The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E06.Night.of.Terror.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:05,671 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:20,337 --> 00:00:22,146 Uh, sweetie, don't throw the card over there. 3 00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:23,972 How ** I supposed to know who it's from? 4 00:00:24,049 --> 00:00:25,566 (scoffs) Who cares? 5 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:29,561 Oh, Night of Terror, yes! 6 00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:32,239 Oh, happy birthday to me. 7 00:00:33,725 --> 00:00:35,159 Dang, Jordan, 8 00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:36,827 you made out like a bandit. 9 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,278 You g***t more gifts than we did 10 00:00:38,355 --> 00:00:39,988 for our wedding, huh, baby? 11 00:00:40,065 --> 00:00:42,074 A rocket ship and a paratrooper. 12 00:00:42,150 --> 00:00:43,742 I'm going to go launch it. 13 00:00:43,819 --> 00:00:45,494 Son, it's too doggone dark, I think. 14 00:00:45,570 --> 00:00:46,912 You're going to mess around and you going to lose it. 15 00:00:46,988 --> 00:00:48,121 I'm not going to lose it. 16 00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:49,498 He has his own parachute. 17 00:00:49,574 --> 00:00:50,841 It's your toy, man. 18 00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:52,084 Go on and do what you g***t to do. 19 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:56,263 (funky music playing) 20 00:01:06,216 --> 00:01:07,891 Honey, want some punch? 21 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,684 Yeah, I'll take a little bit. 22 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,645 Three, two one. 23 00:01:11,721 --> 00:01:13,781 Houston, we have liftoff. 24 00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,201 Ooh. 25 00:01:22,941 --> 00:01:26,126 America, I thought they were supposed to get smarter 26 00:01:26,203 --> 00:01:27,911 as they g***t older. 27 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,621 JORDAN: It still hasn't come down. 28 00:01:29,698 --> 00:01:31,748 Shoot, that boy's daddy going to come back 29 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,416 before that rocket does. 30 00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:36,044 Huh, stupid. 31 00:01:36,121 --> 00:01:37,796 WOMAN (on TV): In the prairie and Midwest, 32 00:01:37,873 --> 00:01:40,340 predators like black bears, wolves, and bobcats 33 00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:42,092 are beginning to return to spots 34 00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:43,635 they haven't been seen in years... 35 00:01:43,712 --> 00:01:45,428 You g***t to be kidding. 36 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:46,563 It's 9:00. 37 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:47,973 What you kids think you're doing? 38 00:01:48,049 --> 00:01:49,441 Time for bed. Let's go. 39 00:01:51,636 --> 00:01:52,903 You hear me, son? 40 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,479 Yes, but I turned 13. 41 00:01:54,556 --> 00:01:57,190 Well, happy birthday. Good night. 42 00:01:57,267 --> 00:01:59,025 No, but you said that when I turned 13, 43 00:01:59,102 --> 00:02:00,569 I could stay up till 10:00. 44 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:01,686 You promised. 45 00:02:02,939 --> 00:02:04,581 I did promise him, but America, 46 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,908 I never thought the boy'd live this long. 47 00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:08,418 With his asthma? Shoot. 48 00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:10,829 Those 13 candles nearly killed him tonight. 49 00:02:10,906 --> 00:02:13,498 Shoot. 50 00:02:13,575 --> 00:02:19,671 (wheezing) 51 00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:22,808 (coughing) 52 00:02:22,885 --> 00:02:24,092 "I did it." 53 00:02:24,169 --> 00:02:26,469 Hey, how come he gets to stay up? 54 00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:29,514 Because Jordan is becoming a young man. 55 00:02:29,591 --> 00:02:30,540 That's not fair. 56 00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,184 Baby's g***t to go to bed now. 57 00:02:32,260 --> 00:02:34,477 (laughs meanly) Look here, son, 58 00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:36,146 let me tell you something right now. 59 00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:37,990 You do everything you have to do 60 00:02:38,066 --> 00:02:40,317 to be ready for bed within an hour, you understand me? 61 00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:42,652 That means brush your teeth, wash your face, 62 00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:43,737 and have your PJs on, 63 00:02:43,813 --> 00:02:44,746 you g***t me? 64 00:02:47,242 --> 00:02:50,076 Say, honey, leave Saturday open 65 00:02:50,153 --> 00:02:51,703 for the auction at the kids' school. 66 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,622 You g***t to be kidding. 67 00:02:53,698 --> 00:02:55,165 You thinking about showing your face 68 00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,741 after what happened last year? 69 00:02:56,818 --> 00:03:00,670 What? Oh, please. Nobody remembers that. 70 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:01,922 Okay. 71 00:03:01,998 --> 00:03:03,632 You know what? Say what you want, 72 00:03:03,708 --> 00:03:06,843 but they asked me to be the host this year. 73 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:11,264 Why? Because I have sales savvy and personality. 74 00:03:11,341 --> 00:03:15,101 Okay, Personality, I'm just trying to keep you from 75 00:03:15,178 --> 00:03:18,605 getting your name written up on the church bulletin board again. 76 00:03:18,682 --> 00:03:21,191 What? JORDAN: Hey, let it go! I was in here first! 77 00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:22,867 BRYANA: Get out! I was in here first! 78 00:03:22,945 --> 00:03:23,944 JORDAN: Stop it! Give it... No, you get out... 79 00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:25,487 Come on, baby. BRYANA: Stop! 80 00:03:25,563 --> 00:03:26,905 JORDAN: Don't squeeze toothpaste on me! Ooh! 81 00:03:26,982 --> 00:03:28,740 (both grunting) 82 00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:31,284 What the hell's going on in here? She started it. 83 00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:33,411 She squirted toothpaste all over me. 84 00:03:33,488 --> 00:03:35,372 I don't care who started it! Baby Girl, get to bed! 85 00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,123 I'll take care of Jordan. 86 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,291 (grunts) 87 00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:40,502 What is wrong with you, boy? 88 00:03:40,578 --> 00:03:42,170 You're her big brother. 89 00:03:42,247 --> 00:03:44,172 Yeah, but she makes me crazy. 90 00:03:44,249 --> 00:03:45,257 I don't care, Jordan! 91 00:03:45,333 --> 00:03:46,883 She's a kid! 92 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,353 You're 13 years old now, son! 93 00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,471 You g***t to start acting like a man! 94 00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:54,266 Shoot, when I was 13, I was 20! 95 00:03:54,342 --> 00:03:56,351 Now clean this mess up in here and get to bed! 96 00:03:56,428 --> 00:03:57,978 But I get to stay up an extra hour. 97 00:03:58,054 --> 00:04:00,146 Not anymore. You messed that up 98 00:04:00,223 --> 00:04:02,440 when you messed with your baby sister. 99 00:04:02,517 --> 00:04:04,034 I'll kill her. What? 100 00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,069 You're not going to do nothing. 101 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,570 You better not touch her. 102 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,039 Repeat after me: "I'm not going to touch her." 103 00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:11,032 I won't touch her. 104 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,534 No. "I'm not going to touch her." 105 00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:14,419 I'm not going to touch her. 106 00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:19,675 (beeping) 107 00:04:31,546 --> 00:04:36,433 (long, drawn out note) 108 00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:41,771 SINGER: ♪ You're on fire, what's up, man? ♪ 109 00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,606 ♪ Now what you doin', what's up with that? ♪ 110 00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:45,442 ♪ Man, I won't know where to go ♪ 111 00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:47,068 ♪ Ain't your man ♪ 112 00:04:47,145 --> 00:04:51,948 Oh, Lord... that boy is nasty. 113 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:55,335 Ugh! And this one here... 114 00:04:55,412 --> 00:04:58,580 this one like a crime scene photograph. 115 00:04:58,656 --> 00:05:01,624 That's a dead boy walking right there. 116 00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:04,753 (Bryana coughs and vomits) 117 00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:07,922 Keep rinsing, Baby Girl! Keep rinsing. 118 00:05:07,999 --> 00:05:09,799 Look at this. 119 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,468 Ugh! 120 00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:14,554 But you told me not to touch her. 121 00:05:14,631 --> 00:05:17,140 You just don't learn, do you, Jordan? 122 00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:18,683 You're taking all my gifts? 123 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:20,852 I'm going to take everything, and when I get done, 124 00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:23,146 there won't be nothing else to take, 125 00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:24,481 except your bone marrow. 126 00:05:24,557 --> 00:05:27,525 But I didn't touch her! 127 00:05:27,602 --> 00:05:28,827 (Jordan groans) Oh! 128 00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,203 Here's your dinner. 129 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:40,789 Sorry, Bryana ate all the sweet potatoes. 130 00:05:40,865 --> 00:05:42,540 I'll kill her. 131 00:05:42,617 --> 00:05:44,876 And then you'll be grounded for another night. 132 00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:46,211 Uncle Bernie's already threatening 133 00:05:46,287 --> 00:05:47,846 to take away your Halloween. 134 00:05:47,923 --> 00:05:49,255 Why do you keep doing this to yourself? 135 00:05:49,332 --> 00:05:51,549 I don't know. I can't help it. 136 00:05:51,626 --> 00:05:53,051 It's like a movie. 137 00:05:53,128 --> 00:05:56,012 I see myself going after her and I can't stop. 138 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:59,307 And then the screaming and hitting... darkness. 139 00:05:59,384 --> 00:06:01,601 (scoffs) Yeah, and then Uncle Bernie comes. 140 00:06:01,678 --> 00:06:04,813 No, he is the screaming and hitting and darkness. 141 00:06:04,889 --> 00:06:06,523 How do you put up with it? 142 00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:08,233 Same way I put up with you. 143...