The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E08.Pop.Pop.Goes.the.Weasel.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:04,196 --> 00:00:06,422 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,643 (upbeat music playing) 3 00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:25,182 -Uncle Bernie, can I help you barbecue? -No, sir. No. Uh-uh. 4 00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:27,943 Aw, you always say no. When can I help? 5 00:00:28,020 --> 00:00:30,812 When can he help? When weenies fly. 6 00:00:30,889 --> 00:00:33,657 America, the last time I tried to teach him to barbecue, 7 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:37,402 all he wanted to do was stick his fist in the chicken's butt. 8 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:39,329 I'm scared to leave him alone with a link. 9 00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:40,697 Little freak. 10 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,382 Still, every man wants someone 11 00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,409 to pass his barbecue secrets down to, you know? 12 00:00:44,486 --> 00:00:47,037 That's just... just the way it is. 13 00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:50,707 Okay, son. Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give you a test. 14 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:54,211 -If you pass this test, I'll teach you how to barbecue. -Okay. 15 00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:57,297 Now, I want you to flip the burgers over. 16 00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:58,924 Not a second too early, and not a second too late. 17 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,300 You understand me? 18 00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:02,436 But--But how will I know? 19 00:01:03,755 --> 00:01:05,138 Trust the meat. 20 00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:07,691 (grill sizzling) 21 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,638 (clanging) 22 00:01:41,877 --> 00:01:43,068 (groans) 23 00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:45,887 These burgers are disgusting. 24 00:01:45,964 --> 00:01:49,599 Yeah, they're a little bit... burnt. 25 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,268 Why y'all looking at me? 26 00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:52,778 Jordan, you wanna tell them what happened? 27 00:01:52,855 --> 00:01:54,771 I-I didn't trust the meat. 28 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,657 You didn't trust something. 29 00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:01,620 Hey, hey, hey! You can't go wasting food, now. 30 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:09,786 Mmm! These burgers are mm-mmm good, little man! Mmm! 31 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,131 You cwazy. 32 00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:14,800 Mmm! Oh, thank you, princess. 33 00:02:16,912 --> 00:02:19,171 (smacking lips) Mmm! 34 00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:21,131 Gimme another one. 35 00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:23,800 He thinks everything in my house tastes good. 36 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,677 (imitates chewing food) 'Cause it's free. 37 00:02:25,688 --> 00:02:28,180 Look, America, I'm glad the man moved out here 38 00:02:28,256 --> 00:02:30,348 to be close to his daughter, but I don't think 39 00:02:30,425 --> 00:02:32,601 he counted on how expensive kids are. 40 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:35,562 Especially Elizabeth Taylor over here. 41 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:36,947 Yeah... (sighing) 42 00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:38,448 Mm-hmm... yeah... 43 00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:42,485 Already... (stammers) out of control. 44 00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:45,822 Look out, brother! They're about to let a spike strip down. 45 00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,657 Swerve! Swerve! 46 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:48,959 Ooh! 47 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,077 Oh, man. Look at that! 48 00:02:51,154 --> 00:02:52,829 They g***t a brother rollin' on rims. 49 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:55,749 Ooh, ooh. Oh, okay. Watch this, watch this. 50 00:02:55,825 --> 00:02:57,258 Look, in a second, 51 00:02:57,336 --> 00:02:59,044 they're gonna find his stash in his pocket. 52 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,637 How do you know that, Daddy? 53 00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:03,173 That's because I'm observant. You see, me. 54 00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:05,634 I don't miss nothing. VANESSA: Bryan? 55 00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:06,718 Yeah? 56 00:03:06,795 --> 00:03:08,345 Do you mind? What? 57 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,055 If you wanna talk to the screen, 58 00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:11,556 go down to the Magic Johnson Theater. 59 00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:14,267 Mmm. My bad. 60 00:03:14,344 --> 00:03:16,019 Can we go to the movies, Daddy? 61 00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,604 Naw. 62 00:03:17,681 --> 00:03:19,689 Princess, we can watch a movie right now. 63 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,734 Okay, now, which one is the movie button on the remote? 64 00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:26,196 No, she means she wants to go to the movie theater. 65 00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:28,940 Where she can get buttered popcorn and licorice. 66 00:03:32,654 --> 00:03:35,247 Oh, you just want some popcorn, princes? 67 00:03:35,323 --> 00:03:39,000 I'm pretty sure Uncle Bernie wouldn't mind popping us some popcorn. 68 00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:41,836 Uh... Bernie! 69 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:43,213 Bernie! 70 00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,714 BERNIE: What? 71 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,516 Hey, man, would you mind popping us some popcorn? 72 00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:49,135 Uh, with extra butter. Uh, a little salt. 73 00:03:49,212 --> 00:03:51,471 Anything else? Yeah! 74 00:03:51,548 --> 00:03:54,224 Some of that cheesy spray, if you g***t some! 75 00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:57,227 (to himself): "Some of that cheese spray, if you g***t it." 76 00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,446 Some folks don't know when to go home. I... 77 00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:03,108 What the...? 78 00:04:03,184 --> 00:04:05,193 Who in the hell bit off this pear 79 00:04:05,270 --> 00:04:06,745 and put it back in the basket? 80 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,906 Don't make no doggone sense. 81 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,291 Look at this. 82 00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:14,452 Bit the pear, put it in the basket, 83 00:04:14,529 --> 00:04:16,255 garbage all on the floor... 84 00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:18,873 (sighs) 85 00:04:18,950 --> 00:04:19,925 Animals! 86 00:04:21,119 --> 00:04:23,962 Bunch of doggone animals. You hear me? 87 00:04:24,039 --> 00:04:26,172 I'm living with a bunch of animals! 88 00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:27,507 You hear what I said? 89 00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:29,893 A bunch of doggone animals. 90 00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:33,888 Oh, my... (screams) 91 00:04:33,965 --> 00:04:35,899 Let's go see what that is. 92 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,600 Hey, hey, hey, Bernie. 93 00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:38,852 Everything cool, man? What's up? 94 00:04:38,928 --> 00:04:40,420 Look! 95 00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:42,439 WANDA: (gasps) Ooh, my dear Lord, what is it? 96 00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:44,399 It's a rat! It's a possum. 97 00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,818 It's ugly. Hey, hey, we better get this outta here. 98 00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,737 Hey, Bernie, where's your gat, man? My what? 99 00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:51,614 Your gun. Your--Your toolie, man. Your--Your piece. 100 00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,491 Don't tell me you're livin' this phat 101 00:04:53,568 --> 00:04:54,826 and you ain't g***t no heat up in the house. 102 00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:57,329 I ain't g***t no gat, fool. This ain't the ghetto. 103 00:04:57,405 --> 00:04:59,622 Tell that to that big a***s rat in this kitchen. 104 00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:02,000 This is a custom-made floor. You think I'm gonna shoot it up? 105 00:05:02,077 --> 00:05:03,802 Y'all g***t too much d***n money. 106 00:05:06,289 --> 00:05:08,882 (grunting) 107 00:05:08,958 --> 00:05:10,475 (shuddering) 108 00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,262 (door shuts) 109 00:05:14,339 --> 00:05:15,388 Okay, it's gone. 110 00:05:15,465 --> 00:05:16,973 You sure, baby? 111 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:19,359 -Oh, my goodness. -What? 112 00:05:19,436 --> 00:05:21,311 My man is scared of a little bitty old rat. 113 00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,313 I ain't afraid of no rat, man. 114 00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:26,149 It just ca--caught me by... by surprise. 115 00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,734 Oh! Oh, okay. Uh... 116 00:05:27,811 --> 00:05:28,985 'Cause it look like you were scared. 117 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,528 Naw. 118 00:05:30,605 --> 00:05:32,155 Shoot, I'm a man about mine. 119 00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,615 Oh, get on down there, man. 120 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,459 It's all cool. (chuckling) 121 00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,961 There he is! Watch out! He's behind you! (cackling) 122 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,079 Quit playing, man. 123 00:05:39,155 --> 00:05:40,914 (squeaking) 124 00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:44,042 I checked your soffits and your subbasement. 125 00:05:44,119 --> 00:05:45,460 There are no other openings, 126 00:05:45,537 --> 00:05:47,462 so just keep your patio doors closed, 127 00:05:47,539 --> 00:05:49,547 and that should prevent it from coming inside again. 128 00:05:49,624 --> 00:05:52,425 Well, what about outside? Well, you can always set a trap. 129 00:05:52,502 --> 00:05:55,011 Oh, no. I don't want to trap it. 130 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,389 Uh... Well, you know the solution. 131 00:05:57,465 --> 00:05:58,556 Pop, pop. 132 00:05:58,633 --> 00:06:00,433 We're not getting a gun. 133 00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:02,560 Actually, some people do get BB guns to scare 'em. 134 00:06:02,637 --> 00:06:03,520 BRYAN: See? See? 135 00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:04,896 And he's an expert. 136 00:06:04,973 --> 00:06:06,615 No gun. (sighs) 137 00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:09,493 Any alternatives? 138 00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,454 Feed it some of your cooking. (chuckling) 139 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:16,699 (sighs) You know, I can't believe 140 00:06:16,776 --> 00:06:19,119 Animal Control didn't...