 - There she is ? old Divorcee Spice, eh? Mwah! 74 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,639 - Oh! Your jokes have moved into the '90s, Waz. 75 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,640 - Hey, uh, Laurel... 76 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:10,600 Is it cool that I invited Muzz? 77 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:11,919 - Sure. 78 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,799 Because Murray is a dead corpse 79 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,639 floating down the stagnant river that was my life. 80 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,640 - Suh-weet! 81 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,800 (DOOR CLOSES) 82 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:24,919 - Mieux vaut tard que jamais. 83 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:26,479 - Yeah, speaking of. 84 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,239 They're letting me go. - To France? 85 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,879 That's awesome! (CHUCKLES) That's great. 86 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,079 So you're going away? 87 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,479 - Yeah. If Dad had his way, I'd never leave this house. 88 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:36,639 - I will let you leave this house 89 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,159 to go and take the chairs out the back. Hmm? 90 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,160 - Hmm. 91 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,519 (SIZZLING) (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS) 92 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:45,759 - EXHALES: Yeah. 93 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,759 - Ooh, I reckon it could do with a bit longer. 94 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:51,439 - Nah, nah, nah ? see, some people measure time on their phones, right? 95 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,479 Other people measure time by those little marks 96 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,959 you make on the doorframe to see how tall your kids are getting. 97 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:59,119 But for me, time is a perfectly cooked steak. 98 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,199 And that, my bros, is a perfectly cooked steak. 99 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,759 - Yeah, it's not a very accurate measure, 100 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,439 and you can't walk around with a steak in your pocket, Warren. 101 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,479 - I thought that was a great way of measuring a time unit. 102 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,799 - Thank you, Muzz. - Yeah. 103 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,759 I could say to Warren, 'Hey, I'll see you in three steaks,' 104 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,039 and he'd know exactly how long I was gonna be. 105 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:19,239 - Well, it's all relative, though, isn't it? 106 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:21,520 - Laurel loved a good steak. 107 00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:24,239 (SIGHS) - I thought she was a vegetarian. 108 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,919 Was she? - There you go! (LAUGHS) 109 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,159 - You need to move on, Muzz. She certainly has. 110 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,839 In fact, you need to move on 111 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:35,839 to a beautiful little three-bedroom en-suite 112 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,319 I'm selling in Chilwood Close. 113 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,599 Now, it needs a new kitchen, but you're lonely as. 114 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,319 So when will you ever cook, ** I right? 115 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,119 - What Muzza needs to do is grow a pair. 116 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,319 Mind you, they've probably shrivelled up 117 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:48,639 with all that cycling, have they? 118 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,999 - Is there a problem, Phil? - No, ain't no problem. 119 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:51,999 I'm just about to hit the hay. 120 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,559 I was gonna punch out some Z's, but I heard you girls talking. 121 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,279 Thought...