The.Decoy.Bride.20111.720p.BluRay.x264-[YTS.**] Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:36,918 --> 00:00:42,085 Throngs of people outside still waiting for the bride to appear. 2 00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:44,127 She's not in there. I can feel it. 3 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:47,699 Any moment now, she should be leaving the hotel. 4 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:03,284 I overestimated her. I thought she'd be more elusive. 5 00:01:11,295 --> 00:01:14,575 -I don't understand what's happening. -What is going on here? 6 00:01:21,170 --> 00:01:25,326 I don't think they want us to know which one the real bride is. 7 00:02:14,505 --> 00:02:17,547 The streets are full of brides, the skies are full of brides, 8 00:02:17,547 --> 00:02:19,547 the press doesn't know which way is up. 9 00:02:19,547 --> 00:02:22,787 I'm a genius. Still no sign of Marco Ballani? 10 00:02:22,787 --> 00:02:23,214 None. 11 00:02:23,214 --> 00:02:25,047 Our intelligence says he's gone skiing. 12 00:02:25,058 --> 00:02:26,505 Gone skiing. Now? 13 00:02:26,505 --> 00:02:28,079 Then we're good. 14 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:55,997 Hello? 15 00:03:00,715 --> 00:03:04,049 You! What the hell are you doing in there? 16 00:03:04,049 --> 00:03:05,924 I ** the wedding photographer. 17 00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:07,841 Can I have the tall people at the back? 18 00:03:07,841 --> 00:03:11,716 -OK, buster, fun's over. -How long have you been in there? 19 00:03:11,716 --> 00:03:14,580 Oh, my God. This is not soda. 20 00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:17,622 I'm gonna kill you! 21 00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:31,602 You are ruining my life! 22 00:03:31,602 --> 00:03:33,706 I've ruined plenty of lives. 23 00:03:34,717 --> 00:03:36,748 You're nothing special. 24 00:03:41,176 --> 00:03:43,009 You abscess! 25 00:03:43,009 --> 00:03:48,458 When I do get married, you will not even know what continent I'm on! 26 00:03:55,926 --> 00:03:59,509 Marco Ballani, you golden Roman god! 27 00:03:59,509 --> 00:04:03,218 I will not be defeated by that disease of a man. 28 00:04:03,218 --> 00:04:06,500 We're gonna have to disappear completely. 29 00:04:07,219 --> 00:04:10,083 We can get married in outer space. 30 00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:13,375 Or the lost underwater kingdom of Atlantis? 31 00:04:13,885 --> 00:04:15,927 Outer space? I don't think you can yet. 32 00:04:15,927 --> 00:04:18,593 Is that what your intelligence tells you? 33 00:04:19,386 --> 00:04:22,583 We're gonna have to go somewhere crazy remote. 34 00:05:24,055 --> 00:05:26,086 Hi, Mum. 35 00:05:29,389 --> 00:05:31,420 Oh, no. 36 00:05:32,139 --> 00:05:35,753 -What's happened? -Nothing. I'm fine. 37 00:05:39,722 --> 00:05:45,421 -I'm fine. -Well, that's good. Just so long as you're fine. 38 00:05:46,098 --> 00:05:47,764 Are you going somewhere? 39 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,921 I don't suppose you're in the mood for a wedding? 40 00:05:52,181 --> 00:05:54,223 There is somebody out there for you, 41 00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:57,265 somebody sensitive and faithful and kind. 42 00:05:57,265 --> 00:05:59,848 But you'll never meet him if you're hiding here. 43 00:05:59,848 --> 00:06:03,057 Good. I don't want to meet him. He sounds like a twat. 44 00:06:03,057 --> 00:06:06,474 Anyway, I'm like kryptonite to men. 45 00:06:06,474 --> 00:06:09,504 Kryptonite dipped in cellulite. 46 00:06:10,932 --> 00:06:15,099 So, what's new on Hegg? Give me the headlines. 47 00:06:15,099 --> 00:06:17,557 One of Donald's sheep drowned. 48 00:06:17,557 --> 00:06:20,089 They had to fish it out with a curtain rail. 49 00:06:23,224 --> 00:06:26,058 -Hello. -Mild out, isn't it, Iseabail? 50 00:06:26,058 --> 00:06:28,682 It's this global warming. 51 00:06:28,682 --> 00:06:33,475 -Katie's back. -Sorry, yes. Are we late? 52 00:06:33,475 --> 00:06:36,381 Too late to marry him. 53 00:06:42,267 --> 00:06:43,965 Quick! 54 00:06:46,975 --> 00:06:49,455 Sorry. No. 55 00:06:52,434 --> 00:06:54,466 Hi, Angus. 56 00:06:57,725 --> 00:07:00,924 You're too late, Katie Nic Aodh. He's mine now! 57 00:07:03,059 --> 00:07:07,310 There's always the Oban tinker. He'll be visiting come September. 58 00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:10,226 And he's keen to marry on account of his leg. 59 00:07:10,226 --> 00:07:14,425 I'll marry you, Katie. How old will you be in eight years? 60 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:19,050 -40. -Could have gone to 36. 61 00:07:29,102 --> 00:07:31,685 -The return of the native. -Hello, Laird. 62 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:34,134 That was quite the entrance, Katie. 63 00:07:34,269 --> 00:07:37,936 And continuing the theme of my public humiliation, 64 00:07:37,936 --> 00:07:40,560 I may need my old job back. 65 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,727 Oh. What happened to your fancy Edinburgh job 66 00:07:42,727 --> 00:07:44,478 at the trouser catalogue? 67 00:07:44,478 --> 00:07:47,176 I ran out of ways to describe pockets. 68 00:07:47,769 --> 00:07:49,936 If you don't mind me saying, Katie, 69 00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:52,936 you've always had such a terrible taste in men. 70 00:07:52,936 --> 00:07:55,801 I know. I've gone man vegan. 71 00:07:55,978 --> 00:07:59,145 They say after the first six years you don't miss them any more. 72 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,395 You've picked the right spot to try it. 73 00:08:01,395 --> 00:08:06,385 There are no single men left on Hegg, are there, after today? 74 00:08:06,895 --> 00:08:09,676 Except for me, of course. 75 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:14,229 Perhaps you'll dance with me later on. 76 00:08:14,229 --> 00:08:17,520 You'll not be forgetting Hegg law, Laird. 77 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:21,760 You must dance with us all. Eldest to youngest. 78 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:22,687 Oh, yes. 79 00:08:22,687 --> 00:08:24,687 The dance of the dead. 80 00:08:24,687 --> 00:08:29,969 Which means I should get to you about 4:30 in the morning. 81 00:08:31,313 --> 00:08:33,345 So, 82 00:08:33,604 --> 00:08:35,855 how long are you back for? 83 00:08:35,855 --> 00:08:38,980 Well, actually, I'm thinking of staying. 84 00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:43,022 I thought you said nothing ever happened here. 85 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:48,137 No. Well, nothing happening is becoming more appealing. 86 00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:54,064 So, this is all very grown-up. You've a wife 87 00:08:54,064 --> 00:08:56,856 -and a beard. -Well, 88 00:08:56,856 --> 00:09:00,231 Muireen thinks differently of beards than you. 89 00:09:00,231 --> 00:09:02,263 And marriage. 90 00:09:04,522 --> 00:09:07,856 Look, I truly hope you'll be... 91 00:09:07,856 --> 00:09:09,887 Aye. 92 00:09:51,484 --> 00:09:54,317 Hegg: An Island History, 93 00:09:54,317 --> 00:09:57,108 The Definitive Guide. By Katie Nic Aodh. 94 00:09:57,108 --> 00:09:59,098 5 pounds a copy. We split the proceeds. 95 00:09:59,192 --> 00:10:03,317 A guidebook to here? Don't be mad. 96 00:10:03,317 --> 00:10:05,567 Come see our disused toilet 97 00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:08,443 that may or may not be haunted by the ghost of a drowned cow. 98 00:10:08,443 --> 00:10:09,318 You see? 99 00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:12,525 We need to channel this raw, creative energy. 100 00:10:12,525 --> 00:10:15,692 Else you're liable to get restless and go wandering off again. 101 00:10:15,692 --> 00:10:17,901 Nobody's going to buy a guidebook to Hegg. 102 00:10:17,901 --> 00:10:20,141 Unless it's cheaper than our toilet paper. 103 00:10:23,402 --> 00:10:25,849 A marketing conference? Here? 104 00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:29,734 -The tide has turned. -For the marketeers. 105 00:10:29,734 --> 00:10:32,974 a pound each or a pound 50 with hair. 106 00:10:35,526 --> 00:10:39,152 They want my castle, just as it is, for a week. 107 00:10:39,152 --> 00:10:42,100 -Good luck to them. -This is a beautiful island, Katie. 108 00:10:43,236 --> 00:10:45,027 In a way... 109 00:10:45,027 --> 00:10:48,986 New beginnings. It's like the whale all over again. 110 00:10:48,986 --> 00:10:52,777 You're not too young to remember the whale, Laird? 111 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:55,236 -No, I remember. -There'll be money in this lot too. 112 00:10:55,236 --> 00:10:58,361 No throwing yourself at the men visitors, Katie. 113 00:10:58,361 --> 00:11:02,851 We don't want them thinking this is the Orkneys where anything goes. 114 00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:04,861 Now, Katie, chop chop. Chapter One, 115 00:11:04,861 --> 00:11:07,694 in which a young woman and her laird 116 00:11:07,694 --> 00:11:10,653 rescue their island from certain doom by writing 117 00:11:10,653 --> 00:11:12,559 a brilliant guidebook. 118 00:11:22,029 --> 00:11:25,446 The island of Hegg lies half-drowned and wind-battered, 119 00:11:25,446 --> 00:11:28,279 the furthermost drop of the outermost spray 120 00:11:28,279 --> 00:11:30,779 of the curling wave of the Outer Hebrides. 121 00:11:30,779 --> 00:11:33,321 It has a population of 75, 122 00:11:33,321 --> 00:11:35,685 a majority of whom are probably about... 123 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:40,019 75. Or even older. 124 00:11:42,488 --> 00:11:44,946 Though Hegg no doubt has a certain charm, 125 00:11:44,946 --> 00:11:47,905 it has never been a popular stop on the tourist trail. 126 00:11:47,905 --> 00:11:52,072 Even the Vikings never showed the slightest interest in us. 127 00:11:52,072 --> 00:11:56,561 But the islanders remain a hardy and resourceful people. 128 00:11:56,780 --> 00:12:01,103 All those under 50 are now married, except one. 129 00:12:02,281 --> 00:12:04,239 The island has one B&B 130 00:12:04,239 --> 00:12:08,197 which offers the traditional Scottish breakfast of haggis, 131 00:12:08,197 --> 00:12:11,655 sausage, chips and beans, or if you're feeling more metropolitan, 132 00:12:11,655 --> 00:12:13,989 you can have the continental breakfast, 133 00:12:13,989 --> 00:12:17,313 a bread roll, two Weetabix and a Snickers bar. 134 00:12:17,948 --> 00:12:20,948 Have we g***t any Michelin stars I can put up? 135 00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:23,948 -Are you not cold? Can I get you a coat? -I'll be fine. 136 00:12:23,948 --> 00:12:28,282 -As always. -You think? -I'll be dying either...