The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E21.Growing.Pains.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,586 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:17,876 --> 00:00:19,143 Look at this, America. 3 00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:21,053 It's Nessa's test scores. 4 00:00:21,129 --> 00:00:23,013 Seems so small, doesn't it? 5 00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:26,275 But Bernie Mac had to work long and hard for this. 6 00:00:26,351 --> 00:00:29,519 Tell 'em, Nessa, how hard you made me work for this. 7 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,897 Tell 'em. Can we just open it now? 8 00:00:31,973 --> 00:00:33,056 No, no. Come on. 9 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,733 America loves my stories, Nessa. 10 00:00:34,810 --> 00:00:36,151 Go ahead and tell 'em. 11 00:00:36,228 --> 00:00:37,903 Tell 'em what happened. They'll love it. 12 00:00:37,979 --> 00:00:41,040 (sighs) Okay, well, I had... 13 00:00:43,819 --> 00:00:45,335 I can't do this! 14 00:00:48,698 --> 00:00:49,864 (clears throat) 15 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:51,083 Well, I'll tell you, America, 16 00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:52,375 because y'all don't change up on me 17 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:53,827 like some people around here. 18 00:00:56,632 --> 00:00:59,591 Ooh, Nessa, watch that pot for me right quick, ok? 19 00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:01,218 Oh, and tell your brother to come in for dinner. 20 00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:02,811 Thank you, sweetheart. 21 00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:05,263 (indistinct voices) 22 00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:07,891 Hey, Jordan, come in. It's dinnertime. 23 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,226 JORDAN (annoyed): In a minute! 24 00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:11,728 No, now, Jordan. Uncle Bernie said so. 25 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,814 And I said in a minute! 26 00:01:13,890 --> 00:01:15,199 (hoots and laughter) 27 00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,192 Fine. Stay out there. 28 00:01:17,269 --> 00:01:19,119 I'll let Uncle Bernie deal with you. 29 00:01:19,196 --> 00:01:20,987 Did you see that, America? 30 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:24,157 Basically, Jordan just challenged her authority. 31 00:01:24,234 --> 00:01:26,993 And as far as I was concerned, at the time, 32 00:01:27,070 --> 00:01:28,653 that was Nessa's problem, 33 00:01:28,731 --> 00:01:32,132 along with the problems she was having at her new job. 34 00:01:35,245 --> 00:01:36,419 (clears throat) 35 00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:39,506 I said nonfat double mocha Grande cappuccino 36 00:01:39,517 --> 00:01:42,017 with soy milk, extra cinnamon and nutmeg on the side. 37 00:01:42,094 --> 00:01:44,636 Yes, ma'**. I can taste the fat in it. 38 00:01:44,647 --> 00:01:47,472 Oh, well, look, somehow 39 00:01:47,549 --> 00:01:48,774 you picked up the wrong cup. 40 00:01:50,051 --> 00:01:51,735 You gave me the wrong cup. 41 00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:55,313 You're probably right. 42 00:01:55,390 --> 00:01:57,774 Please accept a fat-free biscotti 43 00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:01,286 and your properly prepared drink as an apology. 44 00:02:12,115 --> 00:02:14,541 Wow, so this is your new laptop. Sweet. 45 00:02:14,618 --> 00:02:17,419 What are you doing? (login sounds) 46 00:02:17,495 --> 00:02:18,795 I'm just going to AOL. 47 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,847 They have a link to Moviefone. 48 00:02:20,924 --> 00:02:23,383 I have to buy some tickets and your computer is way faster than mine. 49 00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:26,511 I'm busy. You won't even know I'm here. 50 00:02:26,588 --> 00:02:27,804 Score! 51 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,264 How do I get to Tarzana? 52 00:02:29,341 --> 00:02:30,774 Ah, MapQuest. 53 00:02:32,728 --> 00:02:33,443 Hey! 54 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:34,953 I almost had my ticket! 55 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,397 Jordan, I'm busy. Now go use your own computer. 56 00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:40,075 But I'm already here and yours is faster. 57 00:02:40,152 --> 00:02:43,153 I said no. Good-bye. 58 00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:44,413 Fine! 59 00:02:52,948 --> 00:02:55,841 Touch it and I will hurt you. 60 00:03:12,467 --> 00:03:14,142 Did you see it, America? 61 00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:15,936 Jordan gettin' physical. 62 00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,395 I never thought I'd see this day. 63 00:03:17,472 --> 00:03:19,606 You remember when the lad first g***t here. 64 00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:23,068 Pathetic. Some of y'all even sent in money. 65 00:03:23,144 --> 00:03:24,953 America, just take a look at him. 66 00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,491 (chuckles) Little bitty... 67 00:03:29,567 --> 00:03:31,534 Hey, you talking about me? 68 00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:33,912 Hey, hey, hey, take it easy. 69 00:03:33,989 --> 00:03:37,624 -BERNIE: I thought me and you had an understanding. -Sorry. 70 00:03:37,701 --> 00:03:39,551 Yeah. 71 00:03:41,213 --> 00:03:44,223 That attitude right there, it's my own fault. 72 00:03:44,299 --> 00:03:47,884 America, let me show you how it all g***t started. 73 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,386 Weights? 74 00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:51,355 Yeah, you g***t to be ready. 75 00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:52,639 It won't be long before your sister 76 00:03:52,716 --> 00:03:54,391 come hunting for you for revenge. 77 00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:56,685 Women don't play. I know. 78 00:03:56,761 --> 00:03:58,687 I g***t two sisters and a wife. 79 00:03:58,763 --> 00:04:01,022 You should have seen her face after I pushed her. 80 00:04:01,099 --> 00:04:03,033 Calm down. Calm down. 81 00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:04,542 I mean, I was just trying 82 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,169 to hold myself back from hurting her, Uncle Bernie. 83 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,738 (chuckles) Well, if that's the case, you won't need these. 84 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,115 You be fine, huh? 85 00:04:10,191 --> 00:04:11,875 I'll hold onto these. 86 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,576 I need an exercise regimen. 87 00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:15,245 In case something jump off. 88 00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:17,631 (growls) Tiger. (growls) 89 00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,889 Listen, word's going to get around 90 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,540 about what I did to Vanessa. 91 00:04:27,618 --> 00:04:30,176 But I just want you to know that me and you, we're cool. 92 00:04:30,253 --> 00:04:32,512 As long as you respect the boundaries. 93 00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:34,514 What are you talking about? 94 00:04:34,591 --> 00:04:38,443 Okay, however you want to play it, little sister. 95 00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:50,622 (sighs) 96 00:04:52,317 --> 00:04:54,492 I don't see how they can be this bad. 97 00:04:54,569 --> 00:04:56,202 I studied really hard. 98 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:58,496 I know, sweetie, but you know what? 99 00:04:58,573 --> 00:05:01,541 These are the PSATs and you can always take these again. 100 00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:03,543 This was my second time. 101 00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:06,805 I'm never going to get into a good college with these scores. 102 00:05:08,750 --> 00:05:11,560 You see how the balance is off now, America? 103 00:05:11,636 --> 00:05:13,553 The boy's talking like he's tough, 104 00:05:13,630 --> 00:05:15,347 and Nessa, who is tough, 105 00:05:15,423 --> 00:05:18,224 is letting these test scores get the best of her. 106 00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:20,810 But my baby Wanda and I, we're a team. 107 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,530 So she came through with a solution. 108 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,026 It's an SAT prep course. 109 00:05:28,103 --> 00:05:31,654 Yeah, they say they guarantee better scores or our money back. 110 00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:34,491 Honey, I didn't say anything about the money back. 111 00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:35,751 Then it's not a guarantee. 112 00:05:35,827 --> 00:05:37,535 (chuckles nervously) You know what? 113 00:05:37,612 --> 00:05:39,454 If you're willing, it's Thursday night. 114 00:05:39,465 --> 00:05:40,580 Of course she's willing. 115 00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:41,965 Thursday at what time? 116 00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,334 7:30. Okay. 117 00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:47,012 Hey, Baby Girl, Jordan, come on. Dinnertime! 118 00:05:48,623 --> 00:05:51,725 -Come on. -(gasps) Oh, my. 119 00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,594 What the hell is wrong with you? 120 00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:57,305 What? ** I the only one who's hot? 121 00:05:57,382 --> 00:05:59,349 -Uh, yeah. -Boy, get in there 122 00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:01,393 and put a shirt on for dinnertime. 123 00:06:01,469 --> 00:06:03,695 Don't be afraid of the cuts, Uncle Bernie. 124 00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,315 What! 125 00:06:07,392 --> 00:06:10,535 (indistinct chatter) 126 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,573 Vanessa! There's an extra shift on Thursday. 127 00:06:15,650 --> 00:06:17,700 Would you like to cover it? This Thursday? 128 00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:20,036 Yeah. It's cool if you're busy. 129 00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,371 Well... 130 00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,507 What ** I thinking? I can use the money. 131 00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:24,457 Of course I'll take it. 132 00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:26,126 Thanks, Vanessa. 133 00:06:26,202 --> 00:06:27,502 You are a really good worker. 134 00:06:27,579 --> 00:06:29,712 No, thank you. I just do my best. 135 00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:31,840 Mmm. Coffee-- I love it! 136 00:06:31,916 --> 00:06:34,943 (scoffs) Coffee. 137 00:06:38,715 --> 00:06:41,224 (door shuts) 138 00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,768 Hey, Nessa. Hey, Nessa, how'd it go? 139 00:06:43,845 --> 00:06:45,728 Honey, she didn't get her results yet. Come on. 140 00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,647 That's...