Resident.Alien.S04E08.1080p.x265.ELliTE Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:15,580 - Previously on "Resident Alien"... 2 00:00:17,952 --> 00:00:19,718 - Welcome, again, to my podcast, 3 00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:23,288 where I will discuss the search for Peter bach's son, Robert. 4 00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,523 - Good work, deputy. 5 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,225 This alien stuff, it's all connected. 6 00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:28,994 - The mantid might still be alive. 7 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,196 - You can't kill me, but I can kill you. 8 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,131 - And how's little Leroy? 9 00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,367 - Starting to kick like a little fancy dancer. 10 00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:38,203 - I decided to stop drinking, and I found an aa meeting. 11 00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:41,039 So now that the baby is safe, I want to tell 12 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,374 Ben and Kate the truth. 13 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,109 - You killed your own dad to save me. 14 00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:45,944 - Don't make it weird. 15 00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,649 - What the... 16 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:04,329 - Hey. 17 00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,631 Looks like I g***t to pack up. 18 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,703 You comfortable in there? 19 00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:50,909 Sorry, Jules, you can't come with me. 20 00:01:51,045 --> 00:01:54,245 But you've been such a good host. 21 00:02:19,105 --> 00:02:20,739 - Humans do not like change. 22 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:23,475 They find comfort in their lives staying the same. 23 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:26,678 I think for humans, seeing your son hugging an alien 24 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,046 does not count as comfort. 25 00:02:30,917 --> 00:02:34,819 Could you please cover up the dead alien statue father thing? 26 00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,055 It's making me want to barf. 27 00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:42,060 - Do not disrespect my dead father, who I just murdered. 28 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:51,603 Thank you for turning back into a human. 29 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:54,172 That was a lot. 30 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,307 - It was easy. 31 00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:57,041 It was like putting on a coat, 32 00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:59,978 one with broad shoulders, great hair, 33 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:02,581 and n***s like Spanish doubloons. 34 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:06,384 - Well, thanks for ruining history and n***s for us. 35 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,354 - So now, you know I ** an alien. 36 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,890 And we are not too different. 37 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,225 Now get out. 38 00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:15,460 I need to break up my father into pieces, 39 00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:17,829 turn him into a rock garden by the lake. 40 00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:18,830 - Not so fast. 41 00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:21,133 We still have a few questions. 42 00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:23,268 So you really went to space? Was it neat? 43 00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,937 Did you... did you learn anything, or... 44 00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:27,005 - It seems like a question you could ask on the way home. 45 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,473 - And why are you asking him like he 46 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,075 just went on some school trip? 47 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,343 He left the planet. 48 00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,845 - I was only up there for, like, 10 minutes. 49 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,847 And then when I g***t back, I grew a beard because I 50 00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:37,582 touched one of Harry's balls. - I knew it. 51 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,717 - What? 52 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:42,253 - Metal spheres. 53 00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:44,055 It's alien technology from my planet 54 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,224 to assist me if I g***t lost. 55 00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:47,592 And did you say, I knew it? 56 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,095 Do you think i'm scrotum-ing your son? 57 00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,563 I'm no freak. 58 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:52,530 I like birds. 59 00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:58,503 - What the hell is that thing? 60 00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:00,138 - This is my son! 61 00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:02,206 I don't call your son a thing. 62 00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:03,641 - He calls me a shaved squirrel, 63 00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:06,444 pinky, mouse baby, maxi pad. 64 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:13,752 No more screen time! 65 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:14,953 - What the hell is happening? 66 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,387 There's... there's little aliens? 67 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,656 - Mm-hmm. 68 00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,090 - There's praying mantis aliens... 69 00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:20,692 - Why not? - On earth? 70 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,527 - How could you keep this all a secret? 71 00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:23,828 - Yeah. 72 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:24,896 Buddy, you didn't think to tell us that the town 73 00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,331 doctor is an alien? 74 00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,132 You know, he prescribes Adderall, 75 00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:30,235 but sometimes won't. 76 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,736 - I did tell you. 77 00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,206 You told me I was broken and wanted to send me to a school 78 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,108 in Georgia for special kids. 79 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,014 - I mean, it was a nice school. 80 00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:43,081 - Mm-hmm. 81 00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:46,484 - They... they had horses. 82 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,952 - They did. 83 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,455 - Does anybody want coffee? 84 00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,256 Dinglebutt? 85 00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:54,392 Oh, I call him that, too. 86 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:57,528 - Lena, it's me. 87 00:04:57,664 --> 00:04:59,464 I was right about Jules being an alien, ok? 88 00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:01,499 So could you just give me a call when you get this message? 89 00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:03,068 And just know I'm pretty sure cletus is farting 90 00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:04,869 because he misses you, ok? 91 00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:08,740 - Did you get a hold of her? 92 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,174 - Well, she thinks I'm crazy. 93 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,376 I mean, I sit in a car for hours, stalking a woman. 94 00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:14,813 She goes out for a cigarette, I put a bullet through her, 95 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,114 and I'm the crazy one? 96 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:18,883 - I'm still trying to process that I had drinks 97 00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:20,785 with a mantid, and she stuck me with the bill. 98 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,521 What a b-i-t-c-h. You know what? 99 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:24,589 She's a murderer. 100 00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:25,924 I'll just say bitch. 101 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,327 Oh. 102 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,762 - Did you... you send a car over to Lena's? 103 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,330 - Yeah, they're keeping an eye on her. 104 00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:35,767 They also searched Jules' house, found nothing. 105 00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,169 She's gone. 106 00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:38,937 - We g***t to put a stop to this thing. 107 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,072 Old mining days starts the day after tomorrow. 108 00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:41,473 It sounds like this mantid's planning 109 00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,508 on turning it into an all-you-can-eat buffet, 110 00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:44,943 with me as a side dish. 111 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,845 I'm no d***n floppy broccolini. 112 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:50,148 Hell, I'm a fully loaded baked potato, with extra bacon. 113 00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:51,616 D***n. 114 00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:54,719 Now I'm hungry for something as delicious as myself. 115 00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:57,155 - So you lied when you said that Harry wasn't an alien. 116 00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,823 - He wasn't an alien then. 117 00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,825 - My life has been a roller coaster. 118 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,461 - Hi. 119 00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:03,762 We need to talk. 120 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,630 - Why do humans have so many knock-knock jokes 121 00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,265 if they never knock, knock? 122 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:08,600 - We saw your car outside. 123 00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:10,134 You guys just hanging out? 124 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,569 - That's us. 125 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,037 We're the family who hangs out with the town doctor, 126 00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,273 who happens to be an alien. 127 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:16,775 - Remember your therapy. 128 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,042 Go to your happy place. 129 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:21,946 They saw Max hugging me in my alien form 130 00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,348 after I killed my father. 131 00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:26,418 His corpse is under that blanket. 132 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:29,053 I g***t my alien energy back after the tube fell out 133 00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:31,022 of his crotch and it broke. 134 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,525 Big day. 135 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:35,660 - Normally, that would be a lot to take in, 136 00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:38,462 but it's disturbing how not disturbing all that sounds. 137 00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:39,864 - Hmm. 138 00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,465 Well, you know what's really disturbing, is the fact 139 00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:42,934 that this whole time, the two of you 140 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,736 have known about...