The Bernie Mac Show s04e08 Stone Nuts.eng Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:02,837 --> 00:00:05,707 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:24,883 --> 00:00:29,563 (up-tempo music playing) Hey, how are my two sick little girls? 3 00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:30,978 A little better. 4 00:00:31,056 --> 00:00:32,316 Hey, can you wrap this for me? 5 00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:34,159 It's Auntie Wanda's birthday present. 6 00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:38,656 Ooh, Lachian. She'll love this. 7 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:39,859 She will? 8 00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,780 (sniffs) I can't smell it. 9 00:00:41,858 --> 00:00:44,278 What else did you get her? What else did I get her? 10 00:00:44,361 --> 00:00:47,911 That's $200 an ounce. Mm. 11 00:00:47,989 --> 00:00:50,459 Mm? Mm. 12 00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:54,208 Mm? Better be trying to clear her sinuses. 13 00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:55,847 Ignorant little thing. 14 00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:57,433 Wanda ain't greedy. 15 00:00:57,308 --> 00:01:00,338 She appreciates quality over quantity-- 16 00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:02,352 an unassuming little gift, 17 00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:06,179 romantic dinner, nice bottle of wine, 18 00:01:06,258 --> 00:01:09,018 and Bernie Mac, of course, for dessert. 19 00:01:09,094 --> 00:01:12,904 That's quality and quantity. 20 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,823 (kids chattering) 21 00:01:19,729 --> 00:01:21,819 Hey, guys. Anyone want to fly a kite? 22 00:01:21,898 --> 00:01:23,668 (all laughing) 23 00:01:23,742 --> 00:01:26,702 JORDAN: And now everyone's calling me Ben Franklin. 24 00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:29,082 Oh, but now, that's better than Puddles, right? 25 00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:30,706 You told her? 26 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,011 Look, if you want the kids to stop laughing at you, 27 00:01:33,085 --> 00:01:34,625 you g***t to give an effort. 28 00:01:34,703 --> 00:01:36,963 You gotta start doing some of the things the kids do. 29 00:01:37,038 --> 00:01:38,918 But how? I don't know, Jordan. 30 00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:42,929 Do what the other kids does-- play baseball, kickball, something. 31 00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:45,433 Fit in. Do what the other kids do. 32 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:47,185 Now, get ready to go to bed. 33 00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:48,863 Good night. 34 00:01:50,468 --> 00:01:52,018 Ow! I told you don't say nothing about... 35 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:53,099 You did not tell me that. I did. I did so. 36 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,940 (phone ringing) 37 00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:57,605 Hello. WOMAN: Yes, is this Mr. Mac? 38 00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:58,734 Yeah, this is Mac. 39 00:01:58,744 --> 00:01:59,994 (indistinct) 40 00:02:00,061 --> 00:02:01,531 Sure, I remember you, yeah. 41 00:02:01,605 --> 00:02:02,995 (indistinct) 42 00:02:03,073 --> 00:02:05,123 What? Fainted. 43 00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,502 He fainted? 44 00:02:06,577 --> 00:02:08,237 The nurse said you didn't eat lunch today. 45 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,620 I lost my lunch money. 46 00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,796 That fat girl picking on you again? 47 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,420 No. 48 00:02:15,493 --> 00:02:17,383 I lost it fair and square playing poker. 49 00:02:17,454 --> 00:02:19,174 Where'd you get the fool idea to play poker? 50 00:02:19,247 --> 00:02:20,667 You said to. Me? 51 00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:23,179 Yeah, you said, "Do what all the other kids are doing," 52 00:02:23,251 --> 00:02:25,141 and all the other kids are playing poker. 53 00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:26,522 Texas Hold 'Em. 54 00:02:26,597 --> 00:02:30,637 It's pretty fun, actually, but it's over real fast. 55 00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,727 I'm gonna have to give you some pointers. 56 00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:36,154 You know, I don't think it's a good idea 57 00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:38,313 to be teaching the boy how to gamble. 58 00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:41,364 What are you talking about? You want the kid to go hungry every doggone day? 59 00:02:41,436 --> 00:02:44,196 Look at him. He's skinny enough as it is. 60 00:02:44,272 --> 00:02:45,992 Look like a science project. 61 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:49,026 You know, I just think gambling is one of those gateway things. 62 00:02:49,110 --> 00:02:50,370 Gateway? Yeah. 63 00:02:50,445 --> 00:02:52,035 What the hell are you talking about? 64 00:02:52,113 --> 00:02:53,543 Take down your voice. 65 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:56,249 Poker ain't no doggone different than pitching pennies, 66 00:02:56,326 --> 00:02:58,706 flipping baseball cards, or shooting marbles. 67 00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:01,087 I'm just trying to give the boy a fighting chance. 68 00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,308 Ketchup. Ketchup. 69 00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:05,433 You ketchup. I'll get it. 70 00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:06,762 I just hope you know what you're doing. 71 00:03:06,836 --> 00:03:08,506 You let me handle him. You handle the girls. 72 00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:11,428 I know exactly what I'm doing. 73 00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:13,562 We're not the Old West. 74 00:03:13,635 --> 00:03:15,815 No one's gonna draw a six gun on him. 75 00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,016 This is an elementary school. 76 00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:20,488 There's metal detectors at every door. 77 00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:21,647 Come on! 78 00:03:21,726 --> 00:03:23,186 This is 2004. 79 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:24,540 Work with me. 80 00:03:25,814 --> 00:03:27,334 Texas Hold 'Em. 81 00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:30,987 First thing you need to know, you can't be trifling 82 00:03:31,069 --> 00:03:34,289 because it'll rip you apart. 83 00:03:34,364 --> 00:03:38,724 The first two cards, they must be face down. 84 00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,711 (tapping table) There's numerous names you give these cards: 85 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:48,430 pit, holding ground, stomping ground, strip. 86 00:03:48,503 --> 00:03:51,933 You're talking about the meanest game on Earth. 87 00:03:52,007 --> 00:03:54,677 This will make a sissy a man. 88 00:03:54,759 --> 00:03:57,849 And you're close to being both of them. 89 00:03:57,929 --> 00:04:00,189 You're playing two tough cowboys. What do you do? 90 00:04:00,265 --> 00:04:03,315 Pocket kings. If the big blind raises, I'm all in. 91 00:04:03,393 --> 00:04:05,333 Let me see your poker face. 92 00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,783 Little bit lower. 93 00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:08,856 To the left. 94 00:04:08,940 --> 00:04:10,280 There you go. 95 00:04:10,358 --> 00:04:12,488 There goes Spiderman! 96 00:04:12,569 --> 00:04:15,329 Look at my boy... (chuckles) 97 00:04:15,405 --> 00:04:17,505 Boy, I think you're ready. 98 00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:20,489 Here. 99 00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:24,972 Jordan, this is for you. 100 00:04:26,041 --> 00:04:27,301 Wow, your lucky money clip. 101 00:04:27,375 --> 00:04:29,005 You're doggone right it is. 102 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,429 It works for me. 103 00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:31,973 Aren't you afraid I might lose it? 104 00:04:32,047 --> 00:04:34,097 Give it back. Give it here. 105 00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,864 Give it here. Here. 106 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,523 Here, take the money. 107 00:04:37,594 --> 00:04:39,814 Give him my lucky money clip. 108 00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:41,768 Must be out of his d***n... 109 00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:46,528 America, you see me getting soft like that, you g***t to holler. 110 00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:48,583 It's been generation from generation. 111 00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,355 My grandfather gave me this. 112 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,420 His grandfather gave him this. 113 00:04:53,943 --> 00:04:56,083 His grandfather g***t it from a prostitute. 114 00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:57,668 Her name was, uh... 115 00:04:59,282 --> 00:05:00,592 You don't need to know everything. 116 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,877 You don't need to know everything. 117 00:05:02,952 --> 00:05:04,132 (up-tempo music playing) 118 00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,054 You guys are all going down. 119 00:05:06,122 --> 00:05:08,062 (boys chattering) 120 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,436 Hey, guys, can I play? 121 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,017 Get lost, Ben Franklin. 122 00:05:19,094 --> 00:05:21,354 Yeah. Go chop down a cherry tree. 123 00:05:21,429 --> 00:05:22,519 (all laughing) 124 00:05:22,597 --> 00:05:24,437 That was George Washington... 125 00:05:24,516 --> 00:05:26,486 and so are these. 126 00:05:28,978 --> 00:05:31,328 Nerd money is just as green. 127 00:05:32,357 --> 00:05:34,497 ♪ Now we gonna go down ♪ 128 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:36,870 ♪ In the meantime ♪ 129 00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,665 ♪ Gettin' ready... ♪ 130 00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:42,510 Hey, Baby Girl. 131 00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:46,724 Come on, man. How'd it go? 132 00:05:46,797 --> 00:05:48,717 They're still calling me Ben Franklin. 133 00:05:48,799 --> 00:05:50,059 You're kidding? 134 00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,085 But that's because I'm all about the Benjamins! 135 00:05:52,168 --> 00:05:54,228 Yeah! Yeah, baby. 136 00:05:54,304 --> 00:05:55,804 That's what I'm talking about. 137 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,690 Look at... You did all this? Oh, yeah. 138 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:06,029 You should have seen his face when I called him, Uncle Bernie. Mm-hm. 139 00:06:06,108 --> 00:06:09,358 I had the stone cold nuts, and he was on tilt after that. 140 00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:10,816 And I cleaned him out. 141 00:06:10,895 --> 00:06:12,395 Well, you'd better hurry up and clean that out. 142...