Last Of The Summer Wine s29e05 All That Glitters is Not Elvis.eng Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:16,260 Didn't she have a wart? 2 00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:18,380 Yes, but he left her. 3 00:00:18,380 --> 00:00:21,360 Ran away with a policewoman. 4 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,300 On her chin. 5 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:25,020 Nothing unsightly. 6 00:00:25,020 --> 00:00:27,140 She was quite attractive. 7 00:00:27,140 --> 00:00:29,740 The wart was her best feature? 8 00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:32,520 Did I say that? 9 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:36,040 It's very difficult to have a serious conversation round here. 10 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:37,840 Yes, we've noticed that. 11 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,660 Are you sure he ran away with a policewoman? 12 00:00:42,660 --> 00:00:46,380 I mean, maybe he was being arrested. 13 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,920 You see what I mean? 14 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,820 I think I'll just go to sleep. 15 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,380 If there's any room, we'll probably join you. 16 00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:33,440 I'm coming! Get off the horn! I love that golden voice. 17 00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:47,060 Oh, get up, woman! 18 00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:49,620 You don't have to kneel for me. 19 00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:52,220 I want a word with you. 20 00:01:52,220 --> 00:01:55,720 Right, go ahead. Although I must warn you, 21 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,780 I'm not ready for any personal commitments. 22 00:01:58,780 --> 00:02:02,060 We all know what you're ready for. 23 00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:04,840 What was that row last night? 24 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,980 Row? 25 00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:09,420 You came home singing. 26 00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:11,360 That wasn't a row. 27 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:14,140 That was a musical postcard from me to you. 28 00:02:14,140 --> 00:02:18,000 I was just ready to empty a jug on you. 29 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,160 I looked at your lonely bedroom window and I thought, 30 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,260 "Guess who needs a little music in her life?" 31 00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:26,620 Who says it's lonely? 32 00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:28,560 Very little through traffic. 33 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,740 And there's no parking either. 34 00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:36,780 I saw your light was on and I thought, "Now what can I do to brighten up her life?" 35 00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:39,420 Well, you could move. 36 00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:41,220 No, no, I'm not moving in with you. 37 00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:44,200 You'll have to worship me at a distance. 38 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,660 A great distance would be nice. 39 00:02:56,580 --> 00:02:58,520 Has he had a bad night? 40 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:03,140 Not yet. But unless he snaps out of it, he's going to have one tonight. 41 00:03:03,140 --> 00:03:06,620 You know, Travis never looks on the bright side. 42 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,500 You'd think he'd hurt his eyes. 43 00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:11,420 He's been like it since yesterday. 44 00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:15,420 Regrets. Wished he'd had more colour in his life. 45 00:03:15,420 --> 00:03:17,820 Did he say what colour? 46 00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:19,760 He g***t brown. 47 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,100 I made him stain the kitchen door. 48 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,460 I wish I'd joined the paratroopers when I was first tempted. 49 00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:52,200 What's this? What's it look like? 50 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:57,040 I'm not buying you that for your birthday. It's MY birthday. 51 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:58,700 Aye. And they're beginning to show. 52 00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,480 Have you seen yourself lately? 53 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,540 You'd age anyone. 54 00:04:02,540 --> 00:04:04,020 Come here! 55 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:09,140 Don't be arguing in front of people. Don't leave for me. 56 00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:11,920 I'd sooner listen than lose a customer. 57 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,340 I'll bring him back. You wouldn't like to leave a small deposit first? 58 00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:17,940 We'll be back. Not to buy that thing, we won't! 59 00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:21,700 Shut your face in front of people. If you're not blowing your horn, you're blowing your mouth off. 60 00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:23,240 Where are you dragging me to? 61 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,880 To where people can't hear. 62 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,120 They can hear you in Leeds. 63 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:31,560 Shut it! I think I can say, without fear of contradiction, that this is 64 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:37,380 probably the best, nearly-new fridge-freezer in the universe. 65 00:04:37,380 --> 00:04:39,660 I had my own eye on this one. 66 00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:47,200 I don't want to buy her stuff like that for her birthday. 67 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,420 No. I want to buy her something more personal. 68 00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:52,980 Suppose we put her initials on it? 69 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,260 We'll take it. We won't take it. 70 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,180 She wants something that'll give her a lot of pleasure. 71 00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:06,820 Now let me think. Let me think, let me think. 72 00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:08,900 I've g***t it. 73 00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:10,620 A new hi-fi! 74 00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:13,060 I knew he'd come up with that. You lousy, tricky devil. 75 00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:14,620 Did you hear that? 76 00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:16,720 Where's the gratitude? Can you not see what I'm up against? 77 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,180 Do you think I don't know your scheming mind? 78 00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:22,320 What's wrong with hi-fi? 79 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,420 I'm talking state of the art here. 80 00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:26,100 Hours of listening pleasure. 81 00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:28,040 For you. I don't want hi-fi. 82 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:31,020 I want some useful domestic appliance. 83 00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:37,140 We deliver. We can have it on your doorstep before you can say the first 15 chapters of the Bible. 84 00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:41,500 She wants hi-fi. I don't want hi-fi. 85 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:45,300 I want a fridge freezer. Domestic appliances are no good for birthdays. 86 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,380 Whose birthday is it? 87 00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:49,060 Whose? Exactly. 88 00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:50,580 I'm glad you brought that up. 89 00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:52,080 Whose birthday? 90 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,160 It'll soon be the King's. 91 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,280 It'll soon be Elvis's. 92 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:03,380 And this year I was hoping this year we might celebrate it with a bigger sub-woofer. 93 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,580 You see! The conniving blob! 94 00:06:07,580 --> 00:06:10,000 Now, now, now. Hold it! 95 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,960 Simmer down a bit. 96 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,680 I can see a solution forming here. 97 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,540 Why don't you buy a fridge-freezer, 98 00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:21,360 and I'll give you discount on a little radio to put on top of it? 99 00:06:23,060 --> 00:06:26,180 I was hoping to buy something that'll bring us closer. 100 00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:28,080 When have we ever been close, you wormcake? 101 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,220 Not us. Closer to him! 102 00:06:31,820 --> 00:06:34,700 He wants the hi-fi so he can play his Elvis collection. 103 00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:37,120 Is that a felony to want the best for the King? 104 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,840 Elvis lives! 105 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,480 I just wish he was living. 106 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,160 With you. 107 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,060 He can have my place any day. 108 00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:03,400 Don't either of you two have any regrets? 109 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,800 Not till you came in. 110 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,400 I'm serious. 111 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,860 I think that's a fair description. 112 00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:15,560 I wish I'd chosen a life with more colour... 113 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,140 Spectacle. 114 00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:19,980 Excitement. Even danger. 115 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,320 You've g***t Pearl. 116 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,980 How much danger do you want? 117 00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:28,600 And for spectacle and excitement, there's always... 118 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,420 Enough! 119 00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:33,620 I knew you'd drag that young lady into it. 120 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,780 Look who's talking. 121 00:07:35,780 --> 00:07:39,960 If anybody does any dragging about of that young lady, it's you. 122 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,180 It wasn't how it looked. 123 00:07:42,180 --> 00:07:44,020 I told you. 124 00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:47,480 She g***t entangled in this bramble bush. 125 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,120 "In", you'll notice. 126 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,180 Not just "happened to be passing." 127 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:55,840 And then he says he lacks excitement. 128 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,120 I'm trying to be serious. 129 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,340 Nobody takes me seriously. 130 00:08:00,340 --> 00:08:04,060 Which shows a certain amount of good judgment. 131 00:08:04,060 --> 00:08:08,140 Where would you like to be taken seriously? 132 00:08:08,140 --> 00:08:12,560 You should have more sympathy for a person in emotional distress. 133 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,440 That sounds serious. 134 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,500...