Ace.Ventura_.Pet.Detective.1994.1080p.BluRay.x264.YIFY Movie Subtitles

1 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,600 Heads up! Good defense! 2 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,200 Good defense! 3 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,900 We're going downtown. 4 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:19,300 Shut the hell up, you stupid mutt! 5 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,100 What do you want? 6 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:26,200 HDS, sir. How are you this afternoon? Alrighty. I have a package for you. 7 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,800 It sounds broken. 8 00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:35,500 Most likely. I'll bet it was something nice. This is an insurance form. 9 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,500 If you'll just sign here, here, and here... 10 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,500 ...we'll get the rest of the forms to you soon. 11 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:47,300 That's a lovely dog. 12 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:51,200 - Do you mind if I pet him? - I don't give a rat's a***s. 13 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:04,800 Oh, brother! 14 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,000 That's fine. I can finish the rest. 15 00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:10,900 You just have yourself a good day. Take care now. Bye-bye. 16 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,300 Excuse me! HDS! 17 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,400 HDS! Coming through! 18 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:29,100 G***t a package, people! 19 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,100 Get away from the door. 20 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,600 What's the matter with you? I said, get! 21 00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:57,700 Son of a bitch! 22 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,900 That was a close one! 23 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,300 Unfortunately... 24 00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:05,900 ...in every contest there must be a loser. 25 00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:18,700 Hungry, fellow? 26 00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,700 There you go. 27 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,500 No problem. It gets flooded. We'll just wait a few seconds. 28 00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:35,700 Or we can try it now. 29 00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,100 Putz! 30 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,400 Come on! 31 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,900 Get out! Get out! 32 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,700 Warning: Assholes are closer than they appear! 33 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:53,500 Give me a push while you're back there. 34 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,700 Alrighty, then! 35 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,300 It's alive! 36 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,300 It's alive! 37 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:52,700 My little baby, come here. You missed Mommy, didn't you? 38 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:57,300 Yes, you did. Did Daddy hurt you? I won't let him. No, I won't. 39 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:02,700 He can keep the big TV, but he's not gonna hurt my baby, no he's not. 40 00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:08,400 Thank you, Mr. Ventura. 41 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,200 How can I ever repay you? 42 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:14,800 A reward would be good. 43 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:19,100 There is some damage to my car, and I had to fill it with premium. 44 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:25,600 Would you like for me to take your pants off instead? 45 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,700 Gee! Let me think. 46 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,300 Sure. 47 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,600 People are real friendly around here. 48 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,700 Ventura! 49 00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:44,500 Yes, Satan? 50 00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:48,500 I'm sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else. 51 00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:51,300 Never mind the wisecracks, Ventura. 52 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,300 You owe me rent. 53 00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:58,600 Mr. Shickadance, I told you, you're my first priority. 54 00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:02,400 I'm on a very big case right now. Check this out. 55 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,500 Look at that. That's a true albino pigeon. 56 00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:09,100 Some rich guy lost it. He's offering a $25,000 reward. 57 00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:11,300 As soon as I find this bird... 58 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:12,400 ...you're paid. 59 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,200 I heard animals in there. 60 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:18,200 I heard them again this morning, scratching around. 61 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,400 I never bring my work home with me. 62 00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:22,000 Oh, yeah? 63 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:25,000 What's all this pet food for? 64 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:26,900 Fiber. 65 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,900 Wanna take a look inside? Come on! 66 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:32,800 Come on! 67 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,200 Go ahead. Snoop around! 68 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:01,500 Well? 69 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,500 Are you satisfied? 70 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:10,300 Just don't let me catch you with an animal in here. That's all. 71 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:11,800 All right. 72 00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:14,300 Take care, now. Bye-bye, then. 73 00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:17,600 Loser! 74 00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,500 Come to me, jungle friends. 75 00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:04,600 Roger, let me ask you one question. 76 00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:07,500 How in hell do you lose a 500-pound fish? 77 00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:10,100 What? 78 00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,600 I'm sorry, I was just going to say... 79 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,600 ...that it's not a fish. It's a mammal. 80 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,000 Thank you, Miss Jacques Cousteau. 81 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,100 She didn't mean anything by that. 82 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,700 I don't give a good goddamn about that fish! 83 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:26,300 Fillet it and fast-food it if you want to! 84 00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:29,900 All I give a d***n about is winning the Super Bowl! 85 00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:33,800 My athletes have g***t to have their heads in the right place! 86 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:38,200 S***t, Roger! You've been in this business a long time. 87 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,400 You know how superstitious these players are. 88 00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:46,200 I have a quarterback that's put his socks on backwards since high school. 89 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:50,500 I've g***t a linebacker that hasn't washed his jockey strap in two years... 90 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,500 ...because he thinks flies are lucky. 91 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,400 I want that fish on that field Super Bowl Sunday. 92 00:11:57,700 --> 00:11:59,200 Find the fish... 93 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,100 ...or find new jobs! 94 00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:04,200 Why did it happen now, two weeks before the Super Bowl? 95 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,400 I'll tell you, it's those animal-rights activists! 96 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,300 Always out with their signs: 97 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,500 "Animals were born free! Stop torturing Snowflake!" 98 00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:14,800 That fish lives better than they do. 99 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:19,700 The police are checking into the animal- rights groups. Have they called back? 100 00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:23,200 No, but I wanted to tell you, when I lost my Cuddles... 101 00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,200 ...I hired a pet detective. 102 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:26,800 A what? 103 00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:29,600 A pet detective. 104 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,000 Thanks, Martha, but we better leave this to professionals. 105 00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,400 Well, actually, he was quite good. 106 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:41,300 Pet detection is a very involved, highly scientific process. 107 00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:37,500 Like a glove! 108 00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:49,800 Mr. Ventura here to see you. 109 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:51,900 Thanks, Martha. 110 00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,700 Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson. 111 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,200 Pleasure to meet you. 112 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,400 Any trouble getting in? 113 00:13:57,700 --> 00:14:01,800 No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle. 114 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,000 Security's tight Super Bowl week. 115 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,600 Why don't you have a seat? I'll get right to the point. 116 00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:13,900 Our mascot was stolen from his tank last night. Are you familiar with Snowflake? 117 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,300 Negative. 118 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:19,200 We g***t him from Miami. He's a rare bottle-nosed dolphin. 119 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,800 This is a new trick he was going to do for the halftime show. 120 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,000 Let's go. 121 00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:26,200 Blue 42, blue 42! 122 00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:27,600 Hut, hut! 123 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:32,300 All right! 124 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,200 Come on, let's go! 125 00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,700 Good boy! 126 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:55,600 Would you like an ashtray? 127 00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:58,600 I don't smoke. 128 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,900 It's a disgusting habit. 129 00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:08,300 The police came today. 130 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,700 Apparently, the kidnappers came in through the back with a... 131 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:15,100 Four-wheel-drive van, loaded from the rear. 132 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,200 Roger, how you holding up? 133 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:22,400 If I'm walking funny it's because I g***t two dozen reporters up my a***s. 134 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,700 They've been asking me about Snowflake all morning. 135 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,000 Who's he? 136 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,600 Roger Podacter, meet Ace Ventura. 137 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,700 He's our pet detective. 138 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:39,800 Nice to meet you. You came very...