Landmine.Goes.Click.2015.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG Movie Subtitles

1 00:01:45,536 --> 00:01:47,712 And we're listening to this because... 2 00:01:47,744 --> 00:01:49,152 It's the only show in town. 3 00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:50,624 That's nice for him. 4 00:01:50,656 --> 00:01:52,608 He's g***t a completely captive audience. 5 00:01:53,856 --> 00:01:55,488 I wonder what he's saying. 6 00:01:57,792 --> 00:02:00,704 People of earth, do not be afraid. 7 00:02:00,736 --> 00:02:02,816 Assimilation is painless. 8 00:02:02,848 --> 00:02:04,544 Yeah, but probing not so much. 9 00:02:06,112 --> 00:02:08,256 Hey, we could use my phone to play some music. 10 00:02:08,288 --> 00:02:10,432 There is no auxiliary. 11 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:11,968 Well, s***t. 12 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,353 - Indeed. - We will live. 13 00:02:13,376 --> 00:02:14,784 I will not. 14 00:02:14,816 --> 00:02:16,640 I need a quick stop, okay? 15 00:02:19,744 --> 00:02:23,264 Whoo. 16 00:02:23,296 --> 00:02:24,608 That good, huh? 17 00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:32,448 Did you think about what I said? 18 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,720 Yes. I think it's a mistake. 19 00:02:38,752 --> 00:02:40,032 What, what we did, or... 20 00:02:40,064 --> 00:02:44,608 What we did doesn't matter anymore, okay? 21 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,296 But telling him about it does. 22 00:02:47,328 --> 00:02:50,304 - Yeah, it does. - So we say nothing. 23 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:51,689 What, what do you think, I wanna tell him 24 00:02:51,712 --> 00:02:53,632 Just to break you guys up? 25 00:02:53,664 --> 00:02:54,880 Should I? 26 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,185 You know this place used to be a warzone 27 00:02:58,208 --> 00:03:00,160 A couple years ago. 28 00:03:00,192 --> 00:03:01,888 A warzone, really? 29 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:04,288 - Huh. - Yeah, tanks, artillery, 30 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,976 Mines, the whole deal. 31 00:03:07,008 --> 00:03:08,736 What was it, like a civil war? 32 00:03:08,768 --> 00:03:09,952 Russians invaded. 33 00:03:09,984 --> 00:03:12,448 Shocker. 34 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,328 F***g Russians, man, they just don't get it, nobody likes them. 35 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,024 I mean seriously, name one good thing 36 00:03:17,056 --> 00:03:18,656 To come out of Russia other than, like, 37 00:03:18,688 --> 00:03:20,576 Really hot girl tennis players. 38 00:03:21,856 --> 00:03:23,808 Vodka. 39 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:25,385 - Yeah, there's that. - Vodka? 40 00:03:25,408 --> 00:03:26,848 The swedes make better vodka, 41 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:29,248 S***t, even the French make better vodka. 42 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:30,976 Oil and gas. 43 00:03:31,008 --> 00:03:32,105 - What? - The Russians, 44 00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:33,440 They make oil and gas. 45 00:03:33,472 --> 00:03:34,729 They don't make oil and gas, 46 00:03:34,752 --> 00:03:35,840 They have oil and gas. 47 00:03:35,872 --> 00:03:37,632 Yeah, right, it's not like 48 00:03:37,664 --> 00:03:39,785 Anyone said wow, this Russian oil is so much better than that 49 00:03:39,808 --> 00:03:41,417 - watered down Saudi s***t. - Hold up, 50 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,880 Let me get my bearings. 51 00:03:44,352 --> 00:03:46,880 - Are we on course? - Yeah, I think we are. 52 00:03:48,256 --> 00:03:50,656 I give you the AK-47. 53 00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,512 When you absolutely... 54 00:03:52,544 --> 00:03:54,112 Positively gotta kill 55 00:03:54,144 --> 00:03:55,936 Every motherfucker in the room, 56 00:03:55,968 --> 00:03:57,696 Accept no substitutes. 57 00:03:57,728 --> 00:03:59,776 That's a good point. 58 00:03:59,808 --> 00:04:01,344 You shouldn't have seen that. 59 00:04:03,136 --> 00:04:05,225 It's kind of sad, really, you know, the Russians, 60 00:04:05,248 --> 00:04:07,968 I thought they... I thought they wanted to be free. 61 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,112 - Be good. - Be like us. 62 00:04:10,144 --> 00:04:12,064 All I know is you never trust someone 63 00:04:12,096 --> 00:04:15,200 That comes from a country that's successful with chess. 64 00:04:17,088 --> 00:04:18,752 Yeah, you all right? 65 00:04:18,784 --> 00:04:20,137 - Come on. - I'm all right. 66 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,504 All right, there you go. 67 00:04:21,536 --> 00:04:22,793 - All right? - Up, all right. 68 00:04:22,816 --> 00:04:24,608 It's good, thank you. 69 00:04:25,728 --> 00:04:27,808 You're welcome. 70 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,120 What? 71 00:04:30,944 --> 00:04:32,992 - No... - Oh, my God. 72 00:04:33,024 --> 00:04:34,185 How do you like them apples, huh? 73 00:04:34,208 --> 00:04:37,248 Aw, man, dude. 74 00:04:38,208 --> 00:04:40,000 Chris, will you marry us? 75 00:04:40,992 --> 00:04:43,424 - Now? - Yeah. 76 00:04:43,456 --> 00:04:45,600 - Come on, come on. - What? 77 00:04:45,632 --> 00:04:47,017 - Let's do it. - Shouldn't we save it? 78 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,312 Put your bags... babe, we have the whole ceremony 79 00:04:49,344 --> 00:04:51,648 To make it official, this is, like, between us, 80 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,592 Friends, family, it's all that matters, right? 81 00:04:54,624 --> 00:04:57,120 Yeah, but I just... 82 00:04:57,152 --> 00:04:59,337 - I wouldn't know what to say, so. - Just put your... 83 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,960 Screw it, I will help you. 84 00:05:00,992 --> 00:05:04,256 Yes, okay, yes, he's right. 85 00:05:08,512 --> 00:05:09,856 I'm sorry. 86 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:12,809 - So, I say what... - L-ladies and gentlemen, 87 00:05:12,832 --> 00:05:14,761 - we are gathered here today. - Right 88 00:05:14,784 --> 00:05:16,192 Ladies and gentlemen, 89 00:05:16,224 --> 00:05:17,577 We are gathered here today to celebrate 90 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,224 The marriage of Daniel and Alicia. 91 00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:23,040 Wedding is a sacred institution. 92 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:25,088 Yeah, marriage is a sacred institution 93 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,976 And it should not be taken lightly. 94 00:05:27,008 --> 00:05:29,225 And we're not, so let's skip forward to the good part. 95 00:05:29,248 --> 00:05:32,512 So, Daniel, do you take Alicia? 96 00:05:33,728 --> 00:05:35,008 Daniel, do you take Alicia 97 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,640 To be your lawfully wedded wife? 98 00:05:37,888 --> 00:05:40,704 For rich, poor, sick and in good health 99 00:05:40,736 --> 00:05:42,496 So long as you both shall live? 100 00:05:42,528 --> 00:05:43,625 - I do. - I do. 101 00:05:43,648 --> 00:05:46,272 This is stupid. 102 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:47,776 - What? - This is stupid, 103 00:05:47,808 --> 00:05:49,856 You know, I mean, you guys are... 104 00:05:49,888 --> 00:05:53,568 Doing your thing and it makes me feel, like, I just, I don't want to, okay? 105 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,488 - What, what is wrong, man? - Nothing, nothing. 106 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,728 Nothing's wrong, I just, you know, you guys have your fun, 107 00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,744 I g***t... I gotta set up camp 108 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:02,176 And, you know, we're losing light, so just... 109 00:06:17,248 --> 00:06:19,136 I know something's wrong. 110 00:06:20,576 --> 00:06:22,528 - And I wanna know what. - Hmm? 111 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:24,704 Chris. 112 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,736 Nothing. 113 00:06:28,768 --> 00:06:30,944 I'm fine, it's nothing. 114 00:06:31,904 --> 00:06:33,408 - Okay. - It's all good. 115 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:36,896 Now, Chris, Chris, so, look, I'm your best friend, okay? 116 00:06:36,928 --> 00:06:40,064 You don't think I know when something's up your a***s? 117 00:06:40,096 --> 00:06:42,048 Huh? Spill it. 118 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,520 Yeah, all right, fine, 119 00:06:43,552 --> 00:06:45,472 There's something that I gotta tell you. 120 00:06:45,504 --> 00:06:49,120 It's... I'm... I'm sorry, okay? 121 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,689 You know, you guys are getting married 122 00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:54,688 - and I should be happy, but... - But what? 123 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,864 - Because I... - So what, so... so, wh... 124 00:06:56,896 --> 00:06:58,816 No, no, no, no, no, so, you think, 125 00:06:58,848 --> 00:07:01,760 You think we're gonna have couples dinners without you? 126 00:07:01,792 --> 00:07:04,032 You think we're gonna go antiquing 127 00:07:04,064 --> 00:07:06,624 And... and... and rent a tandem bike 128 00:07:06,656 --> 00:07:09,472 And ride around town in matching outfits? 129 00:07:10,432 --> 00:07:11,936 You a***e. 130 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,440 And... I'm gonna set you up... 131 00:07:17,472 --> 00:07:19,552 With so many hot girlfriends. 132 00:07:19,584 --> 00:07:23,072 So many hot girlfriends. So many. 133 00:07:23,104 --> 00:07:26,016 I hate antiquing. It's not happening. 134 00:07:26,048 --> 00:07:27,305 - All right. - Okay, 135 00:07:27,328 --> 00:07:29,184 To my best man. 136 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,272 - Cheers. - Cheers. 137 00:07:39,104 --> 00:07:40,672 Whoa, wooo. 138 00:07:40,704 --> 00:07:41,664 Okay. 139 00:07:41,696 --> 00:07:43,040 - You okay? - All right, 140 00:07:43,072 --> 00:07:45,312 There's a possibility I may be drunk. 141 00:07:45,344 --> 00:07:47,968 Maybe just a little bit. 142 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,880 - All right, bedtime. Come on. - No, no, no, no, no. 143 00:07:50,912 --> 00:07:53,161 Guys, there's actually, there's something I really do 144 00:07:53,184 --> 00:07:58,272 Need to tell you. It's, um... um... 145 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,272 I now pronounce you man and wife. 146 00:08:02,304 --> 00:08:05,536 - Really? - Yeah, really, so go ahead, 147 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,840 Kiss the bride if you think you g***t it in you. 148 00:08:08,992 --> 00:08:12,864 Well, I'm gonna attempt to. 149 00:08:15,584 --> 00:08:16,672 - Babe. - Okay, I'm drunk, 150 00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:18,016 But I'm not that drunk. 151 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,344 Da da da-da, da da da-da, 152 00:08:25,376 --> 00:08:27,584 -...