The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E07.For.Whom.the.Belt.Tolls.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:04,586 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:21,762 Oh! 3 00:00:21,838 --> 00:00:23,555 Hey, America. 4 00:00:23,566 --> 00:00:26,183 Bernie Mac is road-weary. 5 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,060 12 cities in 14 days. 6 00:00:28,136 --> 00:00:30,854 Long hours, different hotels every night. 7 00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,689 I ** beat. 8 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:35,942 But one thing traveling does, America, it makes you appreciate 9 00:00:36,019 --> 00:00:38,111 what's waiting for you at home, believe me. 10 00:00:38,188 --> 00:00:39,571 JORDAN: Uncle Bernie! You're back! 11 00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:41,089 We missed you. 12 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,699 Boy, I'm busy. Don't come in here. 13 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,168 (whistling) 14 00:00:46,696 --> 00:00:48,130 Mmm. 15 00:00:49,625 --> 00:00:51,625 (contented sigh) 16 00:00:51,701 --> 00:00:53,218 Oh, boy. 17 00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,232 Somebody's been in my seat. 18 00:01:18,895 --> 00:01:20,662 Them d***n kids. 19 00:01:22,533 --> 00:01:23,907 Wanda! Yeah? 20 00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,659 You let those kids go in my den? 21 00:01:25,735 --> 00:01:28,620 Wait, wait, wait, hold up. I didn't let anybody do anything. 22 00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:32,582 You know what? They were acting up all while you were gone, okay? 23 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,377 I mean, I've had to deal with constant fighting, back talk, 24 00:01:35,453 --> 00:01:36,970 and a small little fire 25 00:01:37,047 --> 00:01:39,172 Jordan may or may not have started. 26 00:01:39,249 --> 00:01:41,967 Ooh, I ** at the end of my rope with that boy. 27 00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:43,677 He is totally out of control. 28 00:01:43,753 --> 00:01:45,303 He's out of control, huh? 29 00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:46,930 You give him the eye? 30 00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,807 The eye doesn't work anymore. 31 00:01:48,884 --> 00:01:50,133 He doesn't listen to me. 32 00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:51,601 Let me see the eye. Let me see it. 33 00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:55,021 I... Now you're not listening to me. 34 00:01:55,098 --> 00:01:58,108 Well... All right, then, 35 00:01:58,185 --> 00:01:59,526 I'll deal with the boy first thing in the morning. 36 00:01:59,603 --> 00:02:01,444 But right now I've g***t to get me some sleep. 37 00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:04,239 Wait. You sleeping in the middle of the day? 38 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:05,615 What ** I supposed to do? 39 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,993 Wanda, baby, what you always tell me? 40 00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:11,121 You said the people in your job, they're just like children. 41 00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:13,748 So use some of that work tactics here at home. 42 00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,000 You're the boss lady. 43 00:02:15,076 --> 00:02:16,918 Crack the whip. Pop it! 44 00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:17,803 (smacks with towel) 45 00:02:24,419 --> 00:02:27,470 Now you know you're not supposed to watch TV in your uncle's den. 46 00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:29,347 This is why we gave you the TV in here. 47 00:02:29,424 --> 00:02:30,891 I can never get to it. 48 00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:32,517 They're always in here playing 49 00:02:32,594 --> 00:02:34,102 their stupid video games. Nuh-uh! 50 00:02:34,179 --> 00:02:35,645 Vanessa's always kicking us out 51 00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,105 to watch The O.C. 52 00:02:37,182 --> 00:02:38,815 As if! 53 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,525 Well, from now on, 54 00:02:40,602 --> 00:02:44,788 we have this schedule to determine TV privileges. 55 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:48,450 Now, as you can see, you all have equal viewing time, okay? 56 00:02:48,526 --> 00:02:51,328 This is normalized by your respective ages 57 00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:53,622 to eliminate all conflicts. 58 00:02:53,698 --> 00:02:54,998 Any questions? 59 00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:57,125 Yes, one. Are you serious? 60 00:02:57,202 --> 00:02:58,335 Very. 61 00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:00,712 Look here, Bryana. It's your hour. 62 00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:02,005 Enjoy. 63 00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,515 Ha-ha. 64 00:03:04,709 --> 00:03:06,468 (voices speaking indistinctly on TV) 65 00:03:06,544 --> 00:03:09,262 MAN (on TV): (singing indistinctly) 66 00:03:09,339 --> 00:03:11,014 KIDS (on TV): ♪ Aye, aye Captain! ♪ 67 00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,399 Move. 68 00:03:13,677 --> 00:03:16,019 SINGER: ♪ Let's tighten it up now ♪ 69 00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:20,232 ♪ Do the tighten up, everybody can do it now ♪ 70 00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:23,818 ♪ So get to it, we're gonna tighten up ♪ 71 00:03:23,895 --> 00:03:27,239 ♪ Let's do the tighten up, you can do it now ♪ 72 00:03:27,315 --> 00:03:29,366 ♪ So, baby, get to it ♪ 73 00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:32,535 ♪ Look to your left now look to your right ♪ 74 00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:36,164 (smashing and whooshing) What is all that noise? 75 00:03:36,241 --> 00:03:37,883 (gasps) 76 00:03:39,911 --> 00:03:43,546 Jordan? What are you doing? 77 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:47,550 Uh... nothing, just trying to teach myself golf. 78 00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:52,231 You are ruining my club, and my garden! Ooh! 79 00:03:52,307 --> 00:03:54,057 You're not going to tell Uncle Bernie, are you? 80 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,508 Boy, you ain't g***t to worry about 81 00:03:55,586 --> 00:03:57,394 Uncle Bernie, you need to worry about me. 82 00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:59,529 Now you replant all of these flowers, 83 00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:02,241 mister, until you learn how to respect other people's property. 84 00:04:02,317 --> 00:04:03,566 Do you understand? 85 00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:05,819 So you're not going to tell Uncle Bernie? 86 00:04:05,895 --> 00:04:09,990 No, he is sleeping and you better not disturb him. 87 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,992 Get to planting. 88 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,961 Oh, whatever you say. 89 00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:17,580 Phew. 90 00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:19,716 (snoring) 91 00:04:24,039 --> 00:04:25,764 GIRL (on TV): Oh my God, that's wonderful. 92 00:04:25,841 --> 00:04:27,507 Which one? 93 00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:30,552 What channel did you say it was on? 94 00:04:30,628 --> 00:04:32,095 (TV channel changes to funky music) 95 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:33,522 Hey, I was watching that! 96 00:04:33,598 --> 00:04:36,016 You can have my hour later. 97 00:04:36,092 --> 00:04:38,184 Hmm, nice. 98 00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:40,195 Real nice. 99 00:04:40,272 --> 00:04:41,604 Give me that! 100 00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:42,605 In a minute. 101 00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:43,940 BERNIE: Keep it down! 102 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,442 Don't let me come out there! 103 00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:46,901 (hushed) I've g***t to go. 104 00:04:46,978 --> 00:04:48,445 Bye. 105 00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:50,080 And your hour is up anyway. 106 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,448 No, it's not. 107 00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:52,741 Let's consult the schedule. 108 00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,376 I said, it's not. 109 00:04:58,782 --> 00:04:59,923 You are so dead! 110 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,300 (hits piano keys) 111 00:05:06,956 --> 00:05:08,765 (muffled grunting) 112 00:05:14,089 --> 00:05:15,513 WANDA: Isn't that sweet? 113 00:05:15,590 --> 00:05:17,816 My system is working. 114 00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:24,522 ♪ I've g***t the schedule ♪ 115 00:05:24,599 --> 00:05:26,742 So? Give me that! 116 00:05:26,818 --> 00:05:28,493 Come and get it. 117 00:05:30,438 --> 00:05:32,989 (loud thump) 118 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,666 (ominous music playing) 119 00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:37,285 (both whimper) 120 00:05:37,362 --> 00:05:39,004 (loud crash) 121 00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:44,718 You made those kids a schedule and expect that to work? 122 00:05:44,795 --> 00:05:47,003 You just gave them something else to fight about. 123 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,296 I didn't know what else to do. 124 00:05:48,373 --> 00:05:49,964 They don't listen to me. 125 00:05:50,041 --> 00:05:53,134 Wanda, I told you, all you have to do is stand firm, 126 00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:54,344 stick to your guns. 127 00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,979 That's all I do and it works. 128 00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:57,856 That's because they fear you. 129 00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,609 They better! Because if they don't, 130 00:06:00,685 --> 00:06:02,894 I get Big Mama's belt and I... 131 00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:05,063 (awkward music playing) 132 00:06:05,140 --> 00:06:10,193 America, if the problem is that those kids don't fear Wanda, 133 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:13,113 then don't worry, they will. 134 00:06:13,189 --> 00:06:15,707 I'll see to it myself. 135 00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:25,625 Wanda. Hmm? 136 00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:27,335 Here, baby, this is for you. 137 00:06:27,412 --> 00:06:28,845 Ooh. 138 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,964 Isn't this Big Mama's belt? Mm-hmm. 139 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:32,516 My God, was she a size 40? 140 00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:36,094 No. It's not for wearing. It's for scaring. 141 00:06:36,171 --> 00:06:38,346 Oh. You understand that? 142 00:06:38,423 --> 00:06:40,849 You said the kids don't fear you, now this is the key. 143 00:06:40,925 --> 00:06:43,810 I call this the weapon of a***s destruction. 144 00:06:43,887 --> 00:06:45,353 Uh, thanks, honey, but you know what? 145 00:06:45,430 --> 00:06:48,156 The belt, that's not my...