House.of.fools.S01E07.TASTETV.Englishfjf6 Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:11,946 Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru. 2 00:00:13,171 --> 00:00:16,146 # It's Christmas time In this house of mine 3 00:00:16,169 --> 00:00:18,220 # I hope it's wearing Some trousers... 4 00:00:18,221 --> 00:00:20,212 # The years go by And you don't understand 5 00:00:20,213 --> 00:00:23,188 # I've been stood In a chestnut brazier 6 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:25,220 # You've been stood in a chestnut brazier? 7 00:00:25,221 --> 00:00:28,156 # I've been stood In a chestnut brazier 8 00:00:28,157 --> 00:00:31,153 ♪ On the banks of the River Tee... ♪ 9 00:00:33,069 --> 00:00:34,072 The River Tee! 10 00:00:34,099 --> 00:00:38,118 Step into Christmas with those bulbous Teesside chestnuts. Yeah. 11 00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:41,465 Oh, I tell you what, Vic, wearing these Christmas party suits, 12 00:00:41,466 --> 00:00:44,421 it reminds me of non-uniform day, remember? 13 00:00:44,422 --> 00:00:46,425 Yeah, do you remember at school? 14 00:00:46,426 --> 00:00:48,461 When it was non-uniform day and we turned up starkers? 15 00:00:48,462 --> 00:00:50,425 Remember that? 16 00:00:50,426 --> 00:00:52,441 We weren't to know, were we? But it doesn't matter. 17 00:00:52,442 --> 00:00:55,477 Doesn't really matter... They couldn't say it mattered. Not when we're happy. 18 00:00:55,478 --> 00:00:58,481 Yeah, of course, no, I do remember, and they sacked you, which was, 19 00:00:58,482 --> 00:01:00,430 I thought was strange. 20 00:01:01,446 --> 00:01:05,413 Because, you know, you WERE the biology teacher, weren't you? 21 00:01:05,414 --> 00:01:08,457 Mind you, Vic, tonight... Eh? ..you look REALLY sophisticated. 22 00:01:08,458 --> 00:01:12,457 I ** sophisticated, aren't I? Really... Look, see that, look, ask me who I **. 23 00:01:12,458 --> 00:01:14,473 Yeah, sorry, who you are, yeah. Who are you, mate? 24 00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:16,501 My name is James Bond. 25 00:01:16,502 --> 00:01:18,482 JAMES Bond. 26 00:01:20,410 --> 00:01:22,474 Ah? Yeah. 27 00:01:31,486 --> 00:01:35,465 Eh? I will take as many portions of that as you've g***t. 28 00:01:35,466 --> 00:01:39,457 Go on, have a go, go on. Can I have a go? Can I have a go? Go and have a go. 29 00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:41,438 Thanks. 30 00:01:45,454 --> 00:01:48,441 You have to be wearing it. 31 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:49,473 Yeah, you have to be wearing. 32 00:01:49,474 --> 00:01:52,482 You knew that all along, didn't you? Yeah. Yeah. 33 00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:56,422 Bob, follow me. 34 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,409 I'm behind you, sir. 35 00:02:04,410 --> 00:02:07,449 Presenting the Christmas tree! View it at your leisure. 36 00:02:07,450 --> 00:02:10,469 At my leisure, I ** viewing, it's astoin-ishing. 37 00:02:10,470 --> 00:02:12,449 It is astoin-ishing, isn't it? Isn't it? 38 00:02:12,450 --> 00:02:13,505 Ask me where I g***t the decorations. 39 00:02:13,506 --> 00:02:15,473 You g***t it at the garage, didn't you? 40 00:02:15,474 --> 00:02:17,481 You know, the giveaway was probably the sponge, 41 00:02:17,482 --> 00:02:21,437 but also backed up by the jump leads. 42 00:02:21,438 --> 00:02:24,489 I've g***t a problem with it, I've g***t a little bit of a problem with this. Yeah, what? 43 00:02:24,490 --> 00:02:26,409 There's no lights. 44 00:02:26,410 --> 00:02:29,442 Ah, that's where you're wrong. Huh? Watch. 45 00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:38,409 Electric cigarettes from the garage. 46 00:02:38,410 --> 00:02:40,489 Hey, if we could get 30 chain smokers in here, 47 00:02:40,490 --> 00:02:43,477 we'd have quite a display, wouldn't we? It can be arranged. Yeah. 48 00:02:43,478 --> 00:02:46,437 So which garage did you get them from? Well... 49 00:02:46,438 --> 00:02:47,498 You know... 50 00:02:55,450 --> 00:02:58,445 I g***t them at the pop-up garage, Bob. Yeah. 51 00:02:58,446 --> 00:03:01,465 All the smoking techniques covered there, Vic, I think. Yeah. 52 00:03:01,466 --> 00:03:03,477 The pop-up? 53 00:03:03,478 --> 00:03:05,505 The pop-up garage. The pop-up garage? 54 00:03:05,506 --> 00:03:08,425 Yeah, it's basically, it's just a big skip, 55 00:03:08,426 --> 00:03:10,461 filled with petrol, with a tap on it, 56 00:03:10,462 --> 00:03:12,493 you know, to help the Christmas motorists out. 57 00:03:12,494 --> 00:03:15,489 Oh, the Christmas motorists, meandering around the country, 58 00:03:15,490 --> 00:03:18,437 looking for the relatives? That's it. Do you know what? 59 00:03:18,438 --> 00:03:19,461 It reminds me of that, 60 00:03:19,462 --> 00:03:22,485 you remember that big Christmas hit? Yeah. Do you remember it? Like... 61 00:03:22,486 --> 00:03:26,453 I'm driving round at Christmas... 62 00:03:26,454 --> 00:03:29,437 Just trying to find some relatives. Yeah. 63 00:03:29,438 --> 00:03:33,413 But we've missed the Preston turn off... 64 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,433 We'll have to go via Cockermouth. 65 00:03:35,434 --> 00:03:38,445 Driving around Cockermouth... 66 00:03:38,446 --> 00:03:40,498 ..at Christmas! 67 00:03:45,490 --> 00:03:49,413 Hey, Vic. I love your singing and the tree. 68 00:03:49,414 --> 00:03:52,489 It's so cool and powerful, just like yourself. 69 00:03:52,490 --> 00:03:55,422 All right, Erik? Yeah, as if. 70 00:03:57,418 --> 00:03:58,421 Father, 71 00:03:58,422 --> 00:04:02,449 as you well know, you promised me this fascinating bobble hat. Yeah. 72 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,469 I need you to confirm that it is wrapped 73 00:04:04,470 --> 00:04:08,470 and ready for me to open tomorrow, and wear on my head at dawn. 74 00:04:10,498 --> 00:04:13,441 Did you get it? It's all right. 75 00:04:13,442 --> 00:04:16,497 Well, I'll tell you what, Erik, you'll just have to wait and see what Santa brings, 76 00:04:16,498 --> 00:04:18,449 but in the meantime, 77 00:04:18,450 --> 00:04:21,501 I've g***t a little early Christmas present for you, Erik. 78 00:04:21,502 --> 00:04:23,473 Come on, come over. 79 00:04:23,474 --> 00:04:25,441 Christmas Eve, there you are. Er... 80 00:04:25,442 --> 00:04:26,502 Merry Christmas, Erik. 81 00:04:28,506 --> 00:04:30,485 There you go. 82 00:04:30,486 --> 00:04:32,409 Hope you like it. 83 00:04:32,410 --> 00:04:34,453 It's the men from One Direction, yeah? 84 00:04:34,454 --> 00:04:37,457 And I thought you could like lay them out on the pillow 85 00:04:37,458 --> 00:04:39,457 and pretend they were doing a little concert, 86 00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:42,433 or you could take their clothes off, wash them in your sink, 87 00:04:42,434 --> 00:04:44,493 and then put them back on the dolls 88 00:04:44,494 --> 00:04:47,489 and I g***t you a nice magic magnet there as well, so... 89 00:04:47,490 --> 00:04:49,433 ..merry Christmas. 90 00:04:49,434 --> 00:04:52,449 Great present, for a 12-year-old girl, 91 00:04:52,450 --> 00:04:55,458 or an old German woman that has diarrhoea. 92 00:04:57,474 --> 00:04:59,493 Just get me that bobble hat! 93 00:04:59,494 --> 00:05:02,414 Because this is child abuse. 94 00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:06,449 Glad you liked it, Erik. 95 00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:07,466 Eugh! 96 00:05:10,506 --> 00:05:13,445 I thought he'd have liked the magnet, Vic. 97 00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:15,481 Hey, you did get him that bobble hat, didn't you? 98 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:19,409 Oh, let's have a look, see what's on the telly, shall we? 99 00:05:19,410 --> 00:05:21,485 Ooh, look at this, this is good, isn't it?! 100 00:05:21,486 --> 00:05:24,437 My Half Tonne... 101 00:05:24,438 --> 00:05:27,429 Festive Arse with Kim Kardashian. 102 00:05:27,430 --> 00:05:29,437 Have you g***t the bobble hat? What about this? 103 00:05:29,438 --> 00:05:31,465 Peter Andre's 89p Christmas Dinner. 104 00:05:31,466 --> 00:05:33,489 Yeah, did you get the bobble hat? 105 00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:36,437 Oh, this is a good one, you'll like this one here, look. 106 00:05:36,438 --> 00:05:40,413 Inside Hitler's Festive Bunker Sing-along. 107 00:05:40,414 --> 00:05:41,481 How about that? 108 00:05:41,482 --> 00:05:45,453 Do you know, Vic? I'm not actually that keen on Hitler. 109 00:05:45,454 --> 00:05:47,485 Did you get me the bobble hat? 110 00:05:47,486 --> 00:05:50,449 Oh, look, here comes brother Bosh, 111 00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,473 clutching something of potential interest. 112 00:05:52,474 --> 00:05:55,477 Hello, everybody, and it's a great big warm welcome from me, 113 00:05:55,478 --> 00:05:58,429 and a very happy Christmas to everyone involved 114 00:05:58,430 --> 00:06:01,422 in this year's Christmas, you twats. 115 00:06:02,490 --> 00:06:05,465 What's that you g***t there? Oh, it's a jigsaw puzzle, 116 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:08,462 one million pieces! Whiteout in the Pennines. 117 00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:13,437 It's a wintry snow scene of three albino blokes 118 00:06:13,438 --> 00:06:16,486 drinking milk in a white van in a blizzard. 119 00:06:22,502 --> 00:06:27,473 Ages eight to 80, allow three years, brilliant, shall we? 120 00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:30,473 No, we shan't, Bosh. You can more or less eff off, actually. 121 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:33,445 I'm discussing something with your brother. Back upstairs. 122 00:06:33,446 --> 00:06:35,417 All right, no problem. My bad. 123 00:06:35,418 --> 00:06:39,425 I'll go upstairs and do it on my tod. Hey? 124 00:06:39,426 --> 00:06:45,426 And fix...