Carry.On.Cruising.1962.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG-English Movie Subtitles

1 00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:22,552 Well, gentlemen, here we are just 2 00:02:22,553 --> 00:02:25,203 about to set sail on another cruise. 3 00:02:25,292 --> 00:02:28,076 For ten years we've run this ship together, 4 00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:32,207 steadily increasing our reputation as the most efficient crew afloat. 5 00:02:32,292 --> 00:02:34,697 Together, that's the word. 6 00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:36,332 We know each other. 7 00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,690 Ten solid years of mutual knowledge, and 8 00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:40,742 that in itself makes for efficiency. 9 00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:42,989 And enables me, as I look at all your familiar 10 00:02:42,991 --> 00:02:44,779 faces, to come to the point and say... 11 00:02:44,875 --> 00:02:47,659 - Who are you? - Your First Officer, sir. 12 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:51,281 You're not. Foxton is. What's happened to Foxton? Is he ill? 13 00:02:51,375 --> 00:02:53,828 - What's he g***t? - Eight draws, sir. 14 00:02:53,917 --> 00:02:55,374 I should be so sick. 15 00:02:55,458 --> 00:02:57,532 I'm your emergency replacement, sir. 16 00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:01,492 Marjoribanks. 17 00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:04,573 On transfer from the Wrens? 18 00:03:05,708 --> 00:03:07,532 They told me you were a pretty wit, 19 00:03:07,533 --> 00:03:09,204 sir. It's pronounced Marchbanks. 20 00:03:09,291 --> 00:03:10,665 At your service, sir. 21 00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:12,906 What are you laughing at? 22 00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:17,117 Nothing. 23 00:03:17,208 --> 00:03:21,533 - Who are you? - Marjori... The ship's doctor. 24 00:03:21,625 --> 00:03:23,948 - Impossible. - It's not impossible at all. 25 00:03:24,041 --> 00:03:26,246 I have certificates to prove it. Have I not? 26 00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:28,205 - I'm certified, I **. - You look it. 27 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,993 - Thank you. - A wit. They were right. 28 00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:34,365 - Shut up. - Sir. 29 00:03:36,708 --> 00:03:38,994 - Binn? - No, that's the trouble. 30 00:03:39,083 --> 00:03:42,662 Well, I haven't been regular, lately, you see. 31 00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:46,080 So, therefore, I prescribed myself a sea voyage and the exercise. 32 00:03:46,166 --> 00:03:47,789 That's why I'm here, actually. 33 00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:49,747 - Say "sir". - You say "ah". 34 00:03:49,833 --> 00:03:52,701 Good gracious me. I do not like that green fleck in the eye. 35 00:03:52,791 --> 00:03:55,706 Never mind about his eye. Where have you sprung from? 36 00:03:55,791 --> 00:03:57,581 Oh, er... Consolidated Marmalade. 37 00:03:57,666 --> 00:04:01,411 I was the factory's Medical Officer, you see. 38 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,202 - Where's Dr Jepson? - Consolidated Marmalade. 39 00:04:04,291 --> 00:04:06,496 This eye? Is it this eye? Are you sure? 40 00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:07,704 Yes, that's the one. 41 00:04:07,791 --> 00:04:10,078 You see this here, sir? Green as grass in there. 42 00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:12,478 Too much chlorophyll in the toothpaste. 43 00:04:12,479 --> 00:04:13,520 Watch it. 44 00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,619 - Sir. - It's all very unsettling, this. 45 00:04:15,708 --> 00:04:18,143 All these changes made behind my back. 46 00:04:18,144 --> 00:04:19,186 Pardon? 47 00:04:19,187 --> 00:04:22,537 - My back. My back. - Probably overdoing it? 48 00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:24,911 - I'll massage your clavicles. - You will not. 49 00:04:25,814 --> 00:04:26,856 Now, where was I? 50 00:04:26,857 --> 00:04:28,784 You were getting to the point, sir. 51 00:04:28,874 --> 00:04:30,533 Oh, yes, yes. 52 00:04:30,624 --> 00:04:32,579 Now, if this voyage turns out to be 53 00:04:32,580 --> 00:04:34,369 as successful as all the others, 54 00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:37,456 don't be surprised if, after our return, I ask each of you to... 55 00:04:37,541 --> 00:04:40,077 Excuse me. Could you direct me to the kitchen? 56 00:04:40,166 --> 00:04:41,990 I'm new, you see. Sorry to interrupt 57 00:04:41,991 --> 00:04:43,863 you, but I've been all over the boat. 58 00:04:43,958 --> 00:04:46,079 - Ship. - Who cares, as long as it floats? 59 00:04:47,541 --> 00:04:49,828 I've been down the sharp end and the blunt end, 60 00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:52,203 and I've been down as far as it's possible to go. 61 00:04:52,291 --> 00:04:55,242 But I keep on finishing up ankle-deep in mucky water. 62 00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:58,082 - Bilge. - Ooh. No need to be rude. 63 00:04:59,416 --> 00:05:01,739 - Who are you? - Well, make a wild guess. 64 00:05:03,916 --> 00:05:06,535 Wilfred Haines, Captain. You'll find me on the list. 65 00:05:06,624 --> 00:05:08,695 What happened to our regular ship's cook? 66 00:05:08,696 --> 00:05:09,871 Perhaps he g***t fed up. 67 00:05:09,958 --> 00:05:12,790 - Fed up. That's good. - Belt up. 68 00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:16,530 - What's your story? - I'm the son of a sea cook. 69 00:05:16,624 --> 00:05:18,584 The original one, to look at you. 70 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:19,626 Thank you. 71 00:05:19,627 --> 00:05:22,408 No, I've always wanted to go to sea. 72 00:05:22,499 --> 00:05:25,699 Thought I'd follow my father's wake, as it were. See? 73 00:05:25,791 --> 00:05:28,070 All I want to see is that this crew finishes 74 00:05:28,071 --> 00:05:30,247 up the most efficient that we've ever had. 75 00:05:30,333 --> 00:05:32,863 If it is, when we return, I expect to be given 76 00:05:32,864 --> 00:05:35,286 command of the company's new Atlantic liner. 77 00:05:35,374 --> 00:05:37,395 Which means I will have to select my own 78 00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:39,415 crew, and that could be you. All of you. 79 00:05:39,499 --> 00:05:41,289 - All right, dismissed. - Oh, good. 80 00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:44,905 Except you, you and you. 81 00:05:44,999 --> 00:05:47,155 Now, then. I ** going to be blunt 82 00:05:47,156 --> 00:05:49,573 and make some very cutting remarks. 83 00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:51,741 On the face of it, that's a contradiction in 84 00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:53,909 terms. But English is a very curious language. 85 00:05:53,999 --> 00:05:57,692 If you interrupt me once more, Mr... Mr... 86 00:05:57,693 --> 00:05:59,415 Marjoribanks, sir. 87 00:05:59,499 --> 00:06:01,850 Thank you. If you interrupt me once more, mate, 88 00:06:01,851 --> 00:06:03,907 you'll hear some really curious language. 89 00:06:03,999 --> 00:06:06,207 Now, then. I have slugged my way up 90 00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:08,538 from nothing to get where I ** today. 91 00:06:08,624 --> 00:06:11,575 But there are some copper-bottomed gentlemen on the board 92 00:06:11,666 --> 00:06:13,748 who still think it's dead wrong for an 93 00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,991 H-dropper like me to be a ship's captain. 94 00:06:16,082 --> 00:06:18,618 And they would scuttle me if they had half a chance. 95 00:06:18,707 --> 00:06:20,753 And that is why I have built this whole crew 96 00:06:20,754 --> 00:06:22,571 round me, so they don't get the chance. 97 00:06:22,666 --> 00:06:26,245 That is also why I get nervous when I see new faces. 98 00:06:26,332 --> 00:06:30,029 Your faces are new. So I'm nervous. 99 00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:33,205 To me, you look like disaster on six legs. 100 00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:36,075 Prove I'm wrong. That's all I ask. 101 00:06:36,166 --> 00:06:38,203 - Clear? - As day. 102 00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:40,328 - As an X-ray. - As soup. 103 00:06:50,603 --> 00:06:53,387 - Who are you? - Me, sir? Turner, sir. 104 00:06:53,478 --> 00:06:55,268 - Turner? - Turner, sir. 105 00:06:55,353 --> 00:06:57,593 - What are you doing here? - Head barman, sir. 106 00:06:57,686 --> 00:07:00,056 You can't be head barman. Angus is my head barman. 107 00:07:00,145 --> 00:07:02,182 - Not any more, sir. - Not any more? 108 00:07:02,270 --> 00:07:04,296 They can't do this to me. Changing the 109 00:07:04,297 --> 00:07:06,477 barman? It's like ripping out the engine. 110 00:07:06,561 --> 00:07:08,564 What has happened to Angus? Don't tell me 111 00:07:08,566 --> 00:07:10,472 he g***t married and swore off the booze? 112 00:07:10,561 --> 00:07:13,050 - How did you guess, sir? - Oh, no. Not Angus. 113 00:07:13,145 --> 00:07:16,261 He's the only one... Do you know how to mix my favourite drink? 114 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,344 - What's that, sir? - The Aberdeen Angus. 115 00:07:18,436 --> 00:07:20,229 No, but you've only g***t to tell me... 116 00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:21,304 But I can't tell you. 117 00:07:21,395 --> 00:07:23,930 Only Angus knows it. Didn't he tell you the secret? 118 00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:25,827 Didn't he give you the recipe for the 119 00:07:25,828 --> 00:07:27,634 drink that's g***t a kick like a steer? 120 00:07:27,728 --> 00:07:29,351 No. 121 00:07:29,436 --> 00:07:32,130 The whole cruise... without an Aberdeen Angus 122 00:07:32,131 --> 00:07:34,473 kicking about inside me. I'll go barmy. 123 00:07:38,603 --> 00:07:41,471 Hello, hello. Well, this ain't the kitchen, is it? 124 00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:44,459 I should say not. It's the Captain's night cabin. 125 00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:45,502 Oh. Cosy. 126 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,557 Distinctly cosy, yes. 127 00:07:47,645 --> 00:07:50,133 Er... Do you know where the kitchen is? 128 00:07:50,228 --> 00:07:52,681 Afraid not, sir. I'm a stranger round here myself. 129 00:07:52,770 --> 00:07:56,633 Another new face? Poor fella....