Deadpool.2016.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H264-RARBG Movie Subtitles

1 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,850 Kinda lonesome back here. 2 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,348 Yeah, little help. 3 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:10,146 Okay, just, I have to keep my hands on the wheel. 4 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:12,979 Excuse me. 5 00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:15,888 Dopinder. 6 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,988 Pool. Dead. 7 00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:20,618 Nice. 8 00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:22,853 Smells good, no? 9 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,833 Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl. 10 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,379 Yes. Gita. She is quite lovely. 11 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:32,496 She would have made me a very agreeable wife. 12 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:36,784 But, Gita's heart has been stolen by my cousin Bandhu. 13 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:40,854 He is as dishonorable as he is attractive. 14 00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:45,854 Dopinder, I'm starting to think there's a reason I'm in this cab today. 15 00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:47,586 Yeah, sir, you called for it, remember? 16 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:52,466 No, my slender brown friend. Love is a beautiful thing. 17 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:55,356 When you find it, the whole world tastes like Daffodil Daydream. 18 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,360 So you gotta hold onto love... 19 00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:00,099 tight! 20 00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:03,102 And never let go. Don't make the same mistakes I did. 21 00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:04,394 - G***t it? - Yeah. 22 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:08,004 Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga. 23 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,818 Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like? 24 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,821 - Like two hobos f***g in a shoe filled with piss. - Okay, enough. 25 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,782 I can go all day, Dopinder. The point is, it's bad! 26 00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,592 It's bad. 27 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,787 Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool? 28 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,789 That's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder. 29 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,333 And I'm after someone on my naughty list. 30 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:29,962 I've been waiting one year, three weeks, six days and... 31 00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:32,402 14 minutes to make him fix what he did to me. 32 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,301 And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool? 33 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,741 This s***t... 34 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:39,949 Boo! 35 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:01,974 They won't disappoint. 36 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,371 They'd better not. 37 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,832 And what about next month's shipment? 38 00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,625 There won't be one. 39 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,265 You're not the only one with a war to win. 40 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:12,898 That won't do. 41 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:19,736 See, we've had this small disruption to our supply chain... 42 00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:25,784 We'd appreciate your patience. 43 00:05:28,287 --> 00:05:29,287 Okay. 44 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,288 We'll deliver in full the following month. 45 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:36,844 Pleasure doing business with you. 46 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:42,509 F***g mutant. 47 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,046 Ah, s***t! 48 00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,516 I forgot my ammo bag. 49 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,106 - Shall we turn back? - No, no time. 50 00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,052 F***k it. I g***t this. 51 00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:03,430 9, 10, 11, 12 bullets, or bust. 52 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,240 Right here! 53 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,061 That's $27.50. 54 00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:10,813 I never carry a wallet when I'm working. 55 00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:12,333 Ruins the lines of my suit. 56 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,250 But, how about a crisp high five? 57 00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:16,402 Okay. 58 00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:17,752 Merry Christmas. 59 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:22,087 And a convivial Tuesday in April to you too, Pool! 60 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:30,541 Shoop shooop ba-doop, shoop ba-doop Shoop ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop 61 00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:32,584 You're packed and you're stacked 'specially in the back 62 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:35,379 Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that 63 00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:37,840 Can I get some fries with that shake-shake boobie? 64 00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:40,092 If looks could kill you would be an uzi 65 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:41,652 You're a shotgun - bang! 66 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,682 Oh, hello. I know, right? 67 00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:50,436 Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie? 68 00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:54,116 I can't tell you, but it does rhyme with "Polverine." 69 00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:59,862 And let me tell you, he's g***t a nice pair of smooth criminals down under. 70 00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:04,116 Anyway, I g***t places to be, a face to fix and... 71 00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:06,886 Bad guys to kill. 72 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,557 Maximum effort. 73 00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:24,399 C***k shot. 74 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,292 Rich Corinthian leather. 75 00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:38,078 I'm looking for Francis! 76 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,915 Have you seen this man? 77 00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:51,182 Yanky, yanky! 78 00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:26,169 I've never said this, but don't swallow. 79 00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:49,028 S***t. 80 00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:51,665 Did I leave the stove on? 81 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,514 Now, breaking news. 82 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:14,434 A multi-car collision turned shots fired on the crosstown expressway this morning. 83 00:09:14,847 --> 00:09:16,717 Gridlock has kept police from the scene. 84 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,626 Residents are advised to remain in their homes. 85 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,755 The assailant appears to be armed, dangerous, and wearing... 86 00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:24,275 - a red suit. - A red suit. 87 00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,133 Deadpool. 88 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,943 Negasonic! Come, we have mission. 89 00:09:29,862 --> 00:09:32,264 Colossus, wait up. 90 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:35,684 I've given Deadpool every chance to join us... 91 00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,936 but he'd rather act like a child. 92 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,481 A heavily-armed child. 93 00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:44,276 When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming X-Man? 94 00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,206 Which benefits? The matching unitards? 95 00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:48,363 The house that blows up every few years? 96 00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:49,448 Please. 97 00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:51,878 House blowing up builds character. 98 00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,203 You ate breakfast, yes? 99 00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:56,553 Breakfast is most important meal of day. 100 00:09:57,472 --> 00:10:01,710 Here, protein bar. Good for bones. 101 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:04,150 Deadpool may try to break yours. 102 00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:13,951 Get out of the way! 103 00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:32,967 Hey! 104 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,444 Wait! 105 00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:47,840 You may be wondering, "Why the red suit?" 106 00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:49,860 Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed. 107 00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,111 This guy's g***t the right idea. 108 00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:53,784 He wore the brown pants. 109 00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:57,850 Fine! I only have 12 bullets... 110 00:10:57,950 --> 00:10:59,560 so you're gonna have to share! 111 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,450 Let's count them down. 112 00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:21,926 S***t. 113 00:11:24,977 --> 00:11:26,687 Motherfucker! 114 00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:29,110 10! S***t! 115 00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:30,693 Nine. F***k. 116 00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:31,779 Eight. 117 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,319 S***t-f***k! 118 00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,324 Bad Deadpool. 119 00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:41,953 Seven. Good Deadpool. 120 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,734 Someone's not counting. Six. 121 00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:34,547 Four. 122 00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:37,922 Gotcha. 123 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:40,926 Right up Main Street. 124 00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,083 Three, two! 125 00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:48,063 Stupid! Worth it. 126 00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,379 I'm touching myself tonight. 127 00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,304 Francis! 128 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:19,915 Francis... 129 00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:24,121 What the s***t-biscuit! 130 00:13:24,221 --> 00:13:25,931 Where you at, Francis? 131 00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:35,897 You're not Francis. 132 00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:46,369 Really? Rolling up the sleeves? 133 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,990 You're probably thinking, "My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie... 134 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:03,890 "but that guy in the red suit just turned that other guy into a f***g kabab!" 135 00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:08,466 Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero. 136 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,959 And, yeah, technically, this is a murder. 137 00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,295 But some of the best love stories start with a murder. 138 00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:16,381 And that's exactly what this is. A love story. 139 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:17,841 And to tell it right... 140 00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:22,741 I gotta take you back to long before I squeezed this a***s into red spandex. 141 00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:28,727 Look, would it help if I slow it down for you? I didn't order the pizza. 142 00:14:28,827 -->...