My.Awkward.Sexual.Adventure.2012.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX] Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:52,187 --> 00:00:52,912 Rach! 2 00:00:54,225 --> 00:00:55,032 Rach... 3 00:01:34,956 --> 00:01:36,956 Good morning! 4 00:01:40,814 --> 00:01:42,914 Surprise! 5 00:01:43,331 --> 00:01:45,731 Breakfast in bed. 6 00:01:47,047 --> 00:01:50,914 Oh, how sweet... the mango cut into little hearts! 7 00:01:50,949 --> 00:01:55,624 Yup. And the moon apples and the smiley face. Bacon smiley face. 8 00:01:58,248 --> 00:02:00,438 I'm not coming to Niagara Falls. 9 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:07,395 Not funny cause... you know how hard it was to get a jacuzzi room? 10 00:02:07,415 --> 00:02:08,867 You know you have to book that way in advance 11 00:02:08,868 --> 00:02:11,400 and they don't give a refund on the jacuzzi room. 12 00:02:12,248 --> 00:02:17,214 Listen I'm... Jordan, I'm going through something and... 13 00:02:17,396 --> 00:02:21,497 I think that I need to... that we need... 14 00:02:21,515 --> 00:02:25,532 Okay, hold on. Wait! Just wait. 15 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:32,127 No! Hey hey hey! What are you doing? 16 00:02:32,162 --> 00:02:36,315 Okay. This stuff is suppose to happen till tomorrow night... 17 00:02:37,092 --> 00:02:39,930 - So I'm jumping the gun here. - No! Maybe no... 18 00:02:40,049 --> 00:02:43,916 You... are the only girl that I ever wanted to be with. 19 00:02:44,208 --> 00:02:49,209 Rachel Stern, will you marry me? 20 00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:55,304 I can't spend the rest of my life 21 00:02:56,138 --> 00:02:59,167 having s***x with just you. 22 00:03:00,835 --> 00:03:03,234 We're breaking up! 23 00:03:04,709 --> 00:03:08,584 Okay, okay. So, Rach ... 24 00:03:08,835 --> 00:03:12,025 Okay love, I can get better! 25 00:03:12,334 --> 00:03:14,279 What? I can! I can get better. 26 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,841 You just... you just tell me what it is I'm doing wrong. 27 00:03:17,876 --> 00:03:20,945 - I don't think that's a very good idea. - I can take it okay! Come on. 28 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,001 Yeah? 29 00:03:23,835 --> 00:03:25,735 All right. 30 00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:32,298 - You have bad breath. - Yeah, I can fix that. 31 00:03:32,318 --> 00:03:36,300 You're sloppy kisser. You've no idea what to do with my breasts. 32 00:03:36,421 --> 00:03:40,524 Sometimes I think you're actually trying to feed but you come way too fast. 33 00:03:40,543 --> 00:03:43,221 - Your p***s is just so ... - Okay, I'm good, thanks. 34 00:03:43,222 --> 00:03:44,354 - So you don't have to. - ...to the side and then 35 00:03:44,355 --> 00:03:48,213 you never go down on me. You refer to s***x as gentle time. 36 00:03:48,248 --> 00:03:51,426 You are terrified of going anywhere near my a***e. 37 00:03:51,427 --> 00:03:53,834 - You won't consider a threesome. - Why would I want to have a threesome! 38 00:03:53,869 --> 00:03:56,137 Why, so I can disappoint two people at the same time? 39 00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,730 Well, it's a good point. 40 00:03:58,735 --> 00:04:04,167 Okay, look, Rach. We can fix this, right. We can fix this thing. 41 00:04:04,168 --> 00:04:07,522 I can read a book. No, I ... we can make some list. 42 00:04:07,557 --> 00:04:10,991 We can fix this thing together as a team. 43 00:04:11,026 --> 00:04:15,653 Okay, but there are so much that I haven't experienced. 44 00:04:15,837 --> 00:04:20,852 And being with you this past year, I just... I need to get out there. 45 00:04:21,837 --> 00:04:26,103 We both do. We tried. We really tried. 46 00:04:26,703 --> 00:04:30,313 So I need to move on and... 47 00:04:31,507 --> 00:04:34,718 - Hey I'm setting you free. - But I don't want to be free. 48 00:04:34,838 --> 00:04:37,795 - I wanna be with you. - No, no! Just don't, don't. 49 00:04:37,796 --> 00:04:40,384 No! No! Take your week off. 50 00:04:40,804 --> 00:04:45,866 Oh, go to Toronto, stay with Dandak, have fun. Right? 51 00:04:45,902 --> 00:04:48,953 When you get back, I'll move in with my sister and we can... 52 00:04:48,954 --> 00:04:52,579 Okay, woah. No! Just hold on. Please. 53 00:04:53,630 --> 00:04:57,976 Okay, alright. You made your point, okay, I hear you. 54 00:04:58,097 --> 00:05:00,884 - I'm a crappy lover, okay? - Yup. 55 00:05:01,019 --> 00:05:03,802 Alright, but look... I checked this in. 56 00:05:03,922 --> 00:05:08,943 I g***t you the window seat which you love, okay. I'm in the aisle. 57 00:05:08,978 --> 00:05:12,463 And you know, let's just go and talk about it on vacation. 58 00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:25,755 Gary's totally overworked. 59 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:29,160 And you better get to it chop, chop 60 00:05:29,161 --> 00:05:31,720 since you're decking out early for that lame-a***s trip of yours. 61 00:05:31,729 --> 00:05:35,386 - Yeah I know, Kelly, we... - What you gonna cry? 62 00:05:35,507 --> 00:05:38,928 - Need a tissue? - No, I don't. 63 00:05:39,048 --> 00:05:42,906 My God, you are crying. You are actually... 64 00:05:57,541 --> 00:05:59,972 - Hey Mom. - Are you out of your mind? 65 00:06:00,092 --> 00:06:05,012 - You waited years for her like a schmuck. - What did she say to you? That's not... 66 00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:06,138 You think she can do better? 67 00:06:06,139 --> 00:06:09,105 You should be proposing to that woman, not breaking up with her. 68 00:06:09,140 --> 00:06:12,613 Woah. What...? No one's breaking up with any one, Mom. Okay. 69 00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:15,764 In fact, we're meeting at the airport in like three hours 70 00:06:15,765 --> 00:06:18,217 for a very special trip to a very... 71 00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:20,837 I can't talk now. I'm working out. 72 00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:30,913 This is the final boarding call for Flight 632 to Toronto. 73 00:06:31,247 --> 00:06:34,750 All passengers must now get on board. 74 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:46,513 ... paging Toronto passenger Jordan Abrams. 75 00:06:46,926 --> 00:06:50,400 Jordan Abrams, please report to the gate. 76 00:06:51,101 --> 00:06:53,401 I'm waiting for someone. 77 00:06:53,843 --> 00:06:56,043 She's not coming. 78 00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:11,190 - What is it, Jordan? - Hey, are you through security yet? 79 00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:14,150 - No, I'm not coming. - Come on, you better hurry up honey. 80 00:07:14,152 --> 00:07:16,882 - They're closing the gates here. - No. I ** not coming okay. 81 00:07:16,883 --> 00:07:18,839 We need some space right now. 82 00:07:20,095 --> 00:07:22,244 Okay, you know what? I'm coming right home 83 00:07:22,245 --> 00:07:24,017 and we'll just reschedule the flight for tomorrow. 84 00:07:24,052 --> 00:07:27,615 No, no, no! You're not listening, Jordan. 85 00:07:27,650 --> 00:07:31,585 I need this, I do. I'll see you in a week. 86 00:07:36,845 --> 00:07:39,624 You strike me as a kind of... Hello! 87 00:07:41,396 --> 00:07:45,391 You strike me as a kind of guy people need a break from. 88 00:07:45,512 --> 00:07:47,911 You're smothering her. 89 00:07:48,429 --> 00:07:50,828 Get on the plane. 90 00:08:19,555 --> 00:08:22,612 There he is. Come here. 91 00:08:23,788 --> 00:08:26,320 The next seven days you observe my every move, 92 00:08:26,321 --> 00:08:28,875 study my every gesture and stay close to exactly as I say. 93 00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:31,352 Watch, listen, be a sponge. 94 00:08:31,373 --> 00:08:34,521 Life is a buffet, my friend. You probably said that like a million times. 95 00:08:34,522 --> 00:08:37,549 - I don't think so. - Now, it's time for you to eat off the buffet. 96 00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:41,060 Now what's to consider if you agreed. Shaved? I'm guessing not! 97 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,722 - That's alright, I have enough to... - I'm sorry, man. 98 00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:47,130 I have no intention of being unfaithful to Rachel, okay. 99 00:08:47,134 --> 00:08:49,528 Unfaithful? She dumped you, dude. 100 00:08:49,548 --> 00:08:52,555 Oh, that's very nice. That's very compassionate and sensitive. 101 00:08:52,556 --> 00:08:54,261 No, stop! That's not fair! 102 00:08:54,348 --> 00:08:57,203 I've watched you pine for this girl since you were 12 years old. 103 00:08:57,223 --> 00:09:00,479 It took you 24 years to convince her to give you a shot. 104 00:09:00,599 --> 00:09:03,120 You took that shot. It didn't work out. I'm sorry about that. 105 00:09:03,121 --> 00:09:04,709 But it's time for you to move on. 106 00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:08,361 And as your sexual mentor, I need you to stay focused. 107 00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:11,740 Excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you. First of all, beautiful boots! 108 00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:14,263 Can I ask you a question? Is that alright? 109 00:09:14,724 --> 00:09:19,632 My friend here, do we...? Do you find him attractive? 110 00:09:21,350 --> 00:09:23,948 Yeah, he's not bad, maybe a seven. 111 00:09:25,024 --> 00:09:27,212 - 7 out of 20? - No. 112 00:09:27,346 --> 00:09:29,772 - Is that out of 10? Wow! - Yeah, dude. 113 00:09:29,858 --> 00:09:32,263 I was gonna say 5 or 6, but you're in great shape. 114 00:09:32,283 --> 00:09:34,750 - A 7 out of 10, for sure, right? - 7. 115 00:09:34,751 --> 00:09:35,856 - For sure? - Yes! 116 00:09:35,891 --> 00:09:39,413 Listen! We're throwing him a little shindig tonight. He's new in town. 117 00:09:39,533 --> 00:09:42,278 Why don't you, your beautiful boots, some of your friends? Come on by. 118 00:09:42,279 --> 00:09:45,800 Eightish, Apartment 4. What do you say? 119 00:09:46,933 -->...