The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E11.Sorely.Missed.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:05,629 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:24,056 Baby, you look good today. 3 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,149 Drop a little bit for me. 4 00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,975 Sorry, honey, I can't g***t to go. 5 00:00:27,052 --> 00:00:29,403 Not even a little one? No, honey, I can't. 6 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:30,370 And you know what? 7 00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:31,563 Bryana doesn't like peaches. 8 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,115 Bye. 9 00:00:34,109 --> 00:00:36,109 Baby Girl doesn't like peaches. 10 00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:38,653 She knows everything about Baby Girl. 11 00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:40,030 What about me? 12 00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:41,073 Bernie Mac would like a little 13 00:00:41,149 --> 00:00:43,200 hot drop in the morning. 14 00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:46,161 But see, this is what happens when you g***t kids. 15 00:00:46,238 --> 00:00:48,914 Grown folks can't play like they used to. 16 00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:51,291 Shoot, I should have seen it coming. 17 00:00:51,368 --> 00:00:52,834 Let me show y'all something. 18 00:00:52,911 --> 00:00:54,136 Dig this. 19 00:01:01,419 --> 00:01:02,385 Mmm. 20 00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:03,687 Mmm. 21 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:04,638 Mmm. 22 00:01:04,714 --> 00:01:06,857 Mmm. 23 00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,276 Mmm. Mmm, yeah. 24 00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,062 Mm. 25 00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:14,147 (snores) 26 00:01:14,224 --> 00:01:16,075 (smacks teeth) 27 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:20,362 (sighs) 28 00:01:20,438 --> 00:01:21,571 (kisses) 29 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,532 See what I mean? 30 00:01:23,608 --> 00:01:26,910 We're tired all the time, America. 31 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,578 That ain't us. 32 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,247 Never has been. 33 00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:33,083 We need to mix it up a little bit. 34 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,719 I mean, get us some excitement. 35 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:36,628 You know? 36 00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:40,257 Baby, I g***t reservations 37 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,591 for the Hot Springs. 38 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:42,425 Just me and you. 39 00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:43,894 Nessa gonna watch the kids. 40 00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,804 Me and you, baby. Ooh, fun. 41 00:01:45,881 --> 00:01:47,764 When is it? Saturday. 42 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,599 Oh, honey, we can't. 43 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:50,984 Well, why? 44 00:01:51,061 --> 00:01:52,769 'Cause, honey, we have plans Saturday night, 45 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:53,737 remember? 46 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,489 You promised. 47 00:02:09,154 --> 00:02:11,037 This ain't healthy, America! 48 00:02:11,114 --> 00:02:12,455 For either of us! 49 00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:14,708 A man needs some alone time 50 00:02:14,784 --> 00:02:15,917 with his wife. 51 00:02:15,994 --> 00:02:17,586 I'm being deprived. 52 00:02:17,662 --> 00:02:19,880 I want a hot drop. 53 00:02:19,956 --> 00:02:21,423 What? 54 00:02:21,499 --> 00:02:23,267 I don't care, it's natural. 55 00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,343 How you think you g***t here? 56 00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:26,845 (upbeat music playing) 57 00:02:26,922 --> 00:02:29,148 ♪ I want candy ♪ 58 00:02:31,176 --> 00:02:33,569 ♪ I want candy ♪ 59 00:02:35,513 --> 00:02:37,823 ♪ I want candy ♪ 60 00:02:40,018 --> 00:02:42,202 ♪ I want candy ♪ 61 00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:44,321 Look what I have. 62 00:02:44,397 --> 00:02:47,157 Hot chocolate chip cookies. 63 00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,658 I'm allergic to chocolate 64 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:49,567 and most sweet things. 65 00:02:49,645 --> 00:02:51,745 Well, now, that's why I g***t you 66 00:02:51,821 --> 00:02:54,164 an organic oatmeal bar. 67 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,540 Thanks, Mrs. Mac. 68 00:02:55,617 --> 00:02:57,042 You're welcome. 69 00:02:57,118 --> 00:02:59,344 ♪ I want candy ♪ 70 00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:01,671 Your mom is pretty. 71 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,298 She's not my mom, she's my aunt. 72 00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:04,507 Where's your mom? 73 00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,259 She's sick. GIRL: What's she g***t? 74 00:03:06,336 --> 00:03:08,353 I bet I've had it before. 75 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,760 You seem tired. 76 00:03:15,838 --> 00:03:18,438 Ooh, God, that was three hours ago. 77 00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:20,649 BRYANA: Aunt Wanda! 78 00:03:20,725 --> 00:03:22,359 (whimpers) 79 00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:24,870 D***n, I thought I covered everything. 80 00:03:26,147 --> 00:03:28,540 Oh, move, move, Bernie, move. 81 00:03:29,693 --> 00:03:30,784 See? 82 00:03:30,860 --> 00:03:32,961 It's affecting Wanda, too. 83 00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:35,288 She never snaps at me! 84 00:03:35,365 --> 00:03:38,291 But, it don't phase me. 85 00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:40,135 Because I know what's up. 86 00:03:40,212 --> 00:03:42,379 If you don't spend regular time together, 87 00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:44,965 your rhythm gets off-- that's all. 88 00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:47,259 Wanda needs a little rhythm. 89 00:03:47,335 --> 00:03:49,010 You know what I mean? 90 00:03:49,087 --> 00:03:50,387 A little caressing, 91 00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:52,055 a little... on her little neck 92 00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,556 around here, around here, 93 00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:54,975 You know, that kind of thing. 94 00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,101 I can't show you all my moves. 95 00:03:56,177 --> 00:03:57,402 Oh, boy. 96 00:03:59,365 --> 00:04:01,481 Mmm. Ooh, honey, please. 97 00:04:01,558 --> 00:04:03,066 (spits) 98 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:05,110 Come on, baby. 99 00:04:05,186 --> 00:04:06,236 Honey... 100 00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,570 there's kids in the house. 101 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:11,041 There's always kids in the house. 102 00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,159 Well, I'm exhausted. 103 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,379 I'm gonna take a shower, 104 00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:16,922 and I'm going to bed. 105 00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:25,788 (upbeat music playing) 106 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:29,726 SINGER: ♪ I been really tryin', baby ♪ 107 00:04:31,463 --> 00:04:34,139 ♪ Tryin' to hold back this feelin' ♪ 108 00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:37,267 ♪ For so long ♪ 109 00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,894 ♪ And if you feel ♪ 110 00:04:39,971 --> 00:04:42,355 ♪ Like I do, baby ♪ 111 00:04:42,432 --> 00:04:44,024 ♪ Then come on... ♪ 112 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,817 BERNIE: Good morning, baby. 113 00:04:45,828 --> 00:04:47,110 Good morning. 114 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,320 Can I help you with something? 115 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:49,913 Uh, no, it'd be a good morning 116 00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,531 if you just slept in. 117 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:54,117 But I just made breakfast for five kids. 118 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,244 Yeah, I see. 119 00:04:56,321 --> 00:04:58,547 Hey... 120 00:04:58,623 --> 00:05:01,916 Was a good night last night, wasn't it? 121 00:05:01,993 --> 00:05:04,169 (laughs) 122 00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,128 Uh-uh. 123 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,880 America... 124 00:05:06,956 --> 00:05:08,256 what happened? 125 00:05:08,333 --> 00:05:11,134 I thought I hit the joy button last night, 126 00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:13,178 but she's still stuck on funk. 127 00:05:13,254 --> 00:05:15,472 Giving me a, "Mm-hmm." 128 00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:17,432 I put down last night. 129 00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,976 We shared a religious experience. 130 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,528 I usually get... 131 00:05:23,014 --> 00:05:25,398 (chuckles) (choir singing) 132 00:05:25,475 --> 00:05:27,025 Yeah, anyway. 133 00:05:27,102 --> 00:05:28,818 Well, I'll tell you one thing. 134 00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:30,570 Bernie Mac... 135 00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,822 he will make his woman happy. 136 00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:35,283 America, I will 137 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,869 make my woman happy. 138 00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,666 Ladies of America, 139 00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:46,753 see, Bernie Mac begs your forgiveness. 140 00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:48,213 See, I was acting like a man, 141 00:05:48,289 --> 00:05:50,924 trying to solve a problem with s***x. 142 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,250 What's bothering Wanda 143 00:05:52,327 --> 00:05:54,478 is not an issue of the flesh. 144 00:05:55,463 --> 00:05:57,180 It's the kids. 145 00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:58,723 They're everywhere. 146 00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:02,268 And we added two more last night. 147 00:06:02,345 --> 00:06:03,978 She needs a break. 148 00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:07,699 And Bernie Mac's gonna make sure she gets one. 149 00:06:09,319 --> 00:06:10,235 Hey, hey, hey. 150 00:06:10,311 --> 00:06:12,120 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 151 00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:14,614 Hold on, baby. What, honey? 152 00:06:14,691 --> 00:06:16,366 I want you to listen up. 153 00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,118 I'm taking you to lunch. 154 00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:20,286 To your favorite restaurant. 155 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,622 Just you, me, 156 00:06:22,699 --> 00:06:24,290 and a bottle of Dom. 157 00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:27,127 Well... 158 00:06:27,203 --> 00:06:28,503 Wow. 159 00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:30,012 What's the occasion? 160 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:33,049 Does a man need an occasion to take his wife out? 161 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,175 Huh? 162 00:06:34,252 --> 00:06:35,718 You tell your boss 163...