L.A.Story.1991.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG Movie Subtitles

1 00:02:25,824 --> 00:02:28,356 Fax it to my car and my office. 2 00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:29,856 Talk to my girl. 3 00:03:31,327 --> 00:03:33,379 My name is Harris K. Telemacher. 4 00:03:33,439 --> 00:03:35,622 I've in Los Angeles, 5 00:03:35,679 --> 00:03:37,895 and I've had seven heart attacks, 6 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,784 all imagined. 7 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,633 That is to say I was deeply unhappy, 8 00:03:42,687 --> 00:03:44,008 but I didn't know it 9 00:03:44,063 --> 00:03:46,376 because I was so happy all the time. 10 00:03:54,975 --> 00:03:56,961 9 have a favorite quote about L.A. 11 00:03:57,024 --> 00:03:59,457 by William Shakespeare. 12 00:03:59,519 --> 00:04:03,044 He said, "This other Eden, demi-paradise, 13 00:04:03,103 --> 00:04:05,700 "this precious stone set in the silver sea, 14 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,844 "this Earth, this realm... 15 00:04:07,903 --> 00:04:10,402 this Los Angeles.“ 16 00:04:11,711 --> 00:04:14,625 Anyway, this is what happened to me, 17 00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:17,731 and I swear it's all true. 18 00:04:17,792 --> 00:04:19,178 Watch out, L.A. 19 00:04:19,231 --> 00:04:21,959 It's major gridlock out there this morning. 20 00:04:22,015 --> 00:04:24,394 Big holdups on all the freeways and surface streets, 21 00:04:24,447 --> 00:04:25,735 and don't expect to pass... 22 00:05:30,527 --> 00:05:31,968 Whoa! 23 00:05:35,615 --> 00:05:37,448 Hey! 24 00:05:42,783 --> 00:05:44,387 No, no, no, no! 25 00:05:44,447 --> 00:05:46,247 Harry! It's the perfect situation. 26 00:05:46,303 --> 00:05:47,689 I'm telling you as your agent. 27 00:05:47,743 --> 00:05:49,129 I can't be in a parade. 28 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:50,405 I'm in the news. 29 00:05:50,463 --> 00:05:52,001 You Won't see Diane Sawyer or Dan Rather 30 00:05:52,063 --> 00:05:53,449 in the Hollywood Day Parade. 31 00:05:53,503 --> 00:05:55,140 What good is it gonna do me 32 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,218 to stand in a convertible and Wave at people? 33 00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,462 It's gonna make you beloved. 34 00:05:59,519 --> 00:06:01,800 Waving is not what I do best. It looks fake. 35 00:06:01,855 --> 00:06:03,143 That's a great wave! 36 00:06:03,199 --> 00:06:06,058 Look, I have to maintain some dignity. 37 00:06:06,111 --> 00:06:07,333 People have to respect me 38 00:06:07,391 --> 00:06:09,126 so they'll believe what I'm telling them. 39 00:06:09,183 --> 00:06:10,602 This is news! This is truth! 40 00:06:10,655 --> 00:06:12,390 Now Harris Telemacher with his report. 41 00:06:12,447 --> 00:06:13,800 Hey! Hey! Hey! 42 00:06:13,855 --> 00:06:17,063 It's time for the wa-the wa- the wacky Weekend weather! 43 00:06:19,615 --> 00:06:21,481 Let's take a look at our Weather map. 44 00:06:21,535 --> 00:06:23,619 Oh! Hey! Whoa! Watch it! Oh, sorry. 45 00:06:23,679 --> 00:06:26,145 We're going to have a low coming in over Pasadena. 46 00:06:26,207 --> 00:06:27,495 Sorry, that's Pasadena. 47 00:06:27,551 --> 00:06:29,831 We'll have a low here. No, it'll be down there, 48 00:06:29,887 --> 00:06:31,524 and we were going to have some clouds 49 00:06:31,584 --> 00:06:32,805 in Beverly Hills, 50 00:06:32,863 --> 00:06:34,500 but the council voted, decided against it, 51 00:06:34,559 --> 00:06:36,709 so there'll be no rain in Beverly Hills. 52 00:06:36,767 --> 00:06:39,113 We'll just have some sun, and here's some snow, 53 00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:42,593 and possibly... 72 and snow. That's what we'll have. 54 00:06:42,655 --> 00:06:46,627 And now the oar phone report. 55 00:06:46,687 --> 00:06:49,153 Sunspot activity is at a minimum this week, 56 00:06:49,216 --> 00:06:50,437 so those with car phones 57 00:06:50,495 --> 00:06:52,295 will have little or no interference. 58 00:06:52,352 --> 00:06:54,152 Go ahead and make that big, important call. 59 00:06:54,207 --> 00:06:56,074 You probably Won't be disconnected. 60 00:06:56,127 --> 00:06:58,375 That's my report. Gail and Bob? 61 00:07:00,895 --> 00:07:02,499 Harris, somebody told me 62 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,768 you have a PHD. In arts and humanities. 63 00:07:05,823 --> 00:07:07,045 Yes, I do. 64 00:07:07,104 --> 00:07:08,936 A lot of good it did you. 65 00:07:11,103 --> 00:07:14,049 Harris, what's wacky? 66 00:07:14,111 --> 00:07:15,911 What's wacky? 67 00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:18,215 What's wacky about your last Weather forecast? 68 00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,363 It was pretty wacky. 69 00:07:19,423 --> 00:07:20,580 No, not wacky. 70 00:07:20,639 --> 00:07:22,309 Not wacky? 71 00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:24,004 That's what we bought with you. 72 00:07:24,063 --> 00:07:26,758 - You're doing some kind of intellectual stuff. - Intellectual stuff? 73 00:07:26,815 --> 00:07:28,200 Maybe it's intellectual to you 74 00:07:28,255 --> 00:07:30,339 because you were educated with a banana and an inner tube. 75 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,069 Are you kidding? This is an intellectual-free zone! 76 00:07:32,127 --> 00:07:34,659 - More wacky, less egghead. - More wacky, less egghead. 77 00:07:34,719 --> 00:07:37,000 Thanks, thanks. Let me make a note of that. 78 00:07:37,055 --> 00:07:39,303 More wacky, less egghead. What was your name again? 79 00:07:43,391 --> 00:07:45,988 - We're late, aren't we? - It's only 1:00. 80 00:07:46,047 --> 00:07:47,914 That's what time We're supposed to be there. 81 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:50,794 You know, it's my mistake. If I say lunch is at 'l, 82 00:07:50,847 --> 00:07:52,866 then I figure if I get here at 12:40, 83 00:07:52,927 --> 00:07:55,306 we'll get there in plenty of time, which is fine, 84 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,760 but what I don't count on is the 20 minutes 85 00:07:57,823 --> 00:08:00,617 of abstract busyness that goes on after I get here. 86 00:08:00,671 --> 00:08:02,503 I'm doing 30-minute lips. 87 00:08:02,559 --> 00:08:04,992 Besides, they can wait. It's not gonna kill them. 88 00:08:05,055 --> 00:08:07,042 What I can't figure out is that you look ready. 89 00:08:07,103 --> 00:08:10,181 You look so ready that I get ready. And I get up. 90 00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,138 I stand by the door, and I get out my keys. 91 00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:13,729 Then, after I stand there about 10 minutes, 92 00:08:13,791 --> 00:08:15,658 I realize you weren't ready at all, 93 00:08:15,711 --> 00:08:17,097 so I sit back down. 94 00:08:17,151 --> 00:08:18,918 Then, I get another feeling that you're ready, 95 00:08:18,975 --> 00:08:21,256 and I get up and I straighten my clothes, 96 00:08:21,311 --> 00:08:24,323 then I realize you just gave off an illusion of being ready 97 00:08:24,383 --> 00:08:27,558 that I interpreted as not being an illusion. 98 00:08:27,615 --> 00:08:29,088 I'll be in the car. 99 00:08:34,495 --> 00:08:36,165 Sitting there at that moment, 100 00:08:36,223 --> 00:08:38,689 I thought of something else Shakespeare said. 101 00:08:38,751 --> 00:08:42,057 He said, Hey, life is pretty stupid, 102 00:08:42,111 --> 00:08:44,064 with lots of hubbub to keep you busy 103 00:08:44,127 --> 00:08:46,113 but really not amounting to much. 104 00:08:46,175 --> 00:08:47,910 Of course, Fm paraphrasing. 105 00:08:47,967 --> 00:08:50,728 “Life is a tale told by an idiot, 106 00:08:50,783 --> 00:08:53,926 full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." 107 00:09:12,543 --> 00:09:14,376 You look nice. 108 00:09:14,431 --> 00:09:16,298 - Do you like this one better? - Yeah. 109 00:09:16,351 --> 00:09:19,429 - I can change. - No, that's all right. 110 00:09:19,487 --> 00:09:22,051 Tell me again who We're having lunch With? 111 00:09:22,111 --> 00:09:23,978 Friends and friends of friends, 112 00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:27,142 and some of my gift-service clients. 113 00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:28,836 Frank will be there. 114 00:09:28,895 --> 00:09:30,149 Frank? I just saw Frank. 115 00:09:30,207 --> 00:09:32,552 He wanted me to be in a parade. 116 00:09:32,607 --> 00:09:35,368 I mean, if it weren't impossible for me to fire people, 117 00:09:35,423 --> 00:09:36,863 I'd get somebody like Harry Zell. 118 00:09:38,207 --> 00:09:39,593 Ifs 1:20 now. 119 00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:41,731 20 minutes past the hour of 1:00. 120 00:09:41,791 --> 00:09:44,257 If you sense something in the air today, 121 00:09:44,319 --> 00:09:46,152 ifs not the smog, Los Angeles. 122 00:09:46,207 --> 00:09:47,593 Ifs the first day of spring, 123 00:09:47,647 --> 00:09:49,895 the spring equinox, which of course means... 124 00:09:49,951 --> 00:09:51,337 What did he say? 125 00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,224 It's the first day of spring. 126 00:09:53,279 --> 00:09:54,785 Oh, s***t. 127 00:09:54,847 --> 00:09:57,128 Open season on the L.A. Freeway! 128 00:09:57,183 --> 00:09:59,910 Where is it? Look in the glove compartment! 129 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,669 Here it is! 130 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,745 - Is it loaded? - Just two bullets in it. 131 00:10:03,807 --> 00:10:05,444 Load it! Hurry! 132 00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:06,856 Get over! What's the matter... 133 00:10:06,911 --> 00:10:08,482 Do bullets go bad? 134 00:10:08,543 --> 00:10:09,765 No, it's not like milk! 135 00:10:09,823 --> 00:10:12,201 They don't have an expiration date! Hurry! 136 00:10:12,255 --> 00:10:13,826 - Here! - Don't point it at me! 137 00:10:13,887 -->...