The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E22.Bernies.Angels.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:05,671 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,643 (knocking) 3 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,395 How's it going? 4 00:00:21,472 --> 00:00:23,013 Mm. 5 00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:24,440 Come on, let's see! 6 00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,273 Well. "Mother's name:" Oh, I see you used Stacey. 7 00:00:33,350 --> 00:00:36,243 They better not do a criminal background check. 8 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:41,198 "Father or Guardian: Bernard McCullough." 9 00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:44,117 Why you put that? It's your name, isn't it? 10 00:00:44,194 --> 00:00:46,036 Don't nobody know Bernard McCullough. 11 00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:47,579 But everybody knows Bernie Mac. 12 00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:49,706 You g***t to know how to use the angles. 13 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:50,966 That's the name of the game. 14 00:00:51,043 --> 00:00:52,843 I thought the idea 15 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,961 was to get in on my own merit. 16 00:00:55,038 --> 00:00:58,548 And I don't want to use any angles. 17 00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,383 Honey, she's right. 18 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,720 So, Nessa, what are you going to write your essay about? 19 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:07,390 I don't know yet. It's supposed to be a personal statement. 20 00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:09,976 Well, you personally know Bernie Mac. 21 00:01:10,053 --> 00:01:12,112 A lot of kids can't claim that. 22 00:01:13,723 --> 00:01:15,074 (sighs) 23 00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:17,076 America, you know me. 24 00:01:17,152 --> 00:01:19,569 And I don't usually like to play the Mac Man card, 25 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,155 but desperate times call for desperate measures, 26 00:01:22,232 --> 00:01:24,908 and I'm desperate to get at least one of these kids 27 00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:26,085 out of my house. 28 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,204 Ah, yeah. 29 00:01:29,281 --> 00:01:30,680 Hey! (loud tapping) 30 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,999 Come on, let's go! Dinner! Let's go! 31 00:01:33,076 --> 00:01:36,419 (shouting and tapping) Come on, let's go! 32 00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:39,256 Hey, baby! Drop it like it's hot! 33 00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:40,966 Come get it while it's hot! 34 00:01:41,042 --> 00:01:43,727 Honey, it smells fabulous, but I gotta go. 35 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:44,603 I'm in a rush. 36 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,179 What?! Yeah, honey, 37 00:01:46,256 --> 00:01:48,306 I'm going to that sales conference at the Westin. 38 00:01:48,383 --> 00:01:50,142 Babe, I g***t a roast served for six-- 39 00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:51,726 me plus four-- come on, now! 40 00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:53,770 Oh, and you know what? Don't wait on the kids. 41 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:56,189 Jordan has play rehearsal, Bryana has soccer 42 00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:58,233 and Vanessa's having a salad in her room. 43 00:01:58,310 --> 00:02:00,986 Fine. I'll eat dinner by my doggone self. 44 00:02:01,062 --> 00:02:03,989 I ain't g***t to worry about nobody belching at the doggone table. 45 00:02:04,065 --> 00:02:05,532 Chewing with their mouth wide open. 46 00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:08,577 Sitting up there, man, grabbing without asking. 47 00:02:08,653 --> 00:02:10,328 I'll have me a nice, quiet dinner 48 00:02:10,405 --> 00:02:11,830 in a civilized atmosphere. 49 00:02:11,907 --> 00:02:13,206 Hey, where you going? 50 00:02:13,283 --> 00:02:15,509 In front of the TV. Where else? 51 00:02:19,089 --> 00:02:20,556 (door closes) 52 00:02:22,292 --> 00:02:24,259 I'm hungry. I need dinner. 53 00:02:24,336 --> 00:02:26,011 You ever think to call? 54 00:02:26,087 --> 00:02:28,346 Sorry. 55 00:02:28,423 --> 00:02:30,891 Here. You're a big girl. 56 00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:32,568 Heat it yourself. 57 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,409 (electrical popping) 58 00:02:49,486 --> 00:02:50,610 BERNIE: I hear that cellophane. 59 00:02:50,688 --> 00:02:53,663 You best not be eating my fudge strips. 60 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,373 What the...? 61 00:02:55,450 --> 00:02:57,301 (electrical popping continues) Lord! 62 00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:58,727 My Baby Girl know better 63 00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,295 than to put aluminum foil in the microwave. 64 00:03:00,372 --> 00:03:02,764 She ain't g***t the sense God gave a pigeon! 65 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:08,845 (zapping sound) 66 00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,689 (strangled grunt) 67 00:03:12,634 --> 00:03:16,778 (fantasy flashback music playing) 68 00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:28,582 (somber music playing) 69 00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:38,875 Mrs. Mac? Yes? 70 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:41,336 Would you like to bring your children up now? 71 00:03:41,413 --> 00:03:43,013 They're not my children. 72 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,590 You can take them anywhere. 73 00:03:45,667 --> 00:03:46,808 Children? 74 00:03:54,259 --> 00:03:58,019 SINGER (slow song): ♪ Peace, peace ♪ 75 00:03:58,096 --> 00:04:00,397 What are we supposed to do up here? 76 00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:01,898 (mumbles) I don't know. 77 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,650 Act sad or something. 78 00:04:03,727 --> 00:04:05,235 (stifled laughter) 79 00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:06,736 Uncle Bernie! 80 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,113 Uncle Bernie! 81 00:04:08,189 --> 00:04:09,281 He can't hear you. 82 00:04:09,357 --> 00:04:10,949 He's dead. 83 00:04:11,026 --> 00:04:13,618 But I need sour cream. 84 00:04:13,695 --> 00:04:15,420 (sighs) 85 00:04:17,082 --> 00:04:18,581 (somber harp music playing) 86 00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:20,375 Oh, Shimmy, he looks good. 87 00:04:20,452 --> 00:04:23,053 They did a good job. He looks so lifelike. 88 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,880 Yeah, except his gums aren't flapping. 89 00:04:25,957 --> 00:04:28,883 I don't think I've ever seen him this quiet. 90 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:32,762 It's actually kind of nice. 91 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,814 Well, I'm out of here. 92 00:04:38,395 --> 00:04:42,281 Huh! Thanks for the Escalade. 93 00:04:44,434 --> 00:04:47,786 Well... (grunting) 94 00:04:47,863 --> 00:04:49,571 you won't need this where you're going. 95 00:04:49,647 --> 00:04:51,598 (pants) It might burn up. 96 00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,829 BERNIE (voice echoing): Go ahead, take my chain. 97 00:04:57,906 --> 00:05:01,666 I'm still going to haunt you. (menacing laughter) 98 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:02,968 (screaming) 99 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,764 (laughter fades) 100 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,010 BRYANA: Is he dead? 101 00:05:12,087 --> 00:05:13,303 Should I poke him? 102 00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,105 No. He's still breathing. 103 00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:16,222 Uncle Bernie? 104 00:05:16,299 --> 00:05:17,733 Uncle Bernie? 105 00:05:17,809 --> 00:05:19,351 JORDAN: He's coming to, he's coming to. 106 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:20,643 (groaning softly) BRYANA: What's wrong? 107 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,479 (panting softly) Is he sick? 108 00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:24,731 (peaceful harp music playing) 109 00:05:24,808 --> 00:05:26,024 BERNIE: Oh. 110 00:05:26,101 --> 00:05:27,909 Hey, angels. 111 00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:31,988 My darling angels. 112 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,324 He's delusional. 113 00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:36,701 (sirens in the distance) 114 00:05:36,778 --> 00:05:37,535 Oh... 115 00:05:37,612 --> 00:05:40,914 (tinkling music playing) 116 00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:44,584 WOMAN: Mr. Mac! Mr. Mac! 117 00:05:44,661 --> 00:05:47,170 Mr. Mac, I'm going to take your blood pressure. 118 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:51,141 Oh... Did you see the angels? 119 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,343 Pupils are slightly dilated. 120 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,011 Oh... 121 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,721 B.P.'s 100 over 60. 122 00:05:56,798 --> 00:05:57,847 Mr. Mac... 123 00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,641 ♪ Angel, oh... ♪ 124 00:05:59,717 --> 00:06:01,393 Mr. Mac, do you feel any pain? 125 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,987 ♪ Do you feel the pain? ♪ 126 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:08,316 (sobs) Oh, the kids are angels! 127 00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:10,860 I knew they were angels! 128 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,220 He's in shock. 129 00:06:12,297 --> 00:06:15,281 Mr. Mac! Mr. Mac, do you know what day it is? 130 00:06:15,358 --> 00:06:17,909 Don't you know what day it is? 131 00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:19,744 It's my birthday. 132 00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:21,371 I been reborn. 133 00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,248 I know what's going on now. 134 00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:24,883 There-there go the angels! 135 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,178 Remember the angels I was telling you about? 136 00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,088 America, they Bernie's Angels. 137 00:06:30,165 --> 00:06:31,881 And it's my birthday. 138 00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:33,600 (squeals) 139 00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:41,307 (Bernie mumbling gibberish) 140 00:06:41,384 --> 00:06:43,685 WANDA: All right, honey. Here we go. 141 00:06:43,761 --> 00:06:45,145 Here we go. 142 00:06:45,221 --> 00:06:47,656 Where are they? Honey, are you okay? 143 00:06:47,732 --> 00:06:49,399 I'm fine. I just want to see them. 144 00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:51,151 Oh, look, there they are. 145 00:06:51,227 --> 00:06:54,237 (moaning and blubbering) 146 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,739 Um... Uncle Bernie, are you okay? 147 00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:58,825 Oh, Nessa... 148 00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:01,244 I'm fine. 149 00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:03,121 Thank you so...