The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E10.Some.Church.Bull.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:02,837 --> 00:00:06,005 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:18,093 --> 00:00:19,542 BERNIE: Come on, sweetheart, let's go! 3 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,012 I g***t your wrap. We'll be late for the PTA meeting. 4 00:00:22,089 --> 00:00:23,221 Okay, honey. I'm coming. 5 00:00:23,298 --> 00:00:25,015 Look at this. Isn't this great? 6 00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:27,017 Hold this for me. 7 00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:30,353 Poetry Slam. Nessa Tompkins. 8 00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:32,022 First prize. 9 00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:34,232 She has really g***t to be proud. 10 00:00:34,309 --> 00:00:35,859 You know, I wish they would just share 11 00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,694 more things like that with us. 12 00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:40,280 Well, baby, things ain't falling through the cracks. 13 00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:43,083 You're busy, I'm busy, they're busy. Come on. 14 00:00:44,528 --> 00:00:46,495 FATHER: On the sixth, the bloodmobile will be here. 15 00:00:46,571 --> 00:00:49,206 And now, once again, all families are encouraged 16 00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:51,208 to attend the annual parish retreat 17 00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:52,593 at the Wandering Glen Lodge. 18 00:00:52,669 --> 00:00:54,386 WOMAN (murmuring): Wandering Glen Lodge? 19 00:00:57,165 --> 00:00:58,882 "Wandering Glen provides a haven 20 00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:01,510 for families away from the hubbub 21 00:01:01,586 --> 00:01:03,145 of daily life." 22 00:01:04,339 --> 00:01:07,182 And now, on with our raffle, Sister. 23 00:01:07,259 --> 00:01:09,142 WANDA: Hey, Bernie, I think the retreat 24 00:01:09,219 --> 00:01:10,560 would be a perfect place for the whole family 25 00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,270 to get together. What do you think? 26 00:01:12,347 --> 00:01:14,064 I'd rather hook myself up to the bloodmobile 27 00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:15,783 for a whole month. 28 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:18,735 Wanda! 29 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,662 Baby girl! Nessa! Jordan! 30 00:01:20,739 --> 00:01:22,623 Come on! We're going to do the Super Bowl shuffle. 31 00:01:22,699 --> 00:01:26,076 Come on. I g***t three movies. Come on, now. 32 00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:27,244 Honey, Jordan's at a sleepover, 33 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,361 and Vanessa is with her friend, 34 00:01:28,439 --> 00:01:30,914 and so it's just the three of us. 35 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:33,041 What? I thought we were going to have 36 00:01:33,118 --> 00:01:35,085 a special DVD movie night. 37 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:37,805 Well... Can I go back to my room? 38 00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:41,433 You might as well. 39 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:45,521 (upbeat music playing) 40 00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:52,978 See? Now, that's what I'm talking about. 41 00:01:53,054 --> 00:01:54,137 Yeah. I see. 42 00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,523 Everybody's just going their own way. 43 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:57,899 I tried, America. 44 00:01:57,976 --> 00:02:00,402 I mean, look at this place. 45 00:02:00,478 --> 00:02:02,737 It's better than a real movie theater. 46 00:02:02,814 --> 00:02:06,158 We shouldn't have to force everyone together. 47 00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:08,118 Since they're all gone, 48 00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:10,912 we might as well make the best of it. 49 00:02:10,989 --> 00:02:12,172 (stray kernels pops) 50 00:02:16,912 --> 00:02:18,336 Honey? Mm-hmm? 51 00:02:18,413 --> 00:02:21,765 I think we should go on that parish retreat. 52 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,550 What? You know, honey, I think 53 00:02:23,627 --> 00:02:25,719 it would be good for the whole family. 54 00:02:25,795 --> 00:02:28,346 You know? We'd get to enjoy the great outdoors, 55 00:02:28,423 --> 00:02:30,849 get to play games and crafts. 56 00:02:30,926 --> 00:02:33,902 Except for one thing, Wanda. 57 00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:35,654 Bernie Mac don't do retreats. 58 00:02:37,182 --> 00:02:38,556 But he does go to bed. 59 00:02:41,436 --> 00:02:44,279 Look, America, I want to tighten this family up 60 00:02:44,356 --> 00:02:46,156 as much as Wanda does, 61 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,074 but singing "Kumbaya" 62 00:02:48,151 --> 00:02:50,118 and roasting weenies in the woods 63 00:02:50,129 --> 00:02:51,828 never helped nobody. 64 00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:53,580 Just gave them gas. 65 00:02:53,657 --> 00:02:55,632 Yes, gas. 66 00:02:58,495 --> 00:02:59,511 Wow. 67 00:03:00,455 --> 00:03:03,140 That gives me an idea. 68 00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,550 See? This is what I'm talking about. 69 00:03:05,627 --> 00:03:06,885 A beautiful day. 70 00:03:06,962 --> 00:03:08,970 Perfect for a family drive. 71 00:03:09,047 --> 00:03:10,513 You don't need no woods. 72 00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:13,308 All you need is an open doggone road. 73 00:03:13,385 --> 00:03:15,819 That's all we need. 74 00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,270 ** I right, kids? 75 00:03:17,347 --> 00:03:20,407 (whimsical music playing) 76 00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:22,459 (music stops) 77 00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:23,827 Hey, what are you doing? 78 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,529 We have to see if Paulie the Penguin lives or dies. 79 00:03:26,606 --> 00:03:29,449 You know he lives. You know it. 80 00:03:29,526 --> 00:03:32,160 You've seen it 75 hundred thousand times. 81 00:03:32,237 --> 00:03:34,871 No more movies, and no more headphones. 82 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,039 That's it. 83 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:38,291 (overlapping chatter) 84 00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:39,793 BERNIE: Wanda, I swear to God, 85 00:03:39,869 --> 00:03:42,212 I'm going to drive this car off the cliff, 86 00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:45,298 and we're all going to be in hell together! 87 00:03:45,375 --> 00:03:47,351 No, no, no, no, honey. I know what would help. 88 00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:49,052 Keep your eyes on the road. 89 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:51,054 Okay, everybody, I have a song. 90 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,205 Here we go. 91 00:03:52,282 --> 00:03:54,608 ♪ Do your ears hang low ♪ 92 00:03:54,685 --> 00:03:56,017 ♪ Do they wobble to and fro? ♪ 93 00:03:56,094 --> 00:03:57,327 ♪ Can you tie them in a knot ♪ 94 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:58,661 ♪ Can you tie 'em in a bow? ♪ 95 00:03:58,738 --> 00:03:59,654 ♪ Can you throw it over your shoulder ♪ 96 00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:00,647 ♪ Like a Continental soldier? ♪ 97 00:04:00,724 --> 00:04:02,399 ♪ Do your ears hang low? ♪ 98 00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:05,869 (pipe organ playing) America, this is crazy. 99 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:09,114 Even when we're together, we're not together. 100 00:04:09,190 --> 00:04:10,365 This is beyond the power 101 00:04:10,442 --> 00:04:12,534 of Bernie Mac, America. 102 00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:15,212 We're going to have to go one step higher. 103 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:17,872 We're calling on You, Lord, 104 00:04:17,949 --> 00:04:19,708 at the family retreat. 105 00:04:19,784 --> 00:04:21,293 No TV, no radio, 106 00:04:21,369 --> 00:04:22,711 no cell phone. 107 00:04:22,787 --> 00:04:24,379 Just us and nature, 108 00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:26,515 the way You intended it. 109 00:04:29,127 --> 00:04:32,178 Great! No TV, no radio, 110 00:04:32,255 --> 00:04:34,931 no cell phone, just us. 111 00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:37,401 Oh, Lord, why You forsake me? 112 00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:49,112 (thunder rumbling) 113 00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:51,114 FATHER: If I could have your attention? 114 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:53,917 (indistinct chatter) 115 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:57,120 Welcome to Wandering Glen. 116 00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:58,422 I know you're all expecting 117 00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:00,290 a weekend of fun and frolic 118 00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:02,459 in the great outdoors, 119 00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:04,794 but it seems the Good Lord had other plans. 120 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:07,839 (thunder rumbles) 121 00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,841 And who are we to argue? 122 00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:11,217 I don't want to argue. 123 00:05:11,294 --> 00:05:13,261 I just want to leave. Ow! 124 00:05:13,338 --> 00:05:15,263 FATHER: So, just as Jesus 125 00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:17,474 suffered the thorny crown, 126 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,860 we must endure the dankness 127 00:05:19,936 --> 00:05:21,111 of this place. 128 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:23,605 And now, without further ado, 129 00:05:23,681 --> 00:05:25,940 I'd like to turn the weekend over 130 00:05:26,017 --> 00:05:28,818 to our retreat facilitators, 131 00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:30,153 Father Roger 132 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,155 and Sister Jane. 133 00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:35,158 Hi, everybody! Hey, everybody! 134 00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:36,368 BOTH: And one, two, three. 135 00:05:36,444 --> 00:05:38,128 ♪ Howdy, neighbor ♪ 136 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,829 ♪ Pleased to meet ya ♪ 137 00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,414 JANE: ♪ Sister Jane ♪ ROGER: ♪ Father Roger ♪ 138 00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:43,065 BOTH: ♪ We're here to greet ya ♪ 139 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,502 JANE: ♪ And don't forget our neighbor above ♪ 140 00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:49,506 Now I want to go home. BOTH: ♪ He's gonna wrap us in a blanket of love ♪ 141 00:05:49,582 --> 00:05:52,801 ♪ A big floppy blanket ♪ 142 00:05:52,877 --> 00:05:56,096 ♪ Of love ♪ 143 00:05:56,172 --> 00:05:57,689 Whoo! Yeah! 144 00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:00,508 JANE: Thank you. Thank you. 145 00:06:00,586 --> 00:06:02,102 Right back at...