South Park - 1x01 - Cartman Gets an A***l Probe.en Movie Subtitles

[INFORMATION] [AUTHOR] [SOURCE] [PRG] [FILEPATH] [DELAY] [CD TRACK] [COMMENT] [END INFORMATION] [SUBTITLE] [COLF]&HFFFFFF,[STYLE]no,[SIZE]18,[FONT]Arial 00:00:02.77,00:00:06.80 And now, a fireside chat[br]with the creators of South Park: 00:00:06.98,00:00:09.85 Matt Stone and Trey Parker. 00:00:14.55,00:00:17.04 - Hi. I'm Trey Parker.[br]- I'm Matt Stone. 00:00:17.26,00:00:22.59 - This is Scratch. Say hi, old fella.[br]- We do a show called South Park. 00:00:22.83,00:00:25.32 Tell us a little about yourselves. 00:00:25.53,00:00:29.73 I met Matthew at the University[br]of Colorado in film school. 00:00:29.94,00:00:33.00 I actually met him[br]in beginning filmmaking. 00:00:33.17,00:00:38.27 I found someone who could make me[br]laugh, even when I felt like crying. 00:00:39.41,00:00:42.40 Guys, who would you say[br]are your role models? 00:00:42.58,00:00:45.91 I'd have to say my biggest[br]role model is Matt. 00:00:46.12,00:00:49.14 I'd have to say mine[br]is Theodore Roosevelt... 00:00:49.35,00:00:51.91 ...for his work with the Rough Riders. 00:00:52.12,00:00:54.15 Tell us about this episode. 00:00:54.33,00:00:58.23 It's called "Cartman Gets[br]an A***l Probe." It's our favorite. 00:00:58.40,00:01:01.16 Kyle's brother Ike[br]is abducted by aliens... 00:01:01.33,00:01:04.60 ...and Cartman has strange things[br]implanted in his a***s. 00:01:04.77,00:01:08.21 The reason this episode[br]is old Scratch's favorite... 00:01:08.41,00:01:12.84 ...is because it's the only episode[br]we animated all by ourselves. 00:01:13.01,00:01:16.31 This was the pilot,[br]done before we had a series... 00:01:16.48,00:01:19.38 ...so we had to do[br]the whole thing ourselves. 00:01:19.55,00:01:23.92 For several months, we were locked[br]into a cold, dark, little room... 00:01:24.09,00:01:26.39 ...for long periods of time. 00:01:26.83,00:01:31.19 That "kick the baby" game looks fun.[br]Have you played it personally? 00:01:31.40,00:01:33.66 Neither of us have children. 00:01:33.87,00:01:37.63 The only family we have[br]is each other and old Scratch. 00:01:37.80,00:01:41.47 - We're not married yet.[br]- We can't even get dates. 00:01:41.64,00:01:46.81 The truth is, until we have children,[br]we won't know whether we'll kick them. 00:01:47.31,00:01:51.48 You write alien-encounter material[br]with a certain knowledge. 00:01:51.65,00:01:55.64 Have either of you[br]actually been abducted? 00:01:56.96,00:02:01.39 Trey, it's okay.[br]Go ahead and tell them. 00:02:01.56,00:02:05.89 I grew up near South Park,[br]so I was abducted as a small child. 00:02:06.06,00:02:10.30 I remember the experience.[br]I remember how horrible it was. 00:02:10.47,00:02:12.87 I remember too much. 00:02:13.91,00:02:19.57 So sit back, relax and enjoy[br]"Cartman Gets an A***l Probe." 00:02:51.91,00:02:53.78 Cartman Gets an A***l Probe 00:02:56.58,00:03:01.11 D***n it! My little brother's trying[br]to follow me to school again. 00:03:01.29,00:03:04.35 Ike, you can't come to school with me. 00:03:04.56,00:03:08.89 - Go home, you little d***o.[br]- Dude, don't call my brother a d***o. 00:03:09.06,00:03:10.86 - What's a d***o?[br]- I don't know. 00:03:11.03,00:03:14.40 - Cartman doesn't know either.[br]- I know what it is! 00:03:14.57,00:03:17.30 - Well, what?[br]- I'm not telling you. 00:03:17.47,00:03:19.56 What's a d***o, Kenny? 00:03:22.51,00:03:26.60 Yeah, that's what Kyle's[br]little brother is, all right. 00:03:27.68,00:03:30.31 - That kicks a***s.[br]- Check this one out. 00:03:30.48,00:03:33.75 - Ready, Ike? Kick the baby.[br]- Don't kick the baby. 00:03:33.92,00:03:35.32 Kick the baby. 00:03:38.52,00:03:41.08 Looks like you didn't get much sleep. 00:03:41.26,00:03:45.06 - I had these bogus nightmares.[br]- Really? What about? 00:03:45.23,00:03:49.50 Well, I dreamt that I was lying[br]in my bed, in the dark... 00:03:49.67,00:03:53.90 ...when all of a sudden,[br]this bright blue light filled the room. 00:03:54.11,00:03:58.37 And slowly my bedroom door opened.[br]The next thing I remember... 00:03:58.54,00:04:01.44 ...I was being dragged[br]through a hallway. 00:04:01.61,00:04:06.07 Then I was on a table, and these[br]scary aliens wanted to operate on me. 00:04:06.25,00:04:08.88 And they had big heads and black eyes. 00:04:09.05,00:04:11.15 - Dude, visitors![br]- What? 00:04:11.32,00:04:15.42 - Those were visitors.[br]- It was just a dream. My mom said so. 00:04:15.59,00:04:19.46 - They're are real.[br]- They abduct people and mutilate cows. 00:04:19.63,00:04:23.59 Shut up. You're trying to scare me,[br]and it's not working. 00:04:24.27,00:04:26.43 - Hello, children.[br]- Hey, Chef. 00:04:26.61,00:04:31.01 - What's for lunch today?[br]- Salisbury steak with buttered noodles. 00:04:31.18,00:04:35.01 - Bean casserole or vegetable medley.[br]- Kick a***s. 00:04:35.18,00:04:38.62 Did any of you see[br]the alien spaceship last night? 00:04:38.78,00:04:40.34 Yeah, fat boy saw it. 00:04:40.52,00:04:44.39 That was just a dream.[br]And I'm not fat, I'm big-boned! 00:04:44.56,00:04:48.01 Was it the ones with the big heads[br]and black eyes? 00:04:48.19,00:04:52.36 - They took him on their ship.[br]- Did they give you an a***l probe? 00:04:52.53,00:04:53.52 What's that? 00:04:53.70,00:04:56.72 That's when they put a metal hoop[br]up your butt. 00:04:56.90,00:05:02.24 - They gave you an a***l probe, Cartman?[br]- No! I mean, why would they do that? 00:05:02.41,00:05:05.67 They did, huh?[br]Aliens stuck stuff up your a***s! 00:05:05.84,00:05:07.84 - A***l probe.[br]- Shut up, d***o! 00:05:08.01,00:05:11.31 I gotta get to the cafeteria.[br]Watch that fat boy, now. 00:05:11.48,00:05:13.58 He could be under alien control. 00:05:17.69,00:05:20.52 They were real. Sorry about your a***s. 00:05:20.69,00:05:25.46 Goddamn it, they didn't do anything[br]to my a***s! It was just a dream. 00:05:27.67,00:05:30.10 - Why you walking so funny?[br]- Shut up! 00:05:30.80,00:05:32.43 No, Ike, go home. 00:05:32.60,00:05:36.63 This is it. This one's for the game.[br]Kick the baby. 00:05:39.98,00:05:43.38 - Good morning, Mrs. Crabtree.[br]- Sit down, we're late! 00:05:48.09,00:05:50.32 - He's still there.[br]- Don't worry. 00:05:50.49,00:05:53.98 If something happens to him,[br]my parents will blame me. 00:05:54.16,00:05:56.46 Sit down back there! 00:05:56.63,00:05:59.56 - Whatever, you fat bitch.[br]- What did you say?! 00:05:59.73,00:06:02.10 I said, I have a bad itch. 00:06:02.73,00:06:04.63 Oh, my God! 00:06:05.67,00:06:07.80 - Visitors![br]- Oh, no! 00:06:07.97,00:06:10.60 Ike! Stop the bus! 00:06:11.08,00:06:13.37 You have to stop this bus! 00:06:13.55,00:06:16.34 - Do you want an office referral?[br]- No. 00:06:16.51,00:06:18.28 - Then sit down![br]- But l... 00:06:25.76,00:06:30.06 - Are those the same visitors you saw?[br]- Shut up, it's not working. 00:06:30.23,00:06:32.82 - We have to do something.[br]- We can't. 00:06:33.00,00:06:36.30 - That fat bitch won't let us.[br]- What did you say?! 00:06:36.47,00:06:41.91 - I said that rabbits eat lettuce.[br]- Well, yes, they certainly do. 00:06:43.17,00:06:47.08 What ** I gonna do? My brother[br]has been abducted by aliens. 00:06:47.25,00:06:49.21 You farted. 00:06:50.08,00:06:52.14 Somebody's baking brownies. 00:06:57.79,00:06:59.95 That's the third cow this month. 00:07:00.13,00:07:04.72 At this rate, all my cattle will die[br]before the winter's through. 00:07:04.90,00:07:09.70 This isn't unusual. Cows turn[br]themselves inside out all the time. 00:07:10.87,00:07:14.10 People been saying[br]they've seen UFOs around. 00:07:14.27,00:07:16.30 UFOs? 00:07:16.47,00:07:19.47 And black Army CIA helicopters[br]and trucks. 00:07:19.64,00:07:23.74 That is the silliest thing[br]I've ever heard. 00:07:25.22,00:07:28.19 - What was that?[br]- That was a pigeon. 00:07:28.35,00:07:30.69 What ** I supposed to do? 00:07:30.86,00:07:36.09 Just stand here and watch my cattle[br]get mutilated one by one? 00:07:39.10,00:07:40.29 My cattle! 00:07:44.80,00:07:47.50 See? There is something[br]funny going on. 00:07:47.67,00:07:51.70 There's nothing funny going on.[br]I'll get those cows back. 00:07:54.15,00:07:59.58 And now our friend Mr. Hat is going[br]to tell us about Christopher Columbus. 00:07:59.75,00:08:01.62 That's right, Mr. Garrison. 00:08:01.79,00:08:06.49 Columbus discovered America[br]and was the Indians' best friend. 00:08:06.66,00:08:10.49 He helped them win their war[br]against Frederick Douglass... 00:08:10.66,00:08:15.00 ...and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon[br]and discovered France. 00:08:15.17,00:08:20.60 I have to help my stupid brother. If I[br]go home without him, my dad will yell: 00:08:20.77,00:08:24.47 "Where's your brother?[br]You weren't looking out for him." 00:08:24.64,00:08:27.58 - Let's go find him.[br]- "He can't think on his own. 00:08:27.78,00:08:30.81 Brush and floss.[br]Where has that finger been?" 00:08:30.98,00:08:32.85 - Dude![br]- Is there a problem? 00:08:33.02,00:08:35.75 - Yes, I have to go now.[br]- Really, Kyle? 00:08:35.92,00:08:41.86 - What is it? Another prostate tumor?[br]- My brother's been abducted by aliens. 00:08:42.03,00:08:45.59 It's true. Ask Cartman.[br]They gave him an a***l probe. 00:08:45.76,00:08:50.26 - That's a little joke.[br]- Mr. Garrison, seriously, I have to go. 00:08:50.44,00:08:54.63 - Can I please be excused?[br]- I don't know. Did you ask Mr. Hat? 00:08:54.81,00:08:57.60 I don't wanna ask Mr. Hat.[br]I'm asking you! 00:08:57.78,00:09:02.98 - I think you should ask Mr. Hat.[br]- Mr. Hat,...