Last of the Summer Wine s17e08 Beware Of The Elbow.eng Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,980 What are you doing sitting on my steps? 2 00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:53,400 I'm thinking. 3 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,700 Thinking? About what? 4 00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:58,460 About things. 5 00:00:58,460 --> 00:01:01,660 About what things? 6 00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:04,140 Well, there's thee for a start. 7 00:01:04,140 --> 00:01:10,880 Coming here sitting on my steps thinking about me! Go and sit on your own steps. 8 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:15,480 It don't work down there. Why are my steps any different? 9 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:20,200 Because they're your steps. They're full of Eastern promise. 10 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:24,500 A brush is the only promise you'll get round here! 11 00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:30,900 Look, it's not easy. With my trousers, I'm not built for sitting on stone steps. 12 00:01:30,900 --> 00:01:33,100 Then why do you do it? 13 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:36,900 Because when I'm sitting here, 14 00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:39,480 I can hear voices. 15 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,700 Good morning. Would you like to be saved? 16 00:01:55,700 --> 00:02:01,600 What I'd like first is something to happen worth saving me from! 17 00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:21,960 Morning, sir. Would you like to be saved? 18 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,980 Keep your voice down. It's all a lie. 19 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:33,360 Who told you anyway? I was just teaching the lady the rudiments of botany. 20 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:41,500 How do you mean - if you sit on my steps you can hear voices? 21 00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:44,220 I don't know, it's very mysterious. 22 00:02:44,220 --> 00:02:47,520 Whenever I sit on YOUR steps, 23 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,140 I hear voices. 24 00:02:50,140 --> 00:02:52,580 What kind of voices? 25 00:02:52,580 --> 00:02:55,240 Oh, come and listen for thaself. 26 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:59,820 You mean anyone can hear 'em? I don't see why not. 27 00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:02,800 Here, that stone's still warm. 28 00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:13,100 I can't hear anything! Hang on, tha's hardly been here a minute. 29 00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:15,800 You're pulling my leg again! 30 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,100 With them wrinkled stockings, I could unscrew it! 31 00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:21,720 Hush, hush, hush! 32 00:03:25,220 --> 00:03:27,880 Oh, get off you cheeky devil! 33 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,260 You're having me on again! 34 00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:33,680 There you are. I told thee I heard voices. 35 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:49,800 You know how it is when you're... young and stupid. 36 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:55,220 It's like being old and stupid, but you get stupid much quicker. 37 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:03,000 Well, all I'm saying is that in those days I never used to be bored. 38 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:07,700 And then I woke up one morning and there I was - 39 00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:10,060 bored! 40 00:04:10,060 --> 00:04:13,160 When was this? 1939. 41 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,780 But you can't have been bored since 1939! 42 00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,980 Oh, yes I can. 43 00:04:20,980 --> 00:04:23,520 You can make it a way of life. 44 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:28,320 It's the Yorkshire equivalent of oriental pathways to self-knowledge. 45 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:32,620 1939? That was the year the war broke out. 46 00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:35,040 Yes, I noticed that. 47 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:39,720 I thought, fair enough, they're doing their best for me, 48 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,080 but I was still bored. 49 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:46,340 Huh! When I wasn't scared to death. DOORBELL 50 00:04:46,340 --> 00:04:49,420 If that's Howard, I'm not at home. 51 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,360 It's that religious group. 52 00:04:55,360 --> 00:05:00,660 You go. You're a trained killer. You need saving more than me. 53 00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:04,800 I resent that! I never missed a church parade. 54 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:09,000 If I go, I'll end up with armfuls of pamphlets. 55 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,380 Are they free? No, they're not free. Oh. 56 00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:15,860 Well, they'll not be selling me any pamphlets. 57 00:05:34,140 --> 00:05:36,280 Hei-ho-ho-ha! 58 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:42,960 I've g***t some pamphlets on bayonet fighting if you're interested. 59 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:48,480 Bayonet fighting?! All tha's ever done with a bayonet is polish it! 60 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:53,440 It was to get the blood off it. Tha faints when tha sees blood! 61 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:57,560 Only my own. I don't faint at the enemy's. Oh! 62 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:02,480 You're not supposed to spill your own. That's the whole idea! 63 00:06:15,220 --> 00:06:21,900 How can these young missionaries go round telling people how to live their lives? 64 00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:28,420 I mean, they don't have ANY idea how to defend themselves against a ruthless enemy. 65 00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:30,980 Oh, just like thee. 66 00:06:30,980 --> 00:06:33,440 I shall ignore that. 67 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:38,080 Well, they've g***t a d***n good idea how to sell pamphlets. 68 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:42,940 That's how they deal with ruthless enemies - they sell 'em pamphlets. 69 00:06:42,940 --> 00:06:46,700 They'd have been no good in the jungle! 70 00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:48,980 Oh, just like thee! 71 00:06:48,980 --> 00:06:51,560 I shall ignore that, too. 72 00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:58,000 Hey up! 73 00:06:59,700 --> 00:07:01,460 Now what? 74 00:07:01,460 --> 00:07:03,680 Did tha see that? What? 75 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:10,200 A giant, fat lady came floating up into the air 76 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:13,720 and then simply floated down again! 77 00:07:15,980 --> 00:07:18,980 He's gone. He's completely gone. 78 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,720 Yeah. 79 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:29,380 Well, she would, wouldn't she? It's what you'd expect fat ladies to do. 80 00:07:29,380 --> 00:07:31,700 Pop up everywhere(!) 81 00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:37,720 He don't believe me. I believe. She's worked one miracle already - 82 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:41,080 Foggy bought a round without arguing. 83 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,500 The man needed a drink. He's under stress. 84 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:51,080 I know when I see things and when I don't. My one flaw is I'm mad about Nora Batty. 85 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:56,060 A big enough flaw for anyone. What did she look like, this "vision"? 86 00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:58,740 She were ugly, Norm. 87 00:07:58,740 --> 00:08:01,760 Horrible. Frightening. 88 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:04,840 Probably an ex-girlfriend of yours. 89 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:08,360 She were bigger than that - a giant. 90 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:13,080 Yeah, but so was that fearsome bird you used to knock about with. 91 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,200 Who were that? 92 00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:19,840 Well, the one who was a bouncer. 93 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:24,780 She weren't a bouncer! She were an assistant manager. 94 00:08:24,780 --> 00:08:29,560 Well, she used to throw people out. That were only part of her job. 95 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:34,580 She used to take the money to the bank and she weren't robbed once! 96 00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:41,340 A responsible position like that and here she is - popping up all over the place. 97 00:08:41,340 --> 00:08:45,160 It wasn't her. It were bigger than her! 98 00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:50,800 There she is! 99 00:08:55,140 --> 00:08:57,720 I think he's finally cracked. 100 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:03,880 Nobody can live in trousers like that without the tension getting to them. 101 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,420 She were there. She passed the window. 102 00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:18,080 We understand. Don't upset yourself. 103 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:21,400 I'm telling you, she were there. I saw her! 104 00:09:22,740 --> 00:09:25,300 You've been working too hard. 105 00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:28,060 Oh, I wouldn't go as far as that! 106 00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:30,560 She is definitely here! 107 00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:34,760 It's been a long time, 108 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,240 but I'm pretty certain that is not a fat lady. 109 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:41,900 What's the bar food like here, lads? Rubbish. 110 00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:44,320 Nourishing, but nothing fancy. 111 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,760 Rubbish is closer. 112 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:52,080 They don't use microwaves, do they? They're all using microwaves. 113 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:57,040 There's all this global warming, and still they're using microwaves. 114 00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:01,900 It's in the air. You can't get shut of it. What are you doing about it? 115 00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:05,780 Don't look at me. I don't use a microwave. 116 00:10:05,780 --> 00:10:08,540 I still haven't passed toaster. 117 00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:12,840 Good man. I wish there were more like you. Thank you! 118 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,140 Has tha seen a fat lady? Fat lady? 119 00:10:17,140 --> 00:10:20,540 Don't torture me with fat ladies! 120 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:27,860 I bet you wished you hadn't asked that. Oh, I do, Norm. 121 00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,400 You were perfectly safe, you know. 122 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:34,120 Oh, yes. Ah, yes. I was watching every move. 123 00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:37,860 Aye, just watching. 124 00:10:37,860 --> 00:10:40,760 Tha didn't do anything. 125...