The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E02.Wrestling.with.a.Sticky.Situation.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:03,579 --> 00:00:05,671 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:17,968 --> 00:00:19,727 (school bell rings) 3 00:00:22,297 --> 00:00:24,222 Hey, Tracy. Pick a card. 4 00:00:24,299 --> 00:00:28,652 Uh, well, I'm, uh... I'm late for class. 5 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:30,437 But it's recess. 6 00:00:30,448 --> 00:00:32,689 What's up, Jordan? 7 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,858 JORDAN: Help... Very few teams have someone 8 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,777 in the 105-pound weight class. 9 00:00:36,853 --> 00:00:39,571 MAN: If we could field someone, that's an easy point to pick up. 10 00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:42,240 Dang, I miss junior high. 11 00:00:42,317 --> 00:00:43,784 (grunts) 12 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:47,963 Calm down, son. What's your name? 13 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,414 Jordan Tompkins. 14 00:00:49,491 --> 00:00:50,957 What do you go, about 102? 15 00:00:51,034 --> 00:00:52,634 I'm 103. 16 00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,472 (whimpers) 17 00:00:56,548 --> 00:00:58,298 Good reflexes. 18 00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:00,467 JORDAN: Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it 19 00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:02,219 for wrestling's new dark lord, 20 00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:03,887 the master of the macabre, 21 00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:07,557 Jordan "The Psycho" Tompkins. 22 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:10,852 Hey, Jordan, I mean, uh... what's that getup? 23 00:01:10,929 --> 00:01:13,939 I made the wrestling team, and Coach says I g***t what it takes. 24 00:01:14,015 --> 00:01:17,234 Oh, that's so cute. Let me get my camera. Hold on, baby. 25 00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,152 BERNIE: Ain't nothing cute about wrestling. 26 00:01:19,229 --> 00:01:21,530 It's about dominating and humiliating your opponent. 27 00:01:21,606 --> 00:01:23,990 Hmm... All right, now, Jordan. 28 00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:26,034 Let me see your game face. 29 00:01:26,111 --> 00:01:28,537 (growling) Now that's adorable. 30 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:32,624 I'm going to get my camera. You're so cute. 31 00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:34,084 (soft growl) 32 00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:36,920 Hold on. I mean, Jordan a wrestler? 33 00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:38,222 I mean, I could see him wrestling 34 00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:39,873 with the lid of a mayonnaise jar 35 00:01:39,949 --> 00:01:42,092 and ending up with a dry, dry sandwich, you know? 36 00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:43,844 (chuckles) 37 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,303 But what'd you think, Steve? 38 00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:47,147 Well, I don't know. I mean... 39 00:01:47,224 --> 00:01:49,724 It don't look like the kid could beat up a rag doll. 40 00:01:49,801 --> 00:01:51,360 He's skinny as a rail, 41 00:01:51,436 --> 00:01:53,103 but you know, when it comes down to it, 42 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,105 it's not about how big the man is. Right. 43 00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:56,648 It's how big this is. 44 00:01:56,725 --> 00:01:59,067 Okay. Yeah, sure, sure. 45 00:01:59,144 --> 00:02:00,652 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 46 00:02:00,729 --> 00:02:03,029 But did you see me teach him the game face? 47 00:02:03,106 --> 00:02:04,656 (growling) 48 00:02:04,733 --> 00:02:07,576 Man, don't give people a reason to hate him. Yeah... 49 00:02:07,652 --> 00:02:09,378 Yeah, you're right. 50 00:02:10,405 --> 00:02:12,798 (indistinct shouting) 51 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,595 MAN: I need a wrestler, Coach. 52 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,014 What's the matter, Bill? Don't have anyone? 53 00:02:21,091 --> 00:02:22,516 (sighs) 54 00:02:29,174 --> 00:02:30,807 Winner, by default. 55 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,518 Match point, Damien. 56 00:02:33,595 --> 00:02:35,645 But I didn't do anything. Sure you did. 57 00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,480 In fact, you're our secret weapon. 58 00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:40,025 -Wow, secret weapon? -Shh-shh-shh-shh. 59 00:02:40,101 --> 00:02:41,860 Let's keep it a secret, shall we? 60 00:02:41,937 --> 00:02:43,328 Oh... 61 00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,209 Sorry. Sorry. 62 00:02:50,887 --> 00:02:53,330 Yup, the coach gives you a pin every time you win a match. 63 00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:55,582 Yeah, that's nice. 64 00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:57,792 So tell me, Jordan, how'd you really do it, man? 65 00:02:57,869 --> 00:03:00,170 I mean, how you sweep his legs from under him, man, 66 00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:02,756 how you ground his face into the mat. Come on, show me, man. 67 00:03:02,832 --> 00:03:04,507 I mean, tell me, tell me how you did it. 68 00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:07,510 Well, honestly, it happened so fast, 69 00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:09,221 I don't even know what happened. 70 00:03:09,297 --> 00:03:11,130 Well, that's okay, 71 00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:14,184 but the important thing is, you handled your business. 72 00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:16,186 Uh, yeah. I'm going to go get something to eat. 73 00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:18,772 Modesty is good for you, son. 74 00:03:18,848 --> 00:03:20,532 It's the mark of a champion. 75 00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,820 Winner by default. Match point, Damien. 76 00:03:25,897 --> 00:03:29,208 Winner, by default. Match point, Damien. 77 00:03:32,287 --> 00:03:36,215 Winner by default. Match point, Damien. 78 00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:42,387 (wrestlers muttering) 79 00:04:04,894 --> 00:04:06,987 WANDA: Can I help you? 80 00:04:07,063 --> 00:04:08,530 Uh... 81 00:04:08,606 --> 00:04:09,957 I, um... 82 00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:13,243 The, the plastic bag, uh... 83 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,746 See, I was doing, um, a science project on... 84 00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:17,956 Save it. Out. 85 00:04:18,033 --> 00:04:20,000 Oh, wow, look it here, 86 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,960 Mr. 5 and 0. 87 00:04:22,037 --> 00:04:24,129 So tell me, son. When ** I going to get a chance 88 00:04:24,205 --> 00:04:26,256 to see you destroy your next opponent, huh? 89 00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:30,802 Uh, I-I don't know. I mean, all the wrestling matches are... away. 90 00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:32,562 Yeah. It's a weird schedule... VANESSA: I don't know what 91 00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,472 the big deal is, you haven't worn that in months. 92 00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:36,099 WANDA: That is not the point. 93 00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:37,567 Bernie, could you please explain to her 94 00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:39,602 that my clothes are my clothes, 95 00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:42,605 even though I don't wear them as often as she would like me to? 96 00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:44,232 VANESSA: Maybe if I had my own clothes, 97 00:04:44,309 --> 00:04:45,775 I wouldn't have to borrow yours. 98 00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:46,994 Bernie? 99 00:04:48,438 --> 00:04:49,913 You mean, get in the middle 100 00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,615 of two women wrestling over a blouse? Shoot. 101 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,243 I'd rather climb in the ring with you, Steve. 102 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,870 Really? Yeah. 103 00:04:56,946 --> 00:04:58,755 Well, let's go. 104 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,291 Listen, listen to your Aunt Wanda, okay? 105 00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:02,592 That's all you're gonna say? 106 00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,046 Oh, okay. Here's the deal. 107 00:05:06,122 --> 00:05:08,598 Since you like wearing everyone's clothes so much, 108 00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:11,760 you can wash everyone's clothes for a month. 109 00:05:11,836 --> 00:05:13,928 VANESSA: For a month? WANDA: 30 days. 110 00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,613 But that's not fair. 111 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:19,109 You are so mean now, and this house is like a prison. 112 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,028 Shazam. 113 00:05:26,142 --> 00:05:28,493 Looking good. Next. 114 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:36,117 -113. -What? Let me see that. 115 00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:38,328 You are supposed to be 105! 116 00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,797 What's the big deal? 117 00:05:42,534 --> 00:05:44,709 Hey, I wasn't finished with that. 118 00:05:44,786 --> 00:05:47,379 Look, regionals are this Friday. 119 00:05:47,455 --> 00:05:50,098 You are no good to me at 113. 120 00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:51,633 So you will either make weight, 121 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,468 or you might actually have to wrestle somebody 122 00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:56,146 and get that pretty little singlet of yours all dirty. 123 00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,023 (whimpering) 124 00:05:59,551 --> 00:06:02,727 I bet he just dirtied it now. Shut it! 125 00:06:02,804 --> 00:06:03,987 Next! 126 00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:12,195 Thanks for the pancakes, Uncle Bernie. 127 00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,655 You're welcome, sweetheart. 128 00:06:13,731 --> 00:06:15,523 Come on. Well? 129 00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:19,127 (sighs) Does anybody have any clothes that they want me to wash? 130 00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,216 Here. You can take this. 131 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,377 Now, off to your brother's room. 132 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:30,713 (scoffs) I'm not going in there, and you can't make me. 133 00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:34,759 I said march. (footsteps receding) 134 00:06:34,836 --> 00:06:36,886 SINGER: ♪ Now that I have the chance ♪ (knock at door) 135 00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:38,596 ♪ Always be a fool if I didn't take it ♪ 136 00:06:38,673 --> 00:06:39,773 ♪ I know you love me... ♪ 137 00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:41,541 You may enter. 138 00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:44,528 ♪ Wouldn't take your heart if I knew I had to break it... ♪ 139 00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:48,857 Ugh! Do...