Newhart s02e04 The Stratford Wives Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,040 This is awful. 2 00:00:57,100 --> 00:01:01,620 What? I can't stand to read about current events anymore. It's just one 3 00:01:01,620 --> 00:01:02,860 depressing thing after another. 4 00:01:03,260 --> 00:01:04,259 What are you reading about? 5 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:05,560 Leather jumpsuits. 6 00:01:06,940 --> 00:01:09,820 Everyone says they're in this year, and it just makes me sick. 7 00:01:10,340 --> 00:01:14,020 It's a brutal world, Stephanie, but we can't let it keep us from our dusting. 8 00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:16,320 Right. 9 00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:19,320 Morning. 10 00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:24,320 D***k, I just did something by accident, and I feel terrible about it. 11 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:25,719 What is it? 12 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:26,740 I opened all of your mail. 13 00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:34,040 You opened all of this by accident? It was put in my box by mistake, but I 14 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:35,040 didn't read any of it. 15 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:39,040 All I looked at was one thing from a record club. 16 00:01:39,260 --> 00:01:40,380 I'm really sorry about it. 17 00:01:40,820 --> 00:01:41,820 It's okay, I guess. 18 00:01:42,380 --> 00:01:43,860 So, are you going to join the record club? 19 00:01:45,260 --> 00:01:46,260 I doubt it. 20 00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:49,260 Wise move, considering the size of your electric bill. 21 00:01:53,020 --> 00:01:55,020 Kirk, there's smoke coming from your cafe. 22 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,600 I guess it's time to flip those burgers. 23 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:05,940 People, go back in. It's not a fire. It's just a little smoke. 24 00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:12,560 D***k, I picked up a copy of the Times for you. 25 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,480 Did you get my loofah sponges? Yes. 26 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,440 Thanks. Loofah sponges? 27 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:22,040 It's beauty night. I set aside one night a week to maintain myself. 28 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:24,480 What are you using them for? 29 00:02:24,890 --> 00:02:28,530 Well, I use them to scrub away dead, dry skin. Do you want to try one? 30 00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:32,030 No. No, I have someone come in once a week to do that. 31 00:02:34,490 --> 00:02:35,890 So, how are things in town? 32 00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:40,330 Great. I ran into Mrs. Wanamaker at the drugstore, and she invited the two of us 33 00:02:40,330 --> 00:02:41,790 to a community potluck tonight. 34 00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,690 Well, maybe sometime we'll do that. 35 00:02:44,390 --> 00:02:45,590 I thought we'd do that tonight. 36 00:02:46,370 --> 00:02:47,370 What's a potluck? 37 00:02:48,190 --> 00:02:52,770 Oh, it's a big mass dinner where people bring food they wouldn't serve at home. 38 00:02:54,980 --> 00:02:59,340 Down into a dingy church basement and sit around on folding chairs and eat off 39 00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:00,680 paper plates. 40 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,560 That sounds horrible. It sounds horrible the way he describes it. 41 00:03:05,780 --> 00:03:06,960 I think it sounds like fun. 42 00:03:08,060 --> 00:03:09,260 You don't want to go, do you? 43 00:03:09,780 --> 00:03:13,280 You know I don't like that kind of stuff. But D***k, it's a chance to make 44 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,620 friends. And it's so New England. 45 00:03:16,020 --> 00:03:18,980 No, it's not. We had potluck dinners in New York and I didn't like them there 46 00:03:18,980 --> 00:03:20,780 either. You never want to go anywhere. 47 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,160 Yes, I do. No, you don't. And you know why? 48 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:24,700 Because you don't like people. 49 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,700 I do, too, like people. 50 00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:32,280 No, you don't. You'd rather sit around in a torn T -shirt watching television 51 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,280 and swilling beer. 52 00:03:34,820 --> 00:03:36,060 I never do that. 53 00:03:36,740 --> 00:03:38,100 I certainly hope not. 54 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:43,160 Look, D***k, if you don't want to go, we won't go. I'll just call Mrs. Wanamaker 55 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:44,360 and tell her to count us out. 56 00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:47,760 You don't have to do that. You're just saying that to pacify me. 57 00:03:47,980 --> 00:03:48,980 That's true. 58 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,540 Well, I'm not going to go anywhere just to be pacified. 59 00:03:52,940 --> 00:03:55,860 If we're both not going to enjoy it, I think we should just forget it. 60 00:03:56,440 --> 00:04:00,960 Dora, Joanna, I just talked to D***k and we can't wait to come tonight. 61 00:04:19,049 --> 00:04:22,730 Isn't this charming? Look at the dishes and the people in the room. 62 00:04:23,070 --> 00:04:24,070 Isn't it wonderful? 63 00:04:24,370 --> 00:04:25,370 Yeah. 64 00:04:27,410 --> 00:04:29,390 Ready to go? Come on, honey. 65 00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:32,770 You promised to at least pretend to have a good time. 66 00:04:32,970 --> 00:04:33,769 I will. 67 00:04:33,770 --> 00:04:39,970 Joanna! Come on in. I'm so glad you and D***k could make it. Well, it was nice of 68 00:04:39,970 --> 00:04:40,970 you to invite us. 69 00:04:41,290 --> 00:04:44,630 Well, I always say no one should miss out on one of our potlucks. 70 00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:48,410 What's that casserole you've g***t there, Joanna? That looks pretty exotic. 71 00:04:48,770 --> 00:04:49,770 Tuna. Oh. 72 00:04:50,270 --> 00:04:54,750 Well, I always say, can't have a good potluck without four or five tuna 73 00:04:54,750 --> 00:04:55,750 casseroles. 74 00:04:56,410 --> 00:04:58,990 I'll put it with the others. Here, let me take your coat. 75 00:04:59,210 --> 00:05:03,270 Oh, thank you. Oh, Shirley, come out here. I want you to meet my wife. 76 00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:07,450 Shirley, this is D***k and Joanna Loudon. How do you do? 77 00:05:07,670 --> 00:05:10,410 It's nice to meet you. I'll put these on the table over there. 78 00:05:11,130 --> 00:05:14,670 I feel I know you already. I've heard so much about you. 79 00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:16,210 Oh, really? 80 00:05:16,370 --> 00:05:20,230 Well, you can't live in a town this size and own the Stratford Inn and not have 81 00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:22,710 people talk about you. I get that's true. 82 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:23,990 What do you do, D***k? 83 00:05:26,890 --> 00:05:28,230 I'm a writer. 84 00:05:28,490 --> 00:05:29,490 A writer? 85 00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:30,930 Isn't that interesting? 86 00:05:32,230 --> 00:05:33,870 Where are you from? New York. 87 00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,910 The Big Apple, huh? 88 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:38,570 Shirley, could you help me for a minute? 89 00:05:38,890 --> 00:05:43,900 Excuse me. Excuse me. It's so nice to finally meet the people I've heard so 90 00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:44,900 about. 91 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,360 How does it feel to be a celebrity? 92 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,000 Fine. 93 00:05:50,740 --> 00:05:52,560 Well, are you having fun so far? 94 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:53,900 Boy, I **. 95 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:59,340 I think it's just wonderful the way the whole community gets together like this. 96 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,100 There seems to be so much warmth and fellowship. 97 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:03,600 Okay, everybody! 98 00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:09,390 So much for warmth and fellowship. 99 00:06:10,990 --> 00:06:15,450 Hey, D***k, you should write a book about our potluck dinners. You could call it 100 00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:16,470 Vittles of Vermont. 101 00:06:16,970 --> 00:06:20,630 Right. I have never seen so much food in all my life. 102 00:06:20,910 --> 00:06:22,590 Doesn't it all look wonderful? 103 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:26,190 Can't wait to go back for a second. I'm going to have to get some of these 104 00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:27,190 recipes. 105 00:06:33,510 --> 00:06:35,490 Pardon me. 106 00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:37,810 I'm a bit confused. 107 00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:39,530 Oh? What's wrong? 108 00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:44,170 Well, the women are all going into the kitchen and the men are all staying out 109 00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:45,430 here. Yeah? 110 00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,710 Why aren't we all eating dinner together? 111 00:06:49,130 --> 00:06:50,310 Oh, we never eat together. 112 00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:51,889 Why not? 113 00:06:51,890 --> 00:06:53,450 I don't know. It's just a tradition. 114 00:06:54,150 --> 00:06:55,150 A tradition? 115 00:06:55,650 --> 00:07:00,130 Yes, you see, when this all started back in the 1800s, the farmers used to come 116 00:07:00,130 --> 00:07:01,390 into town to sell their crops. 117 00:07:01,870 --> 00:07:05,790 Women would cook up some food, bring it over to the men, then go back to the 118 00:07:05,790 --> 00:07:08,970 house and go on about their business. And it's stayed pretty much the same all 119 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:12,290 these years. The men sit out here and talk about hunting and fishing, and the 120 00:07:12,290 --> 00:07:16,070 women go in the kitchen and talk about whatever it is women talk about. 121 00:07:16,790 --> 00:07:17,790 We like it. 122 00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:19,530 Do the women like it? 123 00:07:19,870 --> 00:07:21,250 Oh, and they haven't heard any complaints. 124 00:07:21,810 --> 00:07:24,250 Women feel at home in the kitchen, don't they? 125 00:07:24,730 --> 00:07:28,190 But that, that, that, that, that, that's... That's very interesting. 126 00:07:28,430 --> 00:07:33,050 Your tradition, I mean. Well, the important thing is everybody has a good 127 00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:38,700 I don't think I like this. 128 00:07:39,420 --> 00:07:40,460 What are you talking about? 129 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,960 Well, I'm not going to be packed off to eat in some hot, steamy kitchen while 130 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,080 you sit out here with the men. 131 00:07:47,580 --> 00:07:50,260 Honey, remember, I didn't want to come here in the first place. 132...