The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E05.Car.Wars.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:04,586 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,219 Oh. Oh, hey, America. 3 00:00:21,296 --> 00:00:22,888 I ain't g***t nothin' to talk about. 4 00:00:22,964 --> 00:00:24,064 Nothing but waiting on Vanessa 5 00:00:24,141 --> 00:00:26,358 to come back with my d***n truck! 6 00:00:35,268 --> 00:00:37,527 Girl know I was supposed to get my manicure! 7 00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,154 My nails g***t longer just in the time 8 00:00:39,231 --> 00:00:40,855 I've been waiting for her! 9 00:00:44,453 --> 00:00:45,869 (dialing) 10 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:46,837 VANESSA (on phone): Hello. 11 00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,371 Nessa, you know you better-- 12 00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:51,958 G***t ya. At the beep, leave a message. 13 00:00:52,035 --> 00:00:53,302 (beep) 14 00:00:54,663 --> 00:00:56,088 Do I, do I need this? 15 00:00:56,164 --> 00:00:59,883 (vehicle approaching) 16 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,761 Oh, yeah. (chuckles) (tires screech) 17 00:01:02,838 --> 00:01:05,564 America, it's on. 18 00:01:11,179 --> 00:01:12,829 Oh... uh... 19 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,482 Well, I know I'm late, but the traffic was... You see these? 20 00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,359 My cuticles will be getting pushed back 21 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,860 right now at Mama Kim's. 22 00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:20,195 You know, I'm tired of this, Nessa. 23 00:01:20,272 --> 00:01:21,655 You do this every doggone time! 24 00:01:21,731 --> 00:01:23,365 Well, it wouldn't happen if you'd just go on 25 00:01:23,441 --> 00:01:25,575 and get me my own car. A car for what? 26 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,244 What you need a car-- Where do you think you gonna be going 27 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,503 that you need a car? 28 00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:30,214 I don't know. Study groups. 29 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:32,582 Study groups? If you can't study here, Nessa, 30 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:34,117 I guess you're just going to have to flunk, 31 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,962 'cause there ain't no way I'm buying you no doggone car! 32 00:01:37,038 --> 00:01:39,256 Ain't no way in hell I'm buying... 33 00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:41,633 You know, every time I g***t somewhere to go, Nessa... 34 00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:42,893 I'm tired of this, man! 35 00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,094 (door shuts) 36 00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,929 America, I hope y'all know 37 00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,472 this isn't about a car. 38 00:01:47,549 --> 00:01:48,907 No, suh. 39 00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:51,393 It's about where a car would take her. 40 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:53,061 To boys! 41 00:01:53,138 --> 00:01:55,105 She's hollerin' about, "You don't trust me. 42 00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:58,275 You don't trust me." Oh, I trust her. 43 00:01:58,351 --> 00:02:01,787 I don't trust them. America. 44 00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:05,749 JORDAN: Comic-Con's coming? 45 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:06,992 I hear it rocks. 46 00:02:07,068 --> 00:02:08,326 We totally have to go to this. 47 00:02:08,403 --> 00:02:10,328 (scoffs) Who's going to take us? 48 00:02:10,405 --> 00:02:12,372 Maybe we can ride our bikes there. 49 00:02:12,449 --> 00:02:15,292 You doofus, there's no sidewalk to San Diego. 50 00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:17,386 If only we had parents cool enough to take us. 51 00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:19,813 I'm cool. What's the problem, fellas? 52 00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:22,465 We're trying to figure out a way to get to Comic-Con. 53 00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:25,435 (low voice) "Do or do not. There is no 'try'." 54 00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,563 Yoda, Star Wars: Episode V. 55 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:28,730 And so apropos. 56 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:34,936 You guys want to ask me something? 57 00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:37,022 Will you take us to Comic-Con? 58 00:02:37,098 --> 00:02:38,440 -Sure. -JORDAN: Wow! 59 00:02:38,516 --> 00:02:40,025 Thanks, Aunt Wanda! Oh, wait. 60 00:02:40,101 --> 00:02:41,517 Here comes the disappointment. 61 00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,862 No, it means there's not much time 62 00:02:43,939 --> 00:02:45,330 to get you guys new costumes. 63 00:02:45,407 --> 00:02:47,374 JORDAN: Oh, come on. I g***t the catalog in my room. 64 00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:51,295 I wish your mom was as cool as your aunt. 65 00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:52,963 I hope she takes us in the Beamer. 66 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,506 And drops the top. 67 00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:02,005 Hey, Miss Thang. What you beamin' about? 68 00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,798 Oh, nothing. 69 00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,809 Just that Jordan and his friends think I'm cool. 70 00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:09,387 Oh. So you g***t the nerd seal of approval, huh? 71 00:03:09,464 --> 00:03:11,815 Don't hate, they're kids. 72 00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,433 Now, see, America? 73 00:03:13,510 --> 00:03:15,101 Wanda's a grown woman, 74 00:03:15,178 --> 00:03:16,519 but there's still something in her 75 00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,230 that needs approval from boys. 76 00:03:18,306 --> 00:03:19,856 Only she's grown. 77 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,524 Can't tell her nothing, though. 78 00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:23,327 But Nessa... 79 00:03:24,696 --> 00:03:26,363 d***n. 80 00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:28,665 Can't tell her nothing, neither. 81 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,667 (vehicle approaches) 82 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,377 What the hell? 83 00:03:35,332 --> 00:03:36,915 Come on. Come on, baby. 84 00:03:36,992 --> 00:03:38,884 (engine chugging loudly) 85 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,724 (engine backfires) 86 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,602 Who lent you this bucket? 87 00:03:48,679 --> 00:03:50,720 Oh, I didn't borrow it. I bought it. 88 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:53,265 You bought it? You mean to tell me you bought this 89 00:03:53,341 --> 00:03:56,393 after I stood right here and told you you couldn't have no car? 90 00:03:56,469 --> 00:03:58,654 Actually, you said you weren't going to buy me one. 91 00:03:58,730 --> 00:04:00,438 You never said I couldn't buy my own. 92 00:04:00,515 --> 00:04:02,399 Don't try to twist my words around, Nessa! 93 00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,859 You went behind my back! Baby, she went behind my back. 94 00:04:04,936 --> 00:04:05,911 It's ugly. 95 00:04:07,564 --> 00:04:09,781 Uh, where'd you get the money? I used my savings bond. 96 00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:12,709 Wait a minute. You spent a thousand dollars on this? 97 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:17,622 Well, actually, it was $850 and then that left me $150 to get a new muffler. 98 00:04:17,699 --> 00:04:20,166 It runs a lot quieter now. 99 00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:21,760 So let's turn some corners. 100 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,805 Oopsy. 101 00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:28,842 (engine splutters sickly) 102 00:04:28,918 --> 00:04:30,051 Back up. 103 00:04:30,128 --> 00:04:31,970 You right, Nessa. It's quiet. 104 00:04:32,047 --> 00:04:34,022 I mean, real quiet. 105 00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:35,348 You g***t took. 106 00:04:35,425 --> 00:04:37,017 What ** I going to do? 107 00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:39,394 Well, I tell you the first thing you're going to do. 108 00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:41,604 You're goin' to get this hunk of junk out our driveway. 109 00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:44,274 That's what you're going to do. Come on, baby. 110 00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:45,859 Get out and help your sister push. 111 00:04:45,935 --> 00:04:47,402 Baby Girl, let's go. 112 00:04:47,479 --> 00:04:49,446 Babe, you know I told her she couldn't have no car. 113 00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:50,789 Did you scratch my paint? 114 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:53,834 It's hard to tell. 115 00:05:00,658 --> 00:05:01,717 (sighs) 116 00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,724 (birds tweeting) 117 00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:12,927 Hey! 118 00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,079 Nessa, I thought I told you 119 00:05:14,156 --> 00:05:15,764 to move that car weeks ago. 120 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,307 But I been trying to raise the money. 121 00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:18,808 I baby-sat every night this week. 122 00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,478 You tell your story walkin', and I do mean walkin'. 123 00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:24,272 Because if that car's not gone by Monday morning, 124 00:05:24,349 --> 00:05:26,658 if you don't move it, I will. 125 00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,454 (scoffs) 126 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,364 America, the Mac man 127 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,791 come too doggone far and worked too hard 128 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,127 to have my house looking all ghetto. 129 00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:38,995 It's bad enough I g***t all these kids 130 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,413 running in and out of here, 131 00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:42,415 but this... shoot. 132 00:05:42,492 --> 00:05:44,125 D***n car look homeless. 133 00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:46,002 Oil leaking all over my driveway, 134 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,679 big ol' rust spots. 135 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,256 Nessa. 136 00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:51,383 (sighs) 137 00:05:51,459 --> 00:05:52,500 (engine splutters) 138 00:05:52,578 --> 00:05:53,802 Uh-uh! You're too late. 139 00:05:53,878 --> 00:05:55,220 I g***t a tow truck here right now. 140 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,221 This way, my man. 141 00:05:56,297 --> 00:05:57,230 Hurry up. 142 00:05:57,307 --> 00:05:58,431 Just back it on up here. 143 00:05:58,508 --> 00:05:59,340 There we go. 144...